I work at a serve-yourself type of candy store. A boy has put his hands directly into one of the bins and is playing with the candy he has grabbed. I walk over without him noticing and stand over him.

Me: “Please do not touch the candy with your hands.”

He jumps guiltily, and I can almost see his brain working to come up with a valid excuse.

Boy: “Sorry! I! I, uh… I… have… Attention Deficit Disorder?”

Me: *Bluntly* “So do I.”

Another customer startled me and I glanced away for a moment. When I looked back, the boy had already left the store completely. Yes, I do have Attention Deficit, and no, it is not ever an excuse to misbehave.

At our fast food place, if you wear something cow-related on national cow day, you get a free sandwich.

I am a seventeen-year-old girl, and still fairly new to this job but I am pretty good at the register so I am often allowed to work alone. A middle-aged man comes up.

Customer: *Mumbles something under his breath*

Me: “Sorry, sir, I didn’t catch that. Can you please repeat it?”

Customer: *Mumbles again.*

I have to keep asking him to repeat it because I have no clue what he’s saying. Eventually:

Me: “I need to get my manager.”

When I come back with my manager, I asked what he said again and it was as if the whole freaking restaurant fell silent just for this guy, as clear as day, to say:

Customer: “I have cow panties on and I would like my free sandwich. Do I have to show you?”

I swear to god nobody moved.

Manager: *Politely* “Cow day is not this week, it’s next week.”

I have to go to the back so I wouldn’t start cry laughing in this guy’s face and while I was gone, he got flustered and then started claiming he was just joking. A new worker took over his order because I was in the back, but he also called me a lesbian for not completing his order.

I got a crazy funny story out of it though so it’s all good.

Related:
Getting His Insecure Panties In A Twist

I work at a burger place and we offer bunless options for those on a diet or with allergies. There are only three of us working and we are unusually busy, so we are a little backed up. An elderly couple walks in with two more couples behind them.

Female Customer: “Yes, I’d like a bunless cheeseburger.”

Me: “Okay! And what would you like on that?”

Female Customer: “I’d like tomatoes, lettuce, jalapenos, green peppers, and mayonnaise.”

I wait a few seconds to see if she adds anything else. She does not.

Me: “All right! Would you like—”

Female Customer: “I’m not finished! I want my peppers grilled, but I only want the jalapenos on the burger.”

Me: “So… you want your tomatoes, lettuce, and green peppers on the side?”

Female Customer: “Yes! Why is that so hard to understand?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I just wanted to make sure I had your order correct.”

The lady moves out of the way and her husband steps up.

Male Customer: “I’d like the exact same thing she ordered.”

Me: “Okay, so another bunless cheese—”

Male Customer: “What? No! Of course, I want a bun!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I thought you said you wanted the exact same thing she has.”

Male Customer: “That is what I want!”

Me: “Okay, so you want a regular cheeseburger with all the toppings she has. Do you also want everything on the side?”

Male Customer: “I already said I want the exact same thing! I want everything on my burger except the green peppers! Put those on the side!”

Me: “I’m not sure you know what ‘exact’… Yes, sir. Your total is [total]. Have a nice day.”

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I work at a laundromat that has machines up front, but we also do commercial laundry in the back. We have a register to offer change for the machines, which I am standing next to with my back to the register. Behind me on the counter is a bell for when we’re in the back. A little kid of about five or six dings the bell and I turn around.

Kid: “SORRY!”

Mother: “Sorry isn’t an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose.”

I had to laugh. Even though it’s annoying to get the bell rung when you’re standing next to it, that mother made my whole night.

A customer calls and asks for a quote on a new trailer. I tell him the MSRP is $6,000.00 as advertised on our website. I then take his information down for possible follow-up. Several days later, he walks in with his twelve- or thirteen-year-old son, gives his name, and says he has been negotiating with me about a trailer and has an offer for me. I come up to him and he pulls out a roll of hundred dollar bills.

Customer: “I’m [Customer]; we talked on the phone earlier. Now I know how this works; I know every trick in the book. Here is the way this is going to go, and I don’t want anything from you but yes or no. I will give you $7,500.00 cash right now for the [specific trailer] on your lot. I won’t haggle, just a yes or no. You either take it or I’m walking out of here. If you need to check with your boss, you go right ahead.”

Me: “Can you give me just a moment?”

I go to get the paperwork for the trailer and compose myself. When I come back…

Customer: “Yes or no. I don’t want to hear you say anything else. I will not negotiate with you. I’ll just turn around and walk out of here, right now.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I believe I will have to make that work.”