Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

I Say Tomato, You Say Opinions

, , , | Right | September 26, 2020

I am ringing up a guest’s food purchases, and I scan her coupons from her phone app. She is intending to use one for $1 off any vegetable.

Guest: “Why isn’t it taking off the vegetable coupon?”

Me: “It doesn’t appear that you purchased any vegetables today. I’m sorry about that; would you like me to hold your items while you get one?”

Guest: “I did buy a vegetable! That tomato!”

Me: *Laughing* “Oh, I see. Tomatoes are actually fruits, though! That’s why it isn’t counting.”

Guest: “What? Tomatoes are vegetables; you’re trying to scam me!”

Me: “No, technically, they are fruits.”

Guest: “That is a matter of opinion!”

Me: “Not really.”

She went over to my manager, who manually took off the coupon for her, apologizing for the fact that tomatoes are, indeed, fruits.

Your Sister Sounds Like A Doll

, , , , , | Related | September 26, 2020

My sister and I are on vacation in Haiti, and we go down to sit on the beach. I spot it first.

Me: “Hey, there’s the beach. I’m going to it.”

I figure that she’ll be right behind me, but when I turn around, there’s no one! I figure that she went to the bathroom or got some drinks, and I spread out my towel. Many minutes go by, and I’m wondering where exactly is she. We don’t have our cellphones in this country, so I can’t text or call her.

Finally, she emerges, looking frazzled.

Sister: “There you are! You disappeared!”

Me: “I told you I was going to the beach. Where were you?”

Sister: “Looking for you, and then I got jumped on by a group trying to sell me a doll for voodoo!”

Me: “What?! Seriously?”

Sister: “They dragged me into this shop full of potions and creepy demonic masks. It was horrible.”

Later, I asked her to show me this shop, and she did. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but it did have statues of fornicating animals. I couldn’t help laughing, and the women were very offended and shooed me out! We won’t be going back.

Soberly Pursuing His Goal

, , , , , , , | Friendly | September 26, 2020

I’m sitting in my room with the windows open to enjoy the fresh air. Two painters are working right outside my window, so I can hear their conversation perfectly. I’m trying not to eavesdrop, but this gets my attention:

Worker #1: “I’ve been trying really hard to get sober lately. I’ve been sober thirty days, but my son won’t give me a hug. He says, ‘When you give me a year of sobriety, I’ll give you a hug.’ I’m making d*** sure I get that hug, man. D*** sure.”

Worker #2: “Right on, man. That’s amazing.”

I started to tear up hearing that. I really hope he finds the strength to remain sober and get that hug.


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for September 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for September 2020!

They Need A Town Hall To Discuss The Town Hall

, , , , | Right | September 26, 2020

I work for a town government. Due to our state’s regulations regarding the health crisis, we are not able to accommodate customers in our usual Town Hall, but fortunately, the Community House next door has been turned into temporary “customer service” windows for our use.

On the doors of the Town Hall are signs explaining that the building is closed but that the Community House will be open, and explaining the opening hours. We also issue a press release explaining the new hours and location in the local paper, on community TV, and on the town’s official Facebook page, Twitter, and home page of the website.

We were closed to the public from the beginning of March to the middle of July and have only been open for about two weeks, so we understand that this is new and a learning curve for our customers who are used to going to Town Hall. We explain the new hours and location, including address, to every person who calls in wanting to come to visit in person.

Me: “[Department], can I help you?

Customer: “Yes, hi, I was wondering how to go about [process]?”

Me: “Okay, well, there are a few ways to do that. You can either do that online at [website], you can do it through the mail or through the dropbox, or we also have new hours from [days and times] at the Community House, which is located at [address].”

Customer: “Oh, you’re open? Oh, that’s great! I’ll send my husband down right away! Goodbye!”

Me: “Okay, thank you! Bye!”

About fifteen minutes go by. The phone rings.

Me: “[Department], can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my husband was just down there at Town Hall, and he said the doors were locked and there was a sign on the door saying you were closed. I thought you said you were open?”

Me: “Yes, Town Hall is closed, but I said the Community House was open. We are right next door. It’s the same building as where you vote. Tell him to go there and look for the ‘ENTER HERE’ signs on either side of the building.”

Customer: Oh, okay. I’ll let him know, thanks!”

Me: “No problem, bye!”

A couple of minutes later, I hear someone try to open the “EXIT ONLY” doors. We have been instructed not to let people in that way, but since the “ENTER HERE” doors are only fifty feet away on either side of the exit door and clearly within line of sight, I figure they will figure it out soon. The phone rings.

Me: “[Department], can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my husband was just at the Community House where you told me to send him, but the doors were locked! You said you were open!

Me: “We are. Did he try the doors with the large ‘ENTER HERE’ signs?”

Customer: “No, he went to the door that we always go in!”

Me: “Okay, but those doors are being used as exit-only doors right now. There is a big sign on those doors saying, ‘EXIT ONLY’. He needs to go to one of the side doors that say, ‘ENTER HERE’.”

Customer: “Well, you should have made it more clear!”

Me: “I’m sorry. The signs are large, about three by four feet, and have big, bold, red letters with ‘EXIT ONLY’ and ‘ENTER HERE’ written on them.”

Customer: “Still, you should make it more clear!”

Me: “I don’t know how, but I will pass on the comment.”

Customer: “And furthermore, you should have made it more clear that the Town Hall was closed and we were supposed to go to the Community House!”

Me: “I did explain that on the phone.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I saw it on the website, and you should make it more clear!”

Me: “The website says the Community House is open. It also says Town Hall is closed.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you should make it more clear!”

Me: “It also has the address on it.”

The Town Hall and Community House have very different street addresses since they face different streets.

Customer: “Still, you should make it more clear!”

Me: “The signs on the Town Hall say it’s closed and to go to the Community House.”

Customer: “You should still make it more clear!”

Me: *Sighs* “I’ll pass on the comment.”

I told my supervisor who just laughed.

Tic-ing Along Nicely Until You Came Along, Part 2

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 25, 2020

This takes place right at the start of the current health crisis, after everyone is mostly aware of it, but right before the CDC officially declares it as such. My gym has a set of five arc trainers — think elliptical machines, but not — and I pop in for a quick workout on my lunch break. There are two women at each end of the row, so I settle on the machine between them, leaving an empty machine between us on either side. Even without social distancing, taking the machine right next to someone when others are free is just weird.

An important note: I suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome, and one of my — currently unfortunate — tics is a sharp exhalation which could be taken as a cough, if you squint, and pretty constant sniffling. These tics get a bit more aggressive when I’m under stress, such as during intense cardio.

So, there I am, about ten minutes into my sweat, just blissfully watching Netflix on my tablet and getting my workout in, when I notice from the corner of my eye that the woman on my right is looking at me, her lips are moving, and she’s giving me the evil eye. I take my right earpiece out.

Me: “Sorry, what? Were you talking to me? I had my headphones in.”

Woman #1: “You need to leave.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Woman #1: “You need to leave if you’re sick. You’re coughing and sniffling and I’m not comfortable with you being here.”

Me: “Oh! Sorry, no, I’m not sick. I have Tourette’s. That’s not a cough; it’s just a really sharp breathing out and sniffling. Those are my tics.”

Woman #1: “No, you’re sick, and you’re touching your face and the equipment, and you need to go.”

Me: “Um… No. I told you, it’s not symptoms; it’s just my Tourette’s. It’s fine. I’m going back to my show now.”

With that, I put my earpiece back in and resume my workout. I can tell the woman is still talking, but I ignore her and keep at it. A few minutes later, she gets off her machine and walks over to the woman on my left. They talk for a couple of minutes, and [Woman #1] walks off to the other side of the cardio area. I figure that is the end of it.

But then, I realize that [Woman #2] is doing the same thing: glaring at me and talking. Already knowing I am going to regret it, I take my left earpiece out.

Me: “Sorry? Couldn’t hear you. Headset.”

Woman #2: “I know you say you have Tourette’s, but how do I know that?”

Me: “Um… why would I lie about that?”

Woman #2: “You could be a vector for the disease! I’m not comfortable with you being here, and you need to leave.”

Me: “Okay, but again, I’m not. I have Tourette’s. I’m just trying to get a workout in. I’m sorry you’re not comfortable, but honestly, that sounds like a you problem.”

Woman #2: “Well, I just think you need to leave if you’re going to be sweating and touching your face and touching the equipment!”

Me: “Okay, noted, but I’m not leaving. I’m going to finish my workout now. Please leave me alone.”

Woman #2: “Well, then, I’m going to leave, and I’m going to talk to the manager so they know why I’m leaving!”

Me: “You do that.”

I proceeded to put my earpiece back in. [Woman #2] stopped her workout and went across the room to join [Woman #1] — it’s worth noting that neither woman bothered to wipe down the equipment they were using, either — where they continued to shoot me dirty looks and talk among themselves.

I finished my workout, showered, and went to leave. Both women were still there, and I could see [Woman #2] continuing to glare when she realized I was still there. Fed up, I stopped at the front desk and asked for the manager. Fortunately, the manager there knew me well enough by sight and presence to know about my Tourette’s. Unfortunately, they weren’t available at the moment to talk, but I explained the situation to the desk worker and mentioned that the women would probably complain about me later. He promised to pass it along to the manager and told me I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

I admit, in a moment of childish pique, I did look over at [Woman #2] and give a cheerful finger-wave before I left.

Seriously, I get that our current health situation is serious, but you don’t know someone’s health condition better than they do. At least these two didn’t claim to be nurses, unlike the first time it happened.

Related:
Tic-ing Along Nicely Until You Came Along