Clearly, It’s The President’s Fault!

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2021

I work for a credit union in a smaller location so we don’t have access to “Shared Branching,” which is a ton of credit unions around the world coming together so all members can access banking services worldwide.

Customer: “Hi, I want to do shared banking with [European Credit Union].”

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t have shared branching available here; you’ll have to go to our [Other Branch Five Minutes Away].”

Customer: “America is declining and falling apart!” *Storms off*

Not the first time someone has been peeved that we don’t have shared branching, but the first time they have blamed it on America as a whole!

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Stuck To Those Weird Notions Like Syrup On Your Shirt

, , , , | Related | May 18, 2021

It’s the late 1990s and my sister and I are kids. Over the few years this story takes place in, she is nine to twelve and I am ten to thirteen. She has developed some odd eating preferences.

My parents have always stocked our pantry with [Brand #1] pancake syrup. One day, they bring home a bottle of [Brand #2]. I try it and it’s fine, but I think [Brand #1] is a little better.

Sister: “Can you pass me the syrup?”

I slide over the bottle of [Brand #1].

Sister: “No! The [Brand #2] one! That one is gross.”

Me: “It’s [Brand #1]; we’ve always used it and you liked it before. How is it suddenly gross?”

Sister: “No, I haven’t! I only eat [Brand #2].”

Me: “We never even had [Brand #2] until very recently! You’ve eaten [Brand #1] all your life!”

We argue back and forth about it until our parents break it up, and they never try to back me up that my sister is rewriting history. We usually stock both kinds of syrup until we grow up but there are occasions when we’re out of one or the other. On an occasion where we are out of [Brand #2], my sister is a sobbing inconsolable wreck after learning that she cannot eat the pancakes Dad has made because the horrible, horrible [Brand #1] syrup is her only option.

Another time, we have the opposite problem; we have only [Brand #2].

Dad: “Bad news: we only have [Brand #2] syrup, so you won’t eat the pancakes.”

Me: “You’re thinking of [Sister] and her hatred of [Brand #1]. I think [Brand #1] is better, but I don’t mind [Brand #2].”

Dad: “No way. You always complain about [Brand #2].”

Me: “Dad, you have it completely backward!”

I grab the bottle of [Brand #2] and give him a pointed look while I pour it over my pancakes and start eating. My dad drops the issue.

My sister also suddenly decides to translate her habit of cutting the crust off of sandwiches to… pretty much every food with a flat surface. She starts cutting the edges off of pancakes and waffles. Aren’t waffles basically all “crust”? We make homemade cookies and she punches a hole out of the center, eats the one bite of that cookie, and throws the rest in the sink! It is so wasteful and we go through the cookies so much faster. I can’t even persuade her to leave the cookie rings aside for me to eat. She is convinced that the majority of each cookie is inedible “crust” and has to be thrown out. The edge brownies suffer a similar fate of being cut in half so their “crusts” can be thrown away.

Then, there’s cereal. No, she doesn’t cut the “crust” off of cereal; she just believes that when cereal boxes are redesigned, it means that the cereal is vastly improved and she convinces herself that the flavor is different. For example, one day, [Cereal] changes the design of the box to move the tagline from their commercials, “Cinnamon and sugar in every bite!” to the lower center of the box.

Sister: “Mmmm, it’s much better now!”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

She points excitedly to the tagline on the box.

Sister: “Now there is cinnamon and sugar in every bite!”

Me: “That’s just the thing they say in their commercials! It’s the same cereal; they just changed the box!”

Sister: *Eats another bite * “No, it’s much better now because there’s cinnamon and sugar in every bite.”

I could never convince her that it was the same cereal. I don’t know what her logic was. Did [Cereal Manufacturer] somehow previously arrange the cereal squares so they’d fall into the bowl in such a way that some bites would have cinnamon and sugar but then some bites were just plain wheat? She’s less insane as an adult, but her denials of reality used to drive me nuts when we were kids.

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They Don’t Want To Hear “I’m Sorry”

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2021

Any customer satisfaction survey that is filled out with a 0/10 requires the employees involved in the transaction to be spoken to and see what we could do better next time. After this, management writes back to the customer to tell them what action we will be taking. This has to happen, regardless of the complaint.

My store manager calls me to the office about a survey. The customer has written:

Customer: “I told the cashier to stop listening to music. She said she wasn’t and wouldn’t take off her earphones. She said it was for the radio. I don’t care if she was listening to the radio or to an iPad. She shouldn’t be listening to music when she’s at work.”

I have hearing loss and wear hearing aids. People sometimes ask me about my radio headset, so I don’t have a specific memory of this customer interaction.

Manager: “Maybe make a point to say, ‘walkie-talkie,’ instead of, ‘radio,’ so people don’t get confused?”

I say that’s fine because I know this meeting is required and we have to suggest something. The manager writes back:

Manager: “The associate in question is hard of hearing. She was wearing her in-store radio walkie-talkie headset and was not listening to music. She has a special walkie-talkie headset because of her disability, but it does the same job as the earpieces that you see every team member wear. Team members are not allowed to listen to music on the sales floor. We are sorry for the confusion.”

The complaining customer also got a gift card and some special coupons for her trouble, but they still wrote back to us with another 0/10 survey:

Customer: “Do not hire deaf people. That is bad service. Customers deserve better.”

My manager said he’s going to send this survey to corporate and ask if the survey system can be changed.

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By My Estimation, You’re Not Listening

, , , | Right | May 17, 2021

I work for a distributor, and we do not have a public front. EVERYTHING is done online with phone calls only as follow-ups. Unfortunately, our company’s growth has outpaced our website updates, and while it LOOKS very pretty, some of the functionality is dubious. One big issue is a glitch nobody can figure out.

Although we show “current” inventory levels, it isn’t a live feed but rather updated about seven times a day. If the update program happens to run at the exact right time while product is getting received in, it will show the entire received stock order as “available” even if there’s not enough on hand to cover existing backorders. This leads to conversations like this one.

Me: “I know, I’m sorry there was that issue. It’s known and being worked on. But if you check again now, you’ll see that it’s correctly showing zero on hand.”

Reseller: “Look, this just isn’t professional. If your site shows ‘current inventory,’ then it should show current inventory!”

Me: “And we agree, sir. That is why it shows, ‘Current estimated inventory; please contact your sales rep for exact volume.’ We are working—”

Reseller: “Well, that’s what I’m doing now, isn’t it?!”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, I’m not your sales rep. I—”

Reseller: “Then why the h*** do I keep getting emails from you?!”

Me: “As I was trying to say, sir, I’m on the order management team. I enter new orders into our system, make order revisions, and invoice the outgoing shipments. Anything involving those processes, one of us six members of the team handles; you’ve most likely gotten emails from others, too.”

Reseller: “So, what you’re saying is, you won’t help me here.”

Me: “What I’m saying, sir, is that I don’t have the ability to help you, but I can connect you with someone who might be able to!”

I forwarded him on to the sales rep; they’re better at finding diplomatic ways to say, “Shut up and let us do our jobs,” than I am!

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I Don’t Serve You; I’m Anti-Customer

, , , | Right | May 17, 2021

Me: “Your total is $6.87.”

Customer: “It’s lower.”

Me: “There is sales tax, sir.”

Customer: “I don’t pay tax; I’m anti-government.”

I ended up calling a manager over and came to find out he was paying with food stamps. Yes, EBT is not taxed, but if he was anti-government I do wonder why he was on welfare.

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