Going Back To My Father’s Roots

, , , , , | Learning | March 1, 2018

(I am in a beginner-level Spanish class. Even though this is most students’ first experience with learning another language, the class is encouraged to discuss topics entirely in Spanish as much as possible. It’s a Monday morning, and the lesson of the day has to do with descriptions of events, and deeper responses to, “How are you?” conversation starters, beyond the typical, “I’m well, thanks. How are you?”)

Profesora: “¿Quien puede decir como fue su fin de semana?” *Who can tell how their weekend went?*

(A student, whose “Spanish name” is Patricio, volunteers.)

Patricio: “Este fin de semana no fue bien, porque mi papa esta enfermo.” *This weekend did not go well, because my dad is sick.*

(At least, this is what he tries to say. However:)

Profesora: “Your potato is sick?”

(The class shared a laugh and Patricio turned an embarrassed, pink shade as the teacher took this opportunity to explain the importance of certain punctuations, specifically the accent, indicating emphasis. Patricio, trying for papá [father], instead emphasizing the first syllable [PA-pa], accidentally called his father a potato.)

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In A State Of Confusion, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | March 1, 2018

(I work in a hotel that is situated in a city that has the same name as another state. I get phone calls like this on a regular basis despite the fact that our website clearly displays the full location on our website and in our hotel’s name. Also, we don’t have an area code at all, like those from the other state.)

Me: “Hello! This is [My Name] at [Hotel] in Indiana. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. Hello. I was wondering where in Indiana you were located.”

Me: “No problem. We are located on [Street] right off of the highway, and in the same area as [Store].”

Caller: “No, no. I meant what city in Indiana are you located in.”

Me: “We are actually located in the city of Indiana within the state of Pennsylvania. We are about 350 miles from the border of the state of Indiana.”

Caller: “But you’re website says you are located in Indiana.”

Me: “Yes. That is the city and not the state.”

Caller: “But I want a [Hotel] in Indiana.”

Me: “Then I suggest you look at our websites for hotels in the correct state. Have a good day, sir!”

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Might Need An Extra Day Off For Therapy

, , , , , | Working | March 1, 2018

(I am working part-time at a department store over the Christmas season. It is just about a week before Christmas. I am talking with a coworker about how busy it’s going to get.)

Coworker: “I have to work [days] next week.”

Me: “I work every day except [day], since I asked for it off.”

Coworker: “And they gave it to you?!”

Me: “Well, my mom actually died last month, and [Local Organization] is having a memorial for everyone who has died this last year. So, my brother and sister and I are all going.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I remember when I was younger, my uncle killed my aunt and then himself!”

(With that, she turns around and walks away.)

Me: “Congratulations. Your life sucks more than mine does.”

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The Number One Thing You Can Do With A Cat

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 1, 2018

(My boyfriend has stayed the night at my house. I leave for my morning class. I expect him to still be asleep when I get home, but he meets me at the door, looking frazzled.)

Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “Uh… What?”

Boyfriend: “I accidentally peed on your cat.”

(Turns out, my “helper” cat heard water running in the bathroom and, investigating the splashing noise in the toilet, ended up in the line of fire. My boyfriend calmed down when I explained that [Cat] repeatedly jumped into the toilet as a kitten and that was why I always keep the lid down.)

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A Sign From The Lord

, , , | Right | March 1, 2018

(My chorale meets once a week at a church on Wednesday nights, and since we share the building with various other organizations, chorale members have a specific code to get in. The following ensues the first time we try to use our new codes.)

Chorale Lady: *punches code* “Huh?”

Me: “Oh, you can’t—”

Chorale Lady: *ignoring me, punches code again* “They said this was the code… It’s supposed to be [code], right?” *punches it again without waiting for an answer*

Me: “Um, ma’am…”

Chorale Lady: *punches random buttons* “Ugh, this is SOOOOO frustrating!”

Me: *feeling amused and a bit annoyed, points to big 8.5×11″ sign above the keypad* “This might be why. ‘Codes are not working this week; please use intercom.’”

Chorale Lady: *blinks for a minute, then waves dismissively* “Oh, I never read signs if I don’t have to.”

Me: *face-palm*

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