A Category-Five Storm Of Whining

, , , | Right | September 22, 2017

(I work at a bank, and it is the day before Hurricane Harvey hits us. We are closing early, we have a skeleton crew, and we are slammed with cash transactions. Every loan officer on staff is helping the tellers and the IT staff prepare for the storm.)

Customer: “I need to talk to someone about an auto loan.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; we aren’t processing loan applications until we return from the storm.”

Customer: “Ugh, you have to be kidding me. I took off work, the auto dealer in [Town with mandatory evacuation] is closed, and now this? I took off work for this!”

Me: “Sir, this is a category-three storm, set to bring up to 50 inches of floodwater in some areas. Half of this area is under a mandatory evacuation. We have to be out by noon, by order of the mayor. You will not be able to buy a car today.”

Customer: “Unbelievable.” *storms out*

(He later wrote us a scathing review on social media and got pummeled in the comments section.)

A Weird Beard Exchange

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 22, 2017

I regularly played guitar on Sunday mornings with the music team at my church, and had for many years at the time of this story.

This particular Sunday was during a period where I was in between jobs, and I had let my beard grow out for a couple months due to laziness, and a little curiosity.

An old lady that I recognized, but had never talked to before, came up to me after service. “Excuse me,” she said, “I was looking at you during worship today, and I was just thinking that you used to be such an attractive young man. I just wish you’d take better care of yourself.”

To this day, that has been the only exchange between that woman and me.

Some People Should Not Be Approved For The Catalog

, , | Right | September 22, 2017

(I’m an order-taker for a catalog company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I just got y’all’s catalog, and I want to know what I’m approved for.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t quite catch that. Did you say ‘approved?’”

Caller: “Y’all sent me this catalog. Don’t that mean I been approved?”

Me: *still not quite understanding* “Um, there’s nothing in there that requires being approved.”

Caller: “You mean if I order something, I gots to PAY for it?!”

Me: “Yes, I—”

Caller: *click*

Unfiltered Story #94391

, | Unfiltered | September 22, 2017

(It’s one of the last days of sixth grade for me and I’m in the bus on the way home. My stop is one of the last stops so there aren’t many people still on board and I’m in the back by myself. I decide to be “rebellious” in a very 11-year-old way and slouch in the rear seat and, while the bus is stopped at a long light, I press my hand against the rear window with my middle finger fully extended. After a couple seconds I start to wonder if there’s actually anybody there, so I look and there’s a guy, probably in his late 20’s, sitting in the driver’s seat of the car directly behind us absolutely losing his mind, screaming and shouting and gesturing at me/the bus. Sitting next to him is a woman with her face buried in her hands, completely withdrawn. Since I was 11 and *all adults* were still authority figures to me in my mind, I was mortified. I moved up to the front half of the bus and hid in a seat. I was right in front of a friend, now, and told him what happened. The bus started to move again and we were driving down a long, 4-lane boulevard for well over a mile. I looked out the side of the bus and saw the guy who had been behind us leaning out the side of his car as he sped along side the bus, screaming at the bus driver to pull over. Again, I was mortified. Eventually we turned off the main road into my neighborhood and the guy in the car kept going straight, never to be seen again. It was at this point the bus driver spoke up.)

Driver: “Does anybody know what that guy was screaming about next to us back there?”

Friend: “YEAH! [My name] GAVE HIM THE FINGER!”

Me: “NO I DIDN’T!”



(It was dropped after that and never came up again. It’s been over 25 years since that happened and to this day I wish I could know what the heck that guy’s problem was. No one likes to be tossed the bird, but I feel like most people can also take the source into consideration when it’s coming from a 60-pound weasel on a yellow school bus.)

Unfiltered Story #94389

, , , | Unfiltered | September 22, 2017

A group of my friends and I plan a trip to visit Six Flags. We spend weeks getting excited about it and the day finally arrives. We park in the parking lot and as we walk to the gates, I notice an unusually high number of rainbow stickers on cars. Then when we get into the park, we notice a lot of groups of scantily-clad effeminate men, and a lot of groups of butch women, lots of people of the same gender doing things out in the open that would get a straight couple kicked out of a public place, and more double entendres in conversations with strangers while standing in line than you could wave a rainbow flag at. Within an hour, everyone else in my group figured it out, too. Turns out there was a pride event in St. Louis the day before and it was agreed upon that everyone attending would go to Six Flags the next day, though it was apparently never officially sponsored by Six Flags. Gotta say I’m kinda glad we skipped the water park.

Also that day I ran into some people I went to high school with (who I know for sure weren’t there for the events, for the record). It was nice to say hi to them and then we went about our day.

Several weeks later I ran into one of those people from high school and we talked about our respective amusement park visits.

Me: “Yeah, that was a fun day. Especially amusing because it was gay day,” I said.

Friend: *confused* “Gay day?”

Me: “Yeah . . . did . . . did you not notice that well over half the people there were homosexual? They weren’t exactly being discreet about it. There was a pride event in St. Louis that weekend.”

Friend: *the lights suddenly turning on* “Oh my gosh! That explains so much!”

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