Bad Customer Number One

, , , , , | Right | November 8, 2017

(The store I work in is being re-modeled and the closest bathrooms are downstairs.)

Customer: “Where is the bathroom?”

Me: “Downstairs. The elevators are just over there.”

Customer: “Is it far? My son really has to go.”

Me: “It’ll take you two minutes to get there.”

Customer: “I don’t think he’ll make it.”

(She walks away at this point with her son. I turn to my coworkers to figure out who is going to clean the jean wall, empty the dressing rooms, and straighten the tables. I do the jeans.)

Coworker: “OH, MY GOD! I JUST TOUCHED PEE PEE!”

(She really says, ”pee pee,” as it is the kids department. The woman has let her son pee on the clothes in the dressing room. I put trash bags on my hands and grab the trash can.)

Me: “I’ll pick it up. They could have peed on the cheap clothes. He peed on the Dockers.”

(That’s when I picked up the top pair and found the poo poo.)

Drugs: It’s Always The Real Thing

, , , , | Learning | November 8, 2017

(My friends and I are having a discussion about the different words for soda during lunch. [Friend #2] in particular uses the word “pop.”)

Friend #1: “Pop is a sound. Soda is a drink. Coke… is a drug?”

(Cue us trying our best not to choke on our food.)

Escalating Problems That Aren’t There

, , , , | Working | November 8, 2017

(I live in the Midwest, so tornadoes are a real threat. Our loss prevention team comes around to each department in the store to make sure we all know where the tornado shelter is, especially the new people.)

Loss Prevention: “It’s just downstairs, in women’s dresses.”

Coworker: “So, what happens if the power goes out? How would we get down the escalator?”

Me: “…like stairs.”

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 26

, , , , | Right | November 8, 2017

(We close at 7:00 pm on Sundays, which is fine in winter, because it’s dark out and most of the time, people don’t really come in. When it gets lighter out, however, we get an after-dinner rush and have to coax a lot of people out of the store. My coworker is pulling out the cash drawers when a customer walks in during closing.)

Coworker: “Oh! I’m sorry, ma’am. We just closed.”

Customer: “Oh! What time?”

Coworker: “Just now, at seven o’clock.”

Customer: “Isn’t it two minutes before seven?”

(She is referring to the large clock behind our register, which is always slow.)

Coworker: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry; it is exactly seven o’clock. But maybe we can ring up a book for you. Do you know exactly what you want?”

Customer: “No, but can I just browse for a couple of minutes or so?”

Coworker: *pained smile* “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Me: *jumping in* “Don’t worry. We open every day at 10:00 am. You can come in then!”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I suppose you’re closed.”

(She proceeds to sigh and stand in front of the cash registers, quietly and somberly, for at least ten seconds before finally, slowly, shambling out. Whether or not she thought silently pouting would actually get us to change our minds about staying open for her is beyond me!)

Unfiltered Story #99636

, , , | Unfiltered | November 8, 2017

(The bus I drive has automatic information announcements. There are some passengers that I playfully harass. One girl who’s a humorous target of mine, boards the bus.)

Girl: *inserts bus pass, swats me on the arm, goes to sit down*

Bus Announcement: *literally two seconds after she sits* “Did you know assaulting a bus operator is a felony?”