Captain Jack Says Stick To Rum, Instead

, , , , | Related | March 2, 2018

(My mother is listening to Billy Joel’s song “Captain Jack.” The lyrics seem to suggest that “Captain Jack” is some sort of drug. Since my mother’s been listening to Billy Joel forever, I figure she’d know about the song’s meaning:)

Me: “What is Captain Jack?”

Mother: “I don’t know; I was going to ask you.”

Me: “Is that what they mean when they say, ‘Talk to your kids about drugs’?”

The Recouponator

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2018

(I am working my first job as a cashier in a large and popular retail store. I have only been there a couple of weeks. Note that while we may have coupons out on the registers, we are not allowed to offer them up. If a customer sees it in time, they may use it. If not, they can take one for another time, or just move on.)

Me: *completing the transaction* “And if you could just sign this for me?”

(Once we reach the point of a signature, there’s no going back. If something is wrong by then, a manager must do a post-sale void or adjustment.)

Customer: *sees a coupon specifically for the only thing she’s buying* “Wait. Can I use this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t apply anything else at this point. I can’t go back from here.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just put it in?”

Me: “I don’t even have the option to go back at this point. We can only complete the transaction; maybe customer service can help you.”

(This goes on for a moment, before she finally completes it, takes her receipt, and goes to customer service. A little while later, a coworker of mine from customer service comes up to me at my register.)

Coworker: “Did you have a lady over here, complaining about—” *picks up coupon* “—one of these?”

Me: *laughing* “Yes.”

Coworker: “I just wanted to apologize for her. She was rude to me, too.”

(I told him not to worry about apologizing for her, because some people are just like that. According to him, she complained about our training. Sorry we can’t apply coupons AFTER a transaction!)

Time To Call It A Night

, , , , , | Working | March 2, 2018

(I have a coworker at a hotel who we think maybe has a drug addiction. There are several times she has come in to work jumpy as hell and super spacey, with eyes red as tomatoes. One day, I get a call from my ops manager:)

Ops Manager: “Did you leave a bunch of clean laundry on the laundry room floor?”

Me: “No.”

(I am thinking to myself that it must have been my druggy coworker, as she was the only one in there after me.)

Ops Manager: “Okay, then.”

(I ask no more questions about it that day, but I do hear the ops manager on the phone with [Coworker], and it sounds a lot like she is trying to explain herself and yelling at him. That night, she comes in to relieve me after my shift — a half-hour late, mind you — and launches into a massive rant about how our manager is out to get her.)

Coworker: “I just want you to know, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at [Ops Manager] because he’s out to get me fired. I was here last night doing laundry, and I was told me to put the phone on night mode and take the cordless phone with me so I could answer the phone while I was folding. But I came back to the desk a half-hour later and [Hotel Owner] called and asked me why the phone has been saying we were closed for 30 minutes. I told him I had been using the cordless and doing laundry, and he told me to stay at the front desk so I could answer the phone, and not to worry about laundry. So, I did, and that’s why it isn’t done. And [Ops Manager] tells me, ‘It’s not going to get you fired.’ Well, it had d*** well better not, ‘cause it ain’t my fault!”

(She keeps insulting him and ripping on him. Through all of this, I am slowly getting more angry, because our manager is a really cool guy. Our general manager decides to swing by the next night. Our crazy coworker doesn’t know he’s planning on doing this. She gets there — again, about 30 minutes late — and doesn’t say much to me. Honestly, she doesn’t seem sober. So, she goes out to smoke on the curb, and I leave. My general manager gets there about 20 minutes later and calls me at home.)

Me: “Hey, what’s up?”

General Manager: “You said [Coworker] came in, right? Her car’s not here and the lights are off in the lobby.”

Me: “That’s weird. Yeah, she got there about 10:20. I left about 10:45 and she was still there.”

General Manager: “Okay… Weird. All right, well, see you tomorrow.”

(I hang up and go to bed, when he calls me again.)

Me: “Hey, is everything okay?”

General Manager: “She’s not here!”

Me: “Um, what?”

General Manager: “[Coworker], she isn’t here. Her car isn’t here, the lobby lights are all out except by the breakfast bar, her purse is spilled across the floor, and she isn’t here!”

Me: *instantly thinking something horrible happened to her* “Oh, my God! Did you check the bathrooms and laundry to make sure she didn’t have a seizure or pass out or something?”

General Manager: “Yes, and I checked the cameras, and she’s nowhere in the hotel.”

(Suddenly his side of the line goes quiet and I can hear someone in the background.)

General Manager: *to person* “Where ya been?”

(More quiet.)

General Manager: “[My Name], can you come back in?”

Me: “I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

(When I arrived, we found out that this coworker has been LEAVING the hotel every night when our general manager and the owner weren’t here. When she wasn’t answering phones for a half-hour, she simply wasn’t in the hotel. We could’ve been robbed or lost business, or a fire could’ve started; anything could’ve happened because the place wasn’t locked up and she wasn’t there to help. Of course, she was fired, and from that very night it’s a big joke between the managers and me. The best part is, when the lady who does breakfast in the morning came in, she was mad at me for not making coffee for her, because [Coworker] usually did it for her.)

Landing A Job Causes Someone Else To Crash

, , , , , , , | Working | March 2, 2018

(I am a teenager fresh out of school. I need some money but don’t have much work experience, so I apply for several retail and entry-level jobs. I get a few interviews, including one at a well-known retail chain, [Store]. The interview goes well, and I am told I’ll hear from them within the week. In the meantime, I continue going on interviews, and about two weeks later I accept a job in another field. Two full months after my interview at [Store], I get the following phone call:)

HR Representative: “Hi, this is [HR Representative] from [Store], calling for [My Name]. We just wanted to let you know that your first shift is on Monday, so we need you to come in and fill out some paperwork before then.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s been so long since the interview, and I hadn’t heard anything, so I accepted another position. I appreciate your call, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to work with you.”

HR Representative: “But you filled out an application and said you wanted a job.”

Me: “Yes, I did. But my interview was two months ago, and no one from [Store] ever contacted me to offer me a job, or to tell me that I was in line for one. Your call is the first contact I’ve had. I applied several places and have accepted a position in another field. I really needed a job, you see, so I took one when it was offered.”

HR Representative: “Well, we’re really short-staffed, so we need you to start on Monday.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I really can’t. The job I’ve accepted is full-time, Monday to Friday, so I really wouldn’t be available for anything beyond occasional part-time work.”

HR Representative: “But we need you on Monday.”

Me: *pause* “…and I’m very sorry, but I am not available.”

HR Representative: “You shouldn’t lie on your application. If you say you want a job, you should take it when it’s offered.”

Me: “That’s exactly what I did.”


Surely They’re Toying With You?

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2018

(This has happened multiple times as I finish ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, that’s it.”

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

(The customer then points at a child holding a toy, on the other side of the store, who in no way has displayed any connection to the customer until just this moment.)

Customer: “Did you get his toy?”

Me: “No. Please bring it up here and I’ll ring it up.”

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