I do dog-sitting visits through an app. My friend — and I use that term loosely because we haven’t spoken in over five years, but we are connected on Facebook — reaches out through the Facebook messaging app.

Friend: “Hey, girl! I saw you’re on [App]. Do you like it?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s fun. I get to hang out with lots of pets, and the owners get to go do their own thing. Are you signing up? I have a referral code if you want to use it.”

Friend: “No, I was wondering if you could come visit my house this weekend.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Yeah, go ahead and put it in.”

It’s Thursday, which means any appointments booked for the next forty-eight hours (Friday or Saturday) are an extra charge per request per day. She puts the request through and my jaw drops.

She has six dogs and four cats.

On top of that, she has notes on each animal saying there are small animals — three rabbits, two lizards, a couple of fish, and a hermit crab — that need care, as well. I usually don’t charge for things that don’t require a lot of interaction like fish or hermit crabs, but the rabbits and lizards should be an additional few dollars per pet.

She wants one-hour visits four times a day on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The total for the weekend as it is written is about $500. I do the math on the animals she only wrote in the notes and realize she is shorting me almost $100 across the three days.

Friend: “Holy f***, you are expensive! LOL, can you cut me a deal?”

Me: “Um… Well, you didn’t even actually add the small animals, which is giving you a good discount. I’m not even sure I can get all of these taken care of in an hour, to be honest.”

Friend: “I was thinking maybe, like, $75.”

Me: “$75 for what? The unlisted animals?”

I am considering this as a take-it-or-leave-it style offer, and then she replies:

Friend: “LOL, for the visits.”

Me: “For all the visits?”

Friend: “I’m a single mom! You do this because you love it, right? Help me out. I’ll tell everyone to hire you. You don’t even have kids; you don’t understand budgeting properly.”

Me: “I am familiar with budgeting and paying people appropriately. Gas is expensive, the address you listed is forty-five minutes from my house, and — again — you skipped listing several animals. All of those visits for one dog would be more than $75. I’m sorry. I am willing to cut you a deal if you pay in cash, but it’s going to be $400.”

Friend: “Are you serious? You’re a s***ty friend.”

Me: “We haven’t spoken in years, and you popped up out of nowhere to ask for a favor. You’re a s***ty person.”

I deleted her from my friend list and rejected the visit request, noting all the animals she listed as “care notes” as the reason for the rejection.

A customer who is about nineteen years old or so comes in wanting to get a second setting of piercings in her lobes and one of her first holes re-pierced.

Her sister is hanging out next to us, and eventually, their mom comes up to chill, as well, and watch her daughter get pierced. I draw the dots on the girl’s ears and we’re all fine until mom is suddenly interjecting and complaining.

Mother: “Oh! Is that where the holes will go?”

Me: “That’s the dot placement, yes.”

Mother: “That’s no good. Make it better!”

Even though her ADULT daughter has already confirmed what she wants, the mom makes me adjust the dots for the second set.

I do her left ear, and I’m switching to my other machine when the mom interjects yet again.

Mother: “The earring should be higher. You need to move it.”

Me: “No, the earring is in, and moving it or taking it out right away can be really bad.”

The sister luckily jumps in to try to stop her mother.

Sister: “Well, I think everything looks really good, and I think we should just let the nice lady finish her job.”

We finish up, and I get them checked out.

Mother: *To her daughters* “I just don’t understand why my children don’t do as they’re told.”

Customer: “Mom, I’m nineteen.”

Mother: “I just don’t understand…” *Repeats until they leave*

Related:
Piercing Observation, Part 8
Piercing Observation, Part 7
Piercing Observation, Part 6
Piercing Observation, Part 5
Piercing Observation, Part 4

A young woman (a girl, really) is at my checkout buying tampons. I can see she’s scraped some change together to try and get them.

Customer: “Oh, I thought it was less than that.”

Me: “How much do you have?”

Customer: “I’m a dollar short.”

I spot her a dollar because I’ve been there before.

The next customer is a regular whom I would go so far as to say I hate. Every time he comes in, he just searches for reasons to complain.

Regular: “I hope you’re going to discount me a dollar, too!”

Me: “I will not be doing that, sir.”

Regular: “So, it’s unfair and unequal treatment, is it?”

Me: “It’s treatment based on behavior. I would never give my own personal money to someone who intentionally makes my job harder for the fun of it.”

He complained to management. My manager told him complaining that we weren’t just giving him money sounded awful close to a robbery to him.

The regular dropped it.

Customer: “Why aren’t the pizzas 50% off?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I won’t be able to do that as that discount is only for Tuesdays. If you spend $3 more, I can get you 40% off—”

Customer: “Just type in the Tuesday code for me! I know you can.”

Me: “I can’t as today is Wednesday.”

Customer: “Don’t you remember? You did it for me last week!”

Me: “Today is my first day working here.”

There’s an awkward silence.

Customer: “Just $3 more, you say?”

Related:
Your Argument Is Week

An old (very old) woman is checking out at my store.

Customer: “Can I pay by check, please, dear?”

Me: “Yes. I’ll just run it through for you.”

Customer: “I used to work here, so I know how it works.”

Me: “Oh, really? I’ve never done that before! When did you work here?”

Customer: “Oh, maybe two… or three…”

The long dramatic pause makes me think she’s about to say, “…years ago.”

Customer: “…decades ago. I think it was around the eighties.”

Me: “So… four decades ago?”

Customer: “Huh… I guess you’re right. Anyway, just run along and get the mimeograph; I can wait.”

I don’t actually know what a mimeograph is!

Me: “We actually just do an online check on the computer here these days.”

Customer: “Oh, you have a computer now? They didn’t have one of those back in my day!”

Her check cleared, and she was happily on her way, amazed that our store had a computer (singular).