Honesty Gets You Oculus Repairo!

, , , , | Hopeless | August 27, 2017

(The December before I got married, my parents let me go to the optometrist one last time while I was still on their insurance. They had $1000 on their plan to use up or it would be lost on January 1st, so I was told to go nuts on a pair of glasses. I ended up with a very nice pair of flex-steel glasses that were very thin, especially along the bridge of the nose. Cue five years later and that very thin bridge has finally broken. I tape them up but the metal has actually curled in slightly so both sides are poking me in the nose and they are incredibly uncomfortable since the glasses don’t want to stay straight and want to fold in on themselves. I bring them to a chain glasses store and get told that the metal stresses as it ages and gets weaker, so they are shot. They can’t fix them, only get me a new pair, but since my prescription is more than two years old I have to get an exam as well. They tell me my only other option is to go to a jewelry store and have them laser weld the pieces back together. I go to a local jewelry store and thankfully the clerk is able to get them welded together for $35. About two months later, things in my life have taken a downturn. My hours were slashed from thirty-five a week to less than nine; my wife’s hours were also cut (we worked at the same restaurant). We have just signed up with WIC, cancelled everything but our cell phones and the most basic Internet package, and are still wondering how we are going to pay our bills. Sitting on the couch one night, my toddler throws his head back and breaks my glasses again. This time we don’t have $35 to fix them but I can’t work or drive without them so I go back to the jewelry store.)

Me: *hands over glasses to same clerk as before* “Sorry, I got a toddler head-butt to the face and they broke again.”

Clerk: “Well, the machine hasn’t been powered on yet today so it’s going to be the better part of an hour before these are fixed since it takes a while to warm up.”

(The place is downtown so I go and squint-browse at some of the other stores for an hour.)

Clerk: “Here you go. Try them on and see if they fit correctly.”

Me: *after verifying they fit* “So it’s $35?”

Clerk: “No charge. You were honest about it up front. You didn’t lie or try to blame us or demand anything. Kids happen, but I’d get them replaced sooner rather than later.”

(Thank you, Clerk, for helping a struggling family out! He saved us not having to stretch an immensely strained budget further. Two months later, my wife got a job with benefits and I got new glasses, and three months after that I found a full-time job with benefits of my own.)

This Is Not The Genre You Are Looking For

, , | Working | August 27, 2017

Me: *discussing children’s books* “Do we still put the Star Wars books in the superhero section?”

Coworker: “Superheroes?! The Star Wars characters aren’t superheroes! They’re space wizards!”

I Don’t Hate Men, Just You

, , , , | Romantic | August 27, 2017

(I’m at the library, minding my own business, when a man old enough to be my father approaches me. He’s not a total stranger; we have seen each other at the library before. We’ve even had the basic, “Hi, how’s the weather?” conversation the previous week, but nothing beyond that. Note that we haven’t said a single word to each other this day.)

Man: “Hey, here’s my number, [phone number]. And don’t forget it.”

Me: “Um… okay.”

Man: “So, what about dinner at [Local Restaurant]?”

Me: “I don’t date.”

Man: “What? Hate men or something?”

Me: “No. I’m asexual. I’m not into dating anyone.”

Man: “Oh. Coffee, then?”

(This is far from the only conversation I’ve had with men old enough to be my father. Without fail, even after telling them I don’t date, they ask me out for coffee. They don’t even seem to care enough about me to know I don’t drink coffee [I’m a tea drinker]. And this has happened over a half a dozen times.)

Washing Your Eyes In Jalapeños Would Be Less Painful

, , , | Right | August 27, 2017

(I’m working concession at my movie theater. We offer nachos, and have a few free side items to go with the nachos, including hot sauces and jalapeño slices. We ran out of jalapeños earlier in the night. A customer approaches me, clearly already grumpy and angry.)

Customer: “Get me nachos.”

Me: “Certainly, sir.”

(I fetch the nachos.)

Me: “That’ll be $6.99.”

Customer: “You’re f****** kidding me?! That’s insane! This is robbery!”

Me: “I’m truly sorry, sir.”

Customer: “Fine! But you better get me jalapeños!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we ran out of jalapeños earlier.”

Customer: *scoffs and glares at me with pure rage* “Really? REALLY?! Well, then… what are you going to do for me to make up for this ****ing inconvenience?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “I WANTED jalapeños. You don’t have them. So you’re going to give me something else for free! I want more a small popcorn!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m not authorized to do that. The jalapeños are an optional free bonus item. I’m not authorized to give you a pay-item to make up for an optional free item that we’re out of.”

Customer: “Well then, give me more nacho cheese!”

Me: “I’m going to have to charge you 99 cents for the cheese.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! You owe me compensation for my inconvenience!”

Me: “I really apologize, sir, but I’m really not authorized to give out free pay-items as compensation for a free optional bonus item.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He throws money at me and storms off. Five minutes later, I hear him swearing and screaming at the manager’s desk. A coworker who witnessed the initial exchange comes over to me.)

Coworker: “You know what’s probably happening? He’s probably trying to get you fired for following rules. And I’m willing to bet the manager is going to give him a bunch of free stuff to calm him down.”

Me: “Yeah… unfortunately, that’s probably the case.”

(A few minutes later, my manager indeed came over, grabbed a slew of food items, and gave them to the man for free to stop him from screaming. I was also scolded for following the rules we were told to follow about not giving out free pay-items to make up for out-of-stock free items. And I was later informed by other coworkers that the man spent the entire rest of the night swearing at and insulting them, demanding preferential treatment because that “***hole at concession” wouldn’t give him free items. It’s incidents like this that make me want to strangle whoever coined the phrase “the customer is always right.”)

Projecting A Sales Career

, , , , | Related | August 27, 2017

(My five-year-old daughter and her three-member troupe of Girl Scout Brownies are set up selling cookies. It’s been a good morning; they’ve sold quite a few, and the following happens. A gentleman in a business suit stops on his way out of the grocery and states very firmly to my daughter:)

Man: “Little girl, don’t even try to sell me any cookies, I am diabetic. Do you know what that means?”

Daughter: “Yes, sir, I do. My grandma and my daddy are both diabetic and can’t have sugar. But, does your wife like cookies?”

(He stops, and I can see him fighting a grin, he finally breaks and says:)

Man: “Yes, yes she does. Two thin mints. Here’s a twenty, keep the change.” *to me* “Mom, here’s my business card, when she gets about 21, I have a job in sales for her!”

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