Customer: “Can I have a couple of chicken breasts?”
Me: “Sure!”
I put two chicken breasts in the bag and put them on the scale.
Customer: “How many is that?”
Me: “Two.”
Customer: “I wanted three.”
Me: “Okay.”
I put in another chicken breast.
Customer: *Looking at the weight* “That’s not enough. Put a couple more in.”
I put in two more.
Customer: “How many is that?”
Me: “Five.”
Customer: “I wanted four.”
I take out one of the breasts.
I am staying at a hotel in Atlanta. There is a café in the lobby, and I go down to get my morning coffee. The door looks like it should be a “pull” door, but someone has to help me get in because it’s actually a “push”. While I’m waiting for my coffee, I see a couple having the same problem with the door, so I let them in.
The man says something but I think he’s talking to the barista behind me, and I’m listening to Fergie at an obscene volume.
Woman: “Helloooo?”
Man: “Are you doing service inside or out?”
Me: *Removing my headphones* “Huh?”
Woman: *Huffy* “Do we order here or will they come to take our order at our table?”
Me: “Um, you order at the counter.”
They look deeply offended by my work ethic, which is weird, considering my mullet is still wet and I have a**-out shorts, a shirt that says, “YEEHAW,” across the front, and a rainbow fanny pack with a Pokémon plush attached. I clearly don’t work there.
Barista: “Iced mocha and lemon poppyseed muffin?”
Woman: “That’s not ours.”
Barista: “I know. I’m trying to get it to the person behind you.”
Me: *Trying to get to the counter* “Excuse me.”
Man: “It’s not mine.”
Me: “Excuse me.”
The couple gives me a death glare.
Me: “Um…” *Tries to scoot past again, unsuccessfully* “Can you hand me my stuff?”
No luck.
Me: “Well, okay…”
I reached between them, invading all of our personal spaces; they huffed and puffed about it.
They gave me another sour look when they walked past my table outside. I don’t know if they genuinely thought I was a lazy employee, they thought the world revolved around them, or they just had a problem with my appearance, or a mix of all three.
I work in a big box store, and we have a manager dressed as Spider-Man walking around the store taking pictures with kids, etc., to raise awareness for our annual charity drive. I go into the back to get some security devices for some items that have been placed on the sales floor without them. I go to where they have been kept, but they aren’t there anymore.
Me: “Where is the spider wire?”
Spider-Man is back there and points to where it is now.
Me: “Thanks, Spider-Man. I knew you’d know where the spider wire is.”
I play Dungeons and Dragons with a group of friends. We do it at a specific house because he’s the only homeowner among us right now.
While we were playing one day, a door-to-door marketer came knocking.
My friend speaks Klingon and answered the door in Klingon, his standard way of dealing with solicitors. To our surprise, the salesman answered back in Klingon, as well. My friend wound up buying whatever it was after the salesman was able to do the whole pitch in Klingon.
My friend invited the salesman to join us at DnD next week. He accepted.
Three years later, they’re married. The salesman also isn’t working door-to-door anymore; he now manages social media accounts for a company.
I visited my parents for Thanksgiving recently. My mom has relatively recently gotten big into extreme conservative websites, as in the sites that complain that Fox News is way too liberal. I’ve seen a lot of silly changes as a result of this, but out of all of them, my biggest complaint is her refusal to get the vaccine despite the family all telling her it’s safer and my father complaining they can’t go on any vacations because she isn’t allowed to travel.
Mom: “I heard the vaccine hijacks your body to produce spike proteins.”
Me: “Well, it does teach your body to make spike proteins. That’s what teaches your body to fight the disease; it’s literally the vaccine’s job.”
Mom: “But it hijacks your body. Your body is so busy making spike proteins that it doesn’t protect against other diseases.
Me: “The spike proteins should only be generated for a few weeks. After that, the vaccine gets flushed out of your system, and without it, the proteins would stop being made. Besides, your body is making thousands of proteins every day; one more protein — and one made in very small quantities since it’s only created where the vaccine is present to trigger it — is chump change compared to all the proteins your body already produces. It shouldn’t stress the body, and the immune system is otherwise pretty independent from the protein production process, anyway.”
Mom: “That’s not what the sites I read said.”
Me: “No offense, Mom, but I don’t really trust the sites you read. You’re going to sites that people only visit if they want to hear that there is a problem with the vaccine, so those sites will tell you there is a problem whether or not there is one. It’s a kind of blatant conflict of interest. I only trust actual studies and scientific research.
Mom: “But they did that once. There was this doctor who had a patient who was getting treatment for something else anyway and was planning to get the vaccine, so the doctor suggested they do a study. They tested him before and after he got the vaccine, and afterward, his numbers were all down.”
Me: “What numbers?”
Mom: “The other spike proteins.”
Me: “Spike proteins are a [disease] vaccine thing. We don’t really call the other proteins your body makes ‘spike proteins’.”
Mom: “Whatever they were, the other proteins were lower.”
Me: “Okay, so, first of all, I doubt this supposed doctor actually published any paper on it, so we don’t have any proof he even exists. Like I said, you’re going to sites with an agenda, so it’s hard to trust they are publishing honest news. But even if this doctor did exist, and it was so easy to test protein production, it still wouldn’t mean anything. That was one guy without any kind of control; it’s purely anecdotal evidence. Maybe the guy had extra stress that week, or was injured, or didn’t eat well, or any one of a number of other things that could affect protein production other than the vaccine. There is no way to prove this one guy, if he even exists, had a drop due to the vaccine and not some other reason. That’s why proper studies need a large number of people and controls.
Mom: “Well, it’s still something. What do you have to prove that it doesn’t happen?”
Me: “A multitude of studies done by numerous independent sources.”
Mom: “What studies?”
Me: “They had to do a ton of studies before releasing the vaccine. Yes, I know it’s still technically an emergency authorization, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t do any studies at all. They’ve done numerous studies with literally hundreds of thousands of people involved. How do you think we know the success rate of the three vaccines? They gave a ton of people the vaccine and then saw how many got sick and how many were fine, and they compared that to a control because proper studies have controls! Why do you think it took longer for teens and then kids to be authorized for the vaccine? Because they had to do additional studies focused on those ages to make sure it was safe for them. If it was as easy to detect a body being ‘hijacked’ as you say, then don’t you think they would have noticed it when they vaccinated hundreds of thousands of people and watched them afterward to see what happened? There are numerous independent studies from many different countries, so you can’t say it’s just one group trying to keep things a secret or anything; it would have to be a worldwide conspiracy.”
My mom just sort of quieted down at this point. She didn’t say anything for a bit, and soon, we were able to change the subject. I can only assume she realized she didn’t have much room to argue with me on the subject.
I can only hope that between my dad and me, we might eventually convince her to trust the vaccine. She is in her late seventies and not taking any precautions about the crisis. She wanted to invite my sister and her family, who had just been exposed to the illness, to our house last holiday and was only convinced it was a bad idea when I pointed out that if they did that, I’d either have to leave or wouldn’t be allowed to go into work for two weeks afterward. I really am a little worried for her safety.
