Not Getting A Good Reading Here

, , , , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that is the coupon for next week. Do you have the second half of this flyer, for this week’s coupon?”

Customer: *as loud as she can* “YOU NEED A F****** LAW DEGREE TO UNDERSTAND EXPIRATION DATES THESE DAYS!”

Me: “Beg your pardon? The date is written in the standard format, right here.” *points to dates on coupon*

Customer: “Like, you expect me to actually read the coupon?!”

Making A Grave Mistake

, , , , , | Working | February 7, 2018

(We sell knitting supplies, and therefore deal with a lot of elderly customers. It is a slow day. A colleague of mine decides to take a nap at the cashier, until the phone rings, waking him up.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is Silent Grove Cemetery. Which hole do you want?”

(He then hung up and went back to sleep as I stared incredulously.)

Will Have To Scour The Deepest Amazon For It

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 7, 2018

(My boyfriend and I have discovered that one of our favorite independent movies has been removed from our movie-streaming network. We tend to joke around a lot and feign being overly dramatic.)

Boyfriend: “I guess we’ll just have to find it on DVD, or something. We’ll probably have to find it in some obscure, faraway shop, or we might have to battle to the death in some distant, foreign country to get it.”

Me: *wide eyes and gasps* “Yeah, like somewhere called…” *pause, pronounces strained and incorrectly* “…Ama-zoh-n!”

Rugged Behavior

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

Customer: “Where do you keep your rugs?”

Me: “I can show you; follow me.”

(I walk her over to our rugs. She picks up one rug and stares at it top to bottom, but looks slightly confused.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: *stares at rug more*

Me: “Ma’am, is there anything else I can help you find today?”

Customer: *stares at rug a bit more* “Are these the kind that you lay on the ground?”

Me: “Um…”

We Should All Have A Sausage Man As A Friend

, , , , , | Related | February 7, 2018

(I am at a restaurant with my dad. He’s in his 60s, and not an unintelligent person, but he never did well in school, and he frequently asks me how to spell certain words. He also has a very… unusual sense of humor.)

Dad: “[My Name], how do you spell ‘sausage’?”

Me: “S-A-U-S-A-G-E.”

Dad: “Thank you. I’m texting my friend Jim the Sausage Man.”

(He went on texting as if that was a totally normal thing to say.)

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