At the fast food place where I work, we are holding a game similar to Monopoly where if you collect all game pieces on a cup, you can win a prize. These pieces are rare! Most say, “Sorry, please try again,” or, “Congrats, this is piece 3 of 5 for your new Corvette!”

A customer gets one such piece and thinks it means he won automatically.

Customer: “I won! I won!”

Me: “Sir, you have to collect all five pieces to win the prize.”

Customer: *Screaming*  “I want my car! Now! Look, it says here on the piece ‘Congratulations!’ That means I won something! When can I come pick up my car?”

I work at a help desk for a company that has employees use an automated phone system to enter the time they worked, while their employers, who are mostly elderly or disabled, use the same system to approve them. Because it’s a phone system that we often need to train these clients on, we recommend they call the system with a separate phone and put it on speakerphone so we can guide them through the system, and therefore train the clients.

I’m on the phone with an elderly client.

Me: “Does this phone have speakerphone capability?”

Caller: “Yes, it does.”

Me: “Okay, please call [phone number].”

The caller dials the number and puts the second phone on speaker so I can hear. An automated system picks up, but it’s a perkier voice than the system our company uses.

Automated System: “Are you looking to talk with hot singles? We have the hottest men just waiting to take your call!”

Caller: “Oh, my!”

Me: “Ma’am, please disconnect the call. That’s not our system!”

Caller: *Hangs up the second phone.* “Oh, dear, I definitely didn’t call the right number.” *Pause* “Maybe later, but not now!”

We both had a good laugh over that one. I wish I had more callers like her!

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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I work for a high-end retailer in the men’s tailored clothing area. I’m selling a customer a suit, which, naturally, has to be tailored to fit.

Me: “Your suit will be ready a week from today.”

Customer: “A week?! I need it in two days!”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure if that’s possible, but let me call the alterations manager and see what we can do.”

Customer: “No, it has to be ready in two days. If I can’t have it in two days, the deal’s off. This is an emergency!”

I call the alterations manager, who isn’t known for her empathy, and beg, wheedle, and cajole, explaining that we really need to help this guy out and using up a favor with her. She finally agrees.

Me: “Okay, sir, we’ll have it ready the day after tomorrow at five pm.”

About three weeks later, the customer comes in.

Customer: “Hi, I have a suit to pick up.”

Me: “Oh, hi. I looked for you on [date the suit was completed]. We had your suit all ready for you.”

Customer: “Yeah, I just didn’t have a chance to stop by and pick it up.”

This happens distressingly often!

My job is making change so people can play amusement park games. It’s a slow night, and a big, tall man comes in.

Me: “Hello, sir. Do you have any questions about the game?”

The customer says nothing and moves into my personal space. I back up.

Me: “You use your quarters to push quarters off the end of the board, and it gives you one ticket for each quarter.”

The customer moves into my personal space again, looming over me. I put my hands in my change apron.

Me: “The tickets can be traded for prizes—”

The customer shoves his hand into my right apron pocket. I grab his wrist and squeeze.

Customer: “Let go of my hand!”

Me: “Your hand is in my pocket. Now open it up, and we’ll move it out of my pocket slowly.”

I squeeze more tightly for emphasis. His hand comes out, and he’s not holding anything.

Me: “Good. Now either you can leave, or I can call my boss and you can try explaining why your hand was in my pocket.”

He chose to leave. I was left to wonder why somebody so big went for trying to pick my pocket, and why he didn’t at least take the time to figure out that I kept bills in the LEFT pocket.

At the last minute, a friend has invited us to stay in an extra room that they reserved at an area water park. The room is open due to their other friends deciding not to be guests, so we finish our activities and quickly drive up.

In the lobby, I walk up to the front desk and the older employee just stares at me, waiting for me to tell him what I want. I tell him that I am here to pick up keys and wristband while also telling him my name and my wife’s. I also tell him the name of the friend who invited us.

He stares at his screen for a bit before walking to the left to look for wristbands. He says he cannot find our names, so I go outside to try and contact my friends while my wife stays inside to talk to the older employee, who just looks anywhere but the computer and says we are not listed.

I find our friends and tell them what happened, and then I walk with them to the lobby where we encounter a different employee. We tell her the story and she looks at the computer and immediately finds our names. She also walks to the same drawers that the older employee had looked through and finds the wristbands at the top. She immediately apologizes as she wishes us a safe stay.

While we have a free room for a couple of days, the reviews also tell the tale of this resort; there are negative reviews of certain employees. My guess is that he was clocking off soon and wanted to look like he was working.