I was working at a burger place around 1984 in the drive-thru. The weather was dry and not too cold. It was after 10:00 pm, so the dining room was closed. A bus arrived.

Normally, a bus coming is good news. It keeps us busy for a while, making the time pass quicker. In this case, with the closed dining room, it was different. The manager was troubled, but she couldn’t reopen the dining room. The bus wouldn’t fit in our drive-thru, so the people got out, lined up, and walked through. The manager helped them with their orders, and I did my normal thing of collecting payment and handing out food.

Then, the guy with the gun came. He wasn’t going to wait for forty or so people to get through the line, so he drove in past them. While his food was being made and I did my thing, none of us being paid enough to deal with the gun, the manager called the state police, who had a barracks across the street.

They nailed him as he left. Turned out it was a BB gun, but still.

Related:
Gun Controlling The Situation, Part 2
Gun Controlling The Situation

I’ve quit smoking and am using nicotine patches to help me through the post-quitting phase. My local pharmacy keeps the nicotine patches, gum, etc., on a shelf behind the cashier station.

Cashier: “Hi, can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I’d like a box of [Brand] nicotine patches, please.”

The cashier turns around so she is facing the nicotine products, with her back to me.

Cashier: “Hmm, I don’t see any nicotine patches. We have nicotine gum and lozenges.”

From the cashier’s point of view, facing the shelf, the nicotine patches are to her left, and the gums and lozenges are to the right.

Me: *Pointing to her left* “The patches are there, to your left.”

The cashier doesn’t turn around to see where I am pointing. Instead, she moves further to the right.

Cashier: “Where? I don’t see them. All I see are gums and lozenges.”

Me: *Still pointing to her left* “No, right there, to the left. See where I’m pointing?”

Cashier: “Where? I still don’t see them.”

Still not looking at me, she moves further to the right, away from the patches.

Me: “They’re to the left. No, your other left. There.”

I point more emphatically.

Still not looking at me, she moves even further to the right.

Cashier: “I don’t think we have them.”

Me: “No, to your left. I’m pointing right at them. You have to look at me to see where I’m pointing. That’s… That’s how pointing works.”

In the end, she never turns around or moves to her left, and she can’t figure it out. Finally, she has to ask one of her coworkers for help. The other cashier finds the patches right away.

Cashier: “Oh, there they are! They were to the left. I didn’t see them.”

Me: *Facepalms*

It’s late summer. I am sitting in the lobby of a hotel a few miles from the Gettysburg battlefield, waiting for a shot at a massively under-staffed and over-utilized breakfast buffet and reading my Nook.

Random Helpful Stranger: “Whatcha reading?”

Me: “Mr. Lincoln’s Army.”  

There’s a pause.

Random Helpful Stranger: “I can tell you how it ends.”

Our German shepherd, Donner, is a very big dog — 120 pounds of muscle and bone and a head the size of a microwave oven. He’s also very sweet-tempered and not, alas, the sharpest Crayola in the box.

Our vet, who is a tiny little woman, has him up on the table at his annual exam. When the time comes for him to get a booster shot, she asks me to hold his head in case he responds badly to the needle going in. He doesn’t, nor to the next one she administers. In fact, he doesn’t even seem to notice.

Vet: *After a thoughtful pause* “You know… I’m not sure his brain and his pain centers are connected.”

Me: “That’s an awfully nice way of putting it.”

I am talking on the phone with a client. I am telling her about background check requirements, and she’s giving me a hard time.

Me: “If you lived outside of the state within five years, you’ll need these extra background checks, so I need you to find out when you actually moved.”

Client: “It was either four or five years.”

We’ve been talking about this for two days now.

Me: “Well, it will still be noted on your report that you didn’t get them done when you were hired, but you may still need to get those extra background checks done now based on whether it’s been four or five years since you moved here.”

Client: “So, what’s the difference between four and five years?”

Me: “…”