Maybe If You Ignore It Long Enough, It’ll Untoast

, , | Right | March 4, 2021

I work in a sandwich shop. I’m helping train a new hire, but he’s basically done and can be mostly left alone to deal with customers. An elderly couple comes in. I probably should have dealt with them myself because they’re known for being particular to the point of frustration, but I’m busy preparing for the next day. My coworker takes their order and I’m nearby if he needs help. They get all the way to him wrapping the sandwich when I hear:

Old Lady: “That’s all, but we didn’t want it toasted.”

I turn around when I hear this because that’s one of the earliest steps. They just watched my coworker put the sandwich in the oven, take it out, put the toppings and sauce on, and are just now mentioning they don’t want it toasted. The poor coworker just turns to me with a helpless expression and I sigh, going for the bread to make a new sandwich.

Me: “Did you not notice it was toasted?”

They just glared at me as I remade the sandwich. I 100% wasn’t allowed to say that, but what the h***?

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A Truly Impressive Baby Face

, , , | Working | March 4, 2021

While waiting in line at the store, I overhear this conversation.

Cashier: “Everyone’s always thinking I’m fifteen! It’s so awful! How old do you think I am?”

Customer: *Awkwardly* “Nineteen?”

Cashier: “Yes! I’m so happy you got it right!”

Customer: “Sure.”

The transaction finishes. I step up.

Cashier: “Hey, sweetie! Are you waiting on your mom?”

Me: “I’m thirty.”

The transaction finishes in awkward but blissful silence.

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Someone’s Got A Lot Of Hangups

, , , | Right | March 4, 2021

I get a call from a customer saying she can’t use her debit card. We offer overdraft privilege, a set amount of money that someone can overdraft and we still pay it, and while she is overdrawn by a few dollars, she indeed does have enough overdraft privilege to cover her purchase. After looking further, I see it’s only partial, meaning we don’t authorize debit card transactions, only automatic bill pays and checks.

Me: “After looking further into your account, I see that you only have partial privileges and can not use a debit card while overdrafted.”

Customer: “I’m supposed to have full privilege.”

Me: “Not a problem. I’d be happy to update it to full so you—”

The customer cuts me off, screaming, and I don’t get a single word of it besides “f***” a few times and rapid honking of a car horn.

Me: “Ma’am, in order to complete your request, I will have to ask you to stop using profanity.”

Customer: “YOU, F****** [RACIAL SLUR]!”

Me: “Oooookay, hanging up now.” *Click*

I checked the notes on her account and saw at least twenty calls from that SAME DAY that all said some variation of, “Employee hung up due to customer using racial slurs.” Wow.

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His Brain Has Sprung A Leek

, , , , , | Working | March 4, 2021

When I’m at work, I frequently keep a mug of soup on my desk. My favorite kind is a creamy potato-leek combination. When sitting in a mug, it looks identical to coffee with cream. However, it smells nothing like coffee, of course.

I have a coworker who, in spite of frequent talkings-to by management, feels entitled to help himself to what others have. On the day in question, the office coffee machine is broken and my coworker has been grumbling about it near my desk.

I’m working on a report when he approaches me and looks down into my mug. Before I can say a word, he picks up my mug and takes a huge swallow. Then, he spits soup all over the floor.

Coworker: “THAT ISN’T COFFEE!”

Me: *Appalled* “I never said it was coffee! Who just picks up someone else’s cup and starts drinking? What is wrong with you, [Coworker]?!”

Coworker: “I wanted coffee! I need my coffee! Why did you trick me like that? How do you know I’m not allergic to whatever that is?”

I am beyond fed up.

Me: “Well, I hope you are! Maybe that will teach you not to steal someone else’s things!”

The coworker actually went to HR to complain about me “trying to kill him.” When they heard the entire story, he received a three-day suspension. I wish I could say that he learned his lesson, but when he returned, he still helped himself to other people’s things — just never mine again.

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At Least You Didn’t End Up With Egg On Your Face

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2021

I am stocking eggs. This woman picks a twelve-pack of eggs out of the cooler and accidentally knocks two six-packs off the shelf. One hits the other door and winds up under the shelf. The other falls onto the edge of the shelf and leans up against the other door. I open the left door to reach around to pick up and save the eggs, as none have broken. As I am reaching, the woman quickly yanks the right door open, allowing the eggs to splat on the floor.

Me: “You know that is why I opened this door and was reaching around — to save those eggs — right?”

Woman: “Oh, sorry!”

The customer’s boyfriend, who was standing behind her, looked at me, shrugging his shoulders, with a look like, “Now you see what I have to deal with!”

No customer cleans up their own messes, so of course, I had to clean up the egg mess.

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