When I am sixteen, I am a counselor at a summer camp. I have twins in my group. Let’s call them John and James.

John and James are identical twins. They are the same height and weight, have the same friends, and play the same sports. No one can tell them apart. Except for me.

The twins enjoy messing with the counselors and find it funny when they can’t tell them apart. Every few days, some counselors try.

One of them is convinced they have slightly different eyes. She usually guesses wrong.

Another is convinced that John is half an inch taller than James. This is wrong also.

Every time we play, I get it right. I also always get their names right when I have to call out to one of them. It baffles everyone.

On the last day of camp, the director comes up to me.

Director: “I have to know. How can you tell John and James apart?”

Me: “There are very subtle differences between them. It’s hard to notice.”

She starts laughing.

Director: “Come on, [My Name]. Tell me.”

Me: “All right. But you can’t tell anyone.”

She closes the door to her office and runs back to her desk.

Director: “I promise I won’t tell.”

I start laughing.

Me: “[Director], I don’t have a gift. It’s not a magic trick. John wears black sneakers and a blue bathing suit. James wears red sneakers and a red bathing suit. That’s how I can tell them apart, even in the pool.”

The director stares and starts laughing. 

Director: “THAT’S IT?! This whole time I thought you had a gift!”

I work at a fairly popular sandwich shop. Recently at lunch, we had a full staff at the cold table and register. There is the bread starter, the meat puller, and the wrapper. The whole time, I stay at the end to wrap the sandwiches and hand them out.

I hand out three sandwiches; two are on French and one is on wheat.

Customer: “There’s supposed to be another on wheat.”

I look at the receipt but remake it anyway. A coworker then comes and chats with them and I overhear.

Customer: “Yeah, she messed up our order.”

The customer looks at me as if I am stupid, emphasizing the “she” in the sentence.

I am the only girl working and I didn’t take their order. They also watched as I wrapped their sandwiches… but sure, blame the woman.

I’ve worked at my aunt and uncle’s restaurant since I was fourteen up until I was eighteen. Sadly, I’ve had a lot of crazy old ladies try and pick fights with me over little things during those years.

Customer: “Hi. Can I get a to-go buffet?”

I go ahead and give her a box so she can pay afterward. When she comes back to the register, I tell her the total.

Customer: “Here is a check.”

Me: “Thank you. Now I just need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry. My wallet with my ID is in the car, but…”

She gives me a piece of cardboard with numbers scrawled on it.

Customer: “This should be fine, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I need your actual ID in order to accept this check.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to go all the way to the car.”

I get my uncle to help and he attempts to explain.

Uncle: “Sorry, but we’ve gotten a lot of hot checks lately…”

The lady blows up and acts offended that the piece of cardboard isn’t enough for us. She screams and throws the box of food at us and storms out.

Me: “She didn’t think to bring her ID, but brings a piece of cardboard with the ID number?”

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 40
No ID, No Idea, Part 39
No ID, No Idea, Part 38
No ID, No Idea, Part 37
No ID, No Idea, Part 36

It’s about 10:30 at night. I’m a twenty-one-year-old woman working alone and an obviously drunk man walks in with a sober woman trailing behind him. They grab a twelve-pack of beer and head to my register.

Customer: “Hello! Oh, you’re cute. Do you think I’m cute?”

Me: “Yeah, sure.”

I put on my customer service smile and awkwardly make eye contact with the woman he’s with.

Customer: *Lightly pushing the woman* “That’s my sister. Don’t worry; I’m single. Do you think I’m cute?”

I just try to move things along and get the drunk stranger out of my store.

Me: “Sure, you’re cute.”

Customer: “Nooooo, but really, do you think I’m cute?”

Customer’s Sister: “Yes, she said she does! Just buy your beer and leave the girl alone!”

Customer: “No, really, I wanna know. Am I cute? I have a six-pack. Wanna see?”

He lifts up his shirt.

Me: “Oh, very nice. Yes, you’re cute!”

Customer: “Thank you!”

He and his sister finish up the transaction and start leaving, but he stops by the door and clutches his beer to his chest.

Customer: “Hey, this beer is you. This is me hugging you. Will you hug me back?”

I then give him an air hug, lightly flapping my hands in the air like I am patting his back.

Customer: *Super excited as he leaves* “Yes! You’re so cute! I love you! Call me!”

Me: *Quietly to myself* “Ah, there goes the love of my life, beer man, and he didn’t even leave his number.”

I am a cashier in an extremely understaffed store; there is one other girl and me. That’s it. We are both extremely busy throughout the day, although she is usually in the back throwing freight.

I am running the register as well as attending to my stocking duties when I have a younger man approach the register, ready to check out.

Then, an old man is suddenly at my side wanting help finding an item. I think it should be quick as it’s only one item. I guess I’m still a rookie.

Old Man: “I need this lotion; it’s a dollar and it’s got a pump.”

We spend some time looking for it. I mean, how vague can you be, right?

Finally, we find something similar. He also quickly grabs another item. He then hands me the items and tells me he’s ready to check out. I go up to the register and am about to start checking out the younger man, as well as the line of four or five other people that have appeared during the time it took me to help the old man.

Then, I realize he’s not getting in line. He comes up next to the register, fully expecting me to ring him up first.

Me: “Sir, please move to the end of the line.”

Customer: “Oh, I was already in line when you were helping me.”

I quickly take stock of the situation and determine that it will be easier and faster to just ring him through, as he already has his money out.

The retail gods are shining on me this day because everyone else in line is understanding.

Younger Man: “Man, I gotta remember that one for next time. Good night!”

At least there are still some good ones out there.

Related:
Not Even In Line And Already Out Of Line, Part 2
Not Even In Line And Already Out Of Line