I’m a contract-to-hire employee for an IT outsourcing company. My job consists of performing onsite warranty repairs for a major PC manufacturer. I have no office besides my car, and I usually only see my coworkers when I pick up our parts at a shipping facility near the airport.

Every morning, I open up my laptop and log into our ticketing system to review my work orders for the day before leaving for the pickup point. One morning, I do this and find that I have no tickets, which has never happened before. I frantically call, text, and email my manager, my coworkers, my former boss, and multiple contacts at the temp agency to get an explanation.

I get zero responses until, finally, I call the recruiter from the temp agency. He tells me he hasn’t heard anything, but then he checks his email and tells me that my contract and several other employees have been terminated without explanation. I’ve never been written up or reprimanded by my boss. I have heard talk of furloughs because the company is not doing well, but since I haven’t heard a word from anyone, I’m angry and confused about this whole ordeal. But, c’est la vie. So long, jerks.

Fast forward a few weeks. After not responding to my calls, texts, or emails for weeks, I get an unexpected email from my former boss on my personal email account.

Boss: “Do you still have a [Major University Customer] parking pass?”

Fortunately, I got a new job soon after that paid fairly well and lasted for four and a half years before I was laid off — with plenty of warning and six months’ severance. I eventually did return the parking pass, but needless to say, I was in no rush to do so.

A customer is short three cents on a “spend over $5 and get 10% off” deal.

Customer: “Ugh! Just apply the deal!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t. Maybe you could buy a pack of gum? They’re fifty cents, so your total would be $5.47, and with the 10% discount, your total would be $4.92. You’d be spending five cents less and get an extra pack of gum!”

Customer: “No! That’s a stupid idea!”

Instead, she ran over to the produce aisle, grabbed a leaf of lettuce, weighed it, and purchased it at the per-pound rate to hit exactly three cents. She walked off with a smug smile, leaving the single lettuce leaf behind.

I have just helped a caller get their Internet back up and running — a simple case of resetting their router.

Caller: “Thank you for bringing back the Internet!”

Me: “I’m glad I could help, sir.”

Caller: “Should someone tell everyone else?”

Me: “Tell them what?”

Caller: “That the Internet is working again?”

Me: “Oh, no, we only needed to fix your Internet.”

Caller: “You mean everyone else still doesn’t have Internet?! How silly!” *Click*

Related:
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 4
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 3
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet, Part 2
Sooo Not Ready For The Internet

I work in retail. I am talking with a male coworker after coming back from a week of vacation.

Coworker: “The ladies’ room ran out of toilet paper yesterday. I was the only one available to restock it at the time.”

Me: “Okay, sounds fair.”

Coworker: “I knocked on the door and nobody answered, so I went in. But I saw that someone was in one of the stalls moaning about having no paper, so I placed the toilet roll down on the floor next to the stall so the lady would be able to reach it and I walked out. After she came out, the lady flipped out! She was complaining about a man coming into the lady’s room without knocking.”

Later that day, I see a woman complaining to the manager.

Customer: “…and there was a man in the ladies’ room!”

Manager: “Do you know which employee it was?”

She looks at me, and then describes me!

Customer: “It was the big guy with the beard!”

I was the only employee that matched that description. She didn’t realize, though, that I was on vacation. I hadn’t even been in the store for days. She just wanted to get somebody in trouble, no matter who it was.

Every day — I kid you not, every f****** day — this dirty-looking guy comes in.

Customer: “Gimme two [ninety-nine-cent hamburgers] with extra pickles on the side. Those burgers are not to be microwaved!”

We microwave all burgers to ensure the buns are warm. When we give him his burgers, he always unwraps one at the counter and takes a bite to make sure it’s acceptable, and he almost always flips out, screaming at the employees, who are mostly teenagers.

Customer: “My burger is cold!”

We apologetically take the g**d*** burgers back and microwave them and hand them back out to him, and of COURSE, he says:

Customer: “Now that’s how you make a burger!”

I’d love to just microwave them the first time to avoid this, but management says we have to comply with the order as given. Looking forward to repeating this tomorrow!