I am working in the drive-thru section with my coworker. She is on the headset, taking a customer’s order.
Coworker: “Okay, I have you down for [order]. Would you like that mild or spicy?”
Customer: “Um… Is the mild spicy?”
Coworker: “Sorry?”
Customer: “Is the mild spicy?”
Coworker: “The mild is mild, and the spicy is spicy.”
Customer: “Oh… I’ll just have regular, then.”
This story is part of the Spicy roundup!
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I am the customer waiting my turn behind an older woman being helped. The clerk is asking the woman to call and make sure the person has received what was sent. The older woman, however, is getting frustrated and doesn’t understand what is being asked of her.
She turns to me to commiserate and says:
Old Woman: “I can’t stand this newfangled technology!”
The technology in question? A fax.
I work at a popular party supply store. I’m up front cashiering, answering phones, greeting customers, etc. I get a call and this conversation with a very angry customer ensues.
Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]! This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”
Customer: “I bought a package of your latex balloons and they’re broken!“
Me: “Oh, that’s weird! How are they broken?”
Customer: “They won’t float when I blow them up! You changed them! I want a refund!”
Me: “Well, that’s weird. We haven’t changed our latex balloons in years. We can guarantee our balloons to last ten hours. When were they blown up?”
Customer: “I blew them up! Just now! They don’t float! Give me back my money!”
Me: “Sir… how did you blow them up?”
Customer: “What do you mean?! I just blew in them with my mouth. They used to float and now they don’t.”
Me: “Sir. I can assure you, they did not float when you blew them up, and they aren’t floating now because you need to fill balloons with helium for them to float. Helium is lighter than oxygen, so it won’t float if you just blow into them.”
Customer: “That is ridiculous! They always floated before. The balloons are broken.”
Me: “No, they aren’t. It’s high school chemistry.”
Customer: *Hangs up*
Related:
Heli-dum, Part 2
Heli-dum
I work in a museum. There is an information kiosk that is literally fifteen steps from the bathroom. If you are talking to me, you need to turn around 180 degrees, decide if you want men’s or women’s, angle your feet 45 degrees, and walk fifteen feet. The bathrooms are large and can be entered from either end of a long hallway. Most people are able to find them.
Some people are both obtuse and rude. It’s like they expect me to hold their hand and walk them into the stall. Those people get directed to the “other bathroom.”
I send them up the stairs, across the main hall, down the other stairs, and into the other door of the same bathroom. The look on their faces when they exit and see they were back at my kiosk is priceless. If they are really, really obnoxious, I send them to the bathroom at the complete opposite end of the museum, assuming correctly that they will never find me again.
I’m ringing out a family. So far, they’ve been polite, and the mom seems happy with the total. As we don’t have a lot of counter space, a lot of customers just hold their items until there’s some room. I’m almost done when an opened package of gum is set on the counter. There’s none missing, but it’s still been unsealed.
Mom: “Oh, my son didn’t want this.”
Me: “Ma’am, you opened it.”
Mom: “Well, yeah, but he didn’t eat any. You can just tape it closed or something.”
Me: “It doesn’t matter; you’ve opened it.”
Our policy is that once you’ve opened any food item, you must purchase it.
Mom: “That’s bulls***! If he doesn’t want it, I’m not buying it!”
I’m shocked at her sudden change in demeanor. I page my manager. She comes up pretty quickly, while I’m still explaining that she has to buy the gum.
Manager: “What’s the issue here?”
Mom: “My son picked this up and didn’t want it. He didn’t eat any, but this b**** says I have to buy it anyway because it came open!”
Manager: “Yes, ma’am. We can no longer ensure it’s safe to eat, as we don’t know if anything has gotten into it. And since your son has opened it, you are responsible.”
Mom: “But he didn’t eat any! Why should I pay for it when he hasn’t even eaten it or doesn’t want to?!”
Manager: “Ma’am, if you found this gum like this on the shelf, would you want to buy it?”
Mom: “Of course not! It’s open!”
My manager waited for the woman to realize. It took her a second before she quietly put the gum on the counter again. I scanned it, and she didn’t speak for the rest of the transaction.
