They’re Just Browsing

, , , , , | Working | June 9, 2018

(My boss is a lawyer who uses a computer with two monitors on a daily basis. One day, he calls me into his office to help him.)

Boss: “I’m having a problem with my computer. It won’t go away.”

Me: “What won’t go away?”

Boss: *points to car picture on the second monitor* “That! It won’t go away!”

Me: “Okay, you want a different picture for your wallpaper?”

Boss: “No, I want it to go away!”

Me: “Let’s start over. What do you actually want to see on that screen?”

Boss: “Google. That’s what’s usually there!”

Me: *opens Chrome*

Boss: “Hey, it’s back! How did you do that?”

Me: “…”

Just Keep It Away From The Bifrost

, , , , , | Romantic | June 9, 2018

(My girlfriend and I have not been intimate yet, but we can get a little frisky over the phone. At one point, I mention the necessity for her to come up with a name for my member.)

Me: “By the way, you should, like, probably think up a name to refer to… him.”

Girlfriend: *laughing* “Thor’s hammer!” *more laughter*

Me: “But his hammer was destroyed! By Hela’s grip nonetheless… his sister! Wow, I never put that together until just now. That’s kind of disturbing.”

Girlfriend: “But it’s an amazing name.”

Me: “You’re right. But are you worthy?”

Girlfriend: *arrogantly* “Well, I was able to lift it, so…”

Me: “Touché.”

Need To Lawyer Up For The Bookstore These Days

, , , , | | Right | June 9, 2018

(We have just had two of our busiest days of the year in our academic bookstore; it’s as if two Black Fridays happened back to back. We’re also short-staffed as a few people called out sick. It is 8:50 pm and we close at 9:00 pm. All is finally quiet and we’re trying to clean up, when I hear a coworker talking to a customer at the returns desk.)

Customer: “What do you mean, you’re out of the book for my class?”

Coworker: “We had several hundred customers today, so I’m sorry, but we did run out.”

Customer: “That is ridiculous!” *grabs a book with a similar name* “Is this my book?”

Coworker: “I’ll check.”

(He comes over to me and we check the course listing; it isn’t her book. It’s a supplement to the other section’s book. I tell him to have her place an order, and that we will get the book back in stock. He goes to tell her, and then she comes over to me.)

Customer: “Why do I have to order my book? Why would you just collect part of the book? What kind of a business is this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s been very busy.”

Customer: “I’m the only one here! You lie!”

Me: “No, ma’am, it was very busy, but you can place a web order—”

Customer: “I don’t care! What do you mean, I have to do a web order?! You order it for me!”

Me: “We will, but you have to do a web order to reserve it.”

(She demands we do a special in-store order, which is only for people with financial aid for their course books.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you have to do a web order.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! You make such a big deal out of answering the phone—” *she’s there in person* “—and you collect incomplete books and now you’re trying to hurry me out because you close too early!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we do close at nine pm, which is in two minutes.”

Customer: “Nine pm is too early! You have to understand, we are law students! We are in class until nine pm! And we have to get here at two pm to get parking!”

(We’re a city campus, it’s mostly street parking and as the bookstore, we have nothing to do with this.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry about that, but I cannot change our hours.”

Customer: “Stop yelling! You are being so rude and this is a terrible business!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not yelling, but it is now nine pm, so have to ask you to leave if you continue to behave like this.”

Customer: “I am writing a formal complaint. I want all your personal details!”

Me: “My name is [First Name].”

Customer: “And what is your last name, and your address and phone number?”

Me: “I’m not giving you my last name. That is personal. The address and phone is [store info].”

Customer: “Argh! That isn’t what I asked for!”

(She finally flounced out, but not before telling another coworker that “that woman over there is mean and rude!”)

Donuts Aren’t A Reason, They’re THE Reason

, , , , , , | Related | June 9, 2018

(Growing up, my dad religiously attended an antique show that set up one weekend a month, every month. As a teenager, though I wasn’t the antique-er he was, I had become obsessed with the mini donuts that were sold in one of the booths. They were made on an old machine that punched the dough, dropped the rings into a river of oil, and floated them down two at a time, to be gracefully flipped over by a comb so that the other side could cook. After the flip, another comb would scoop them up and flip them off the machine into the tray below. It was hypnotizing to watch, and after being sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar, they were absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, when I moved out of my parents’ house, I was unable to go with my dad anymore. However, my mother started getting into the habit of going with him. One weekend, I’m visiting, and I’m telling her about a local festival that I recently attended.)

Me: “We were walking around the concession area, and they had a [Same Brand as the antique show’s] donut maker! I was so excited! We managed to get some right before they closed for the day. [My Boyfriend] finally got to see what I’ve been telling him about!”

Mom: “Cool! Dad and I went to [Antique Show] last weekend, and I got some.” *makes a face* “He ate most of them, though; I had to get more. Hey, when was the last time you went to [Antique Show]?”

Me: “It’s probably been about two or three years.” *quietly, kind of embarrassed* “You know, those donuts were probably about 50% of the reason I went with Dad. Not that I don’t like spending time with him, but…” *shrug*

Mom: *scoffs* “They’re pretty much the only reason I go with him. Antiques are boring. I’m not afraid to say it.”

Anything Else But This!

, , , , , , | Working | June 9, 2018

(I pull up to a fast food restaurant’s drive-thru to order food for three different people.)

Employee: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

Me: “Sure, I will have a combo #7, large size, with a diet [drink].”

Employee: “Okay, anything else?”

Me: “Yes, several more items. I’ll also have a cheeseburger, no pickles.”

Employee: “Anything else?”

Me: “Yes, still, several more items. I will also have a ten-piece chicken.”

Employee: “Anything else?”

Me: “This will go faster if you stop interrupting me asking me anything else.”

Employee: “Sorry.”

Me: “I would like honey mustard sauce with those chicken pieces.”

Employee: “Anything else?”

(All in all it probably took twice as long as if he would have just listened to my order. In addition, I had to correct several things that he punched into the computer wrong. I wish drive-thru people would just listen to their customers instead of talking over them.)


Can't stand the way people act? Then you're going to love our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!
Page 232/1,399First...230231232233234...Last
« Previous
Next »