An older man who looks clean and well-off comes into the store about five minutes to close and buys some eggs and bacon.

Customer: *To the cashier, after paying* “One of those eggs looks slightly cracked.”

Cashier: “So it is! Would you like to walk back and switch out the cartons?”

Customer: “Yes, I will.”

It turns out that he purposely bought a carton of eggs which had one egg slightly cracked. He goes back into the store knowing we will be closing up shop soon and that he is going to be let out without us looking him over too much after getting those eggs.

What he doesn’t know is that there is a security guard who overhears his inquiry to go back into the store and starts watching him. When he stuffs two extra packs of bacon and an extra carton of eggs into his bag, the security guard calmly walks to the exit to intercept him.

He makes it one step outside, and while being questioned by security and escorted back inside, he puts the items that he actually paid for down on the ground. The security guard hands me the stolen food, but the thief LEAVES HIS PAID-FOR FOOD OUTSIDE.

Soon after, a couple appears banging on the door a few minutes after closing.

Couple: “WE ONLY NEED SOME EGGS, PLEASE!”

I couldn’t help them as there was no way to cash them out, but they did notice the still-cold eggs and bacon outside the door. And, well, beggars can’t be choosers, am I right? 

Instant Karma for the thief, and something I have never seen since that day, and will never ever see again! Too perfect!

Me: “Your total comes to $33.81.”

Customer: “I only have $20.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *Stares at me expectantly*

Me: “…”

Customer: “Can I still have it?”

Me: “…no.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Do you not know how shopping works?” 

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 27
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 26
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 25
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 24
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 23

CONTENT WARNING: Gross (Feces)
 

Ages ago, I was in charge of the fitting rooms. A customer came up to me and said something like:

Customer: “Hey… I don’t know if you can help with this, but I wanted to let you know about that fitting room stall over there. It smells awful!”

I went to investigate. For all intents and purposes, the fitting room looked clean… FOR ONCE. If it wasn’t for the smell, I’d have thought it was a miracle.

But sure enough, it reeked of straight-up poop.

I moved the chair in the room. Nothing was hiding under that. I looked under the bench and didn’t find anything, either.

Finally, I looked up.

There was what appeared to be tissue stuffed into the light fixture.

I kid you not, someone SHOVED A TURD into the light! And it had been baking for a while…

Related:
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 27
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 26
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 25
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 24
Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 23

A guy comes into our animal shelter over the Christmas period.

Guy: “Excuse me, but your sign outside says, ‘A puppy is for life, not just for Christmas.’ Is that really all that common? People giving up their dogs after Christmas?”

Me: “I’m afraid it really is, sir. Puppies are very common Christmas gifts, but as they get older, we see a lot of families who didn’t do the research and aren’t prepared for the realities of a growing and energetic dog.”

Guy: “That’s horrible! How old are they when they’re given up?”

Me: “It varies, but usually, we get them handed in by the end of summer break. That’s usually the point when the family is overwhelmed — or even worse, bored of them.”

Guy: “This is making me so angry. I have a big house and land, and I have two dogs who get along pretty well with each other and other dogs! If you get anyone handing their dogs in as unwanted Christmas gifts, you give me a call. I will make sure they get a good home!”

Me: “Sir, that’s very generous of you, but we also need to make sure the dogs go to good homes, and when kind people such as yourself ask for multiple dogs we need to make doubly sure.”

Guy: “My family lives in three big houses spread over our farm. We have lots of kids between us all, and they’re always asking for dogs. We can take a bunch; trust me.”

He pulled out his phone and showed me his house, his two lovely dogs, his adult children, and so many grandkids that I lost track.

That year, he and the extended family (one adult couple and two couples each with multiple kids) adopted six dogs from us. I track them all on Facebook, and they seem like the happiest dogs ever, despite having been Christmas “rejects”.

I see one of the guys who works next door walk out without buying anything. When he would regularly do this, we would notice missing items, so we’re suspecting him of shoplifting.

He shows up one day with his name tag on from the store where he works next door. As we’re keeping an eye on him this time, we actually see him stealing

A group of three weak managers come up to me:

Manager: “Go next door and tell them what he’s doing.”

Luckily, one of my coworkers also works next door, so I just go in and tell him what we saw.

Coworker: “Yeah, we’re sure he’s stealing from here as well.”

As we’re discussing this, the shoplifter has come back in and sees/hears me ratting him out. That was the last time I saw him at either of our locations!