Love Me, Tenders

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2021

My coworker hands me the phone saying the caller is asking for me. This is weird already, especially since most phone calls like this are complaints.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Were you running the window earlier?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Do you remember getting two three-piece chickens?”

Me: “The three-piece tenders with fries? Yes, I do.”

Caller: “I just wanted to thank you for giving me extra tenders in them! And the chicken was so good! Thank you very much!”

Me: “I put those in there because they were small. I’m glad you enjoyed the food, ma’am. Thank you!”

Caller: “Thank you! You have a good night.”

Me: “You, too, ma’am. Bye.”

This made me so happy. It is so rare we get compliments like that, especially from someone calling us after coming in. It made my night! To that lady, I hope I see you again. Thank you!

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His Short-Change Blew A Short-Circuit

, , , , , | Right | June 16, 2021

I work at a chain of hardware stores where the customer and cashier stand on the same side of the check-out belt. It’s 6:30 am and I get my first customer of the day. He’s a little sketchy, hood pulled up and sunglasses on inside, not looking at me or talking to me, but it’s 6:30 am and I figure he’s hungover. He puts a single item into my belt, which I scan, and he hands me a bill from his wallet without looking at it as it’s the only one in there. It’s a $10 bill, so I give him the correct change. Without even looking at the change, he immediately shouts at the top of his lungs:


Amused, tired, and realizing I must be dealing with the dumbest shortchange artist in the history of ever, I simply reply:

Me: “That’s right, you did give me a ten.”

He stopped, stared at me with a deer-in-the-headlights look, finally looked down at the change in his hand, and turned bright red and ran out of the store without his item, never to be seen again. 

If you’re going to try and shortchange someone, at least make sure you’re awake enough to remember your lines and say you paid with a higher bill.

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You Mean Other People Bank Here, Too?

, , , | Right | June 16, 2021

I am a personal banker. The phone rings:

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to know if a check cleared my account.”

Me: “Okay, and can you tell me what account that would have been written from?”

Customer: “My checking account.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Okay, can I get the name on the account or an account number?”

Customer: “Oh, let me look and see.”

Seriously, I know the check came from your checking account, but that doesn’t help if I have no idea who you are to begin with!

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Magic: The Boobening

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2021

I am the youngest and only female staff member in the comic shop where I work. I am also described as being a short, really busty Tinkerbell. This has caused some problems in the past with customers, but this is by far one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had.

We’re running a “Magic: The Gathering” tournament, and due to there not being enough people, I agree to jump in and play, too. When I get to the second round, I am put against a man a few years older than me who always comes in with his mom.

Me: “Hey, [Customer], so I know you’ve been playing this game for years. I started, like, three months ago. So, try not to crush me, all right?”

He smiles and nods, and the game goes on. I’m doing surprisingly well and manage to beat him in two out of three games, sending me to the next bracket. After we shake hands and he congratulates me, his mother comes to the table while we are getting our decks back together.

Mother: “You know, you really don’t have to resort to… those tactics to win. Is that what [Store Owner] told you to do today?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Mother: “You know! Obviously, these boys can’t play well if they’re distracted!”

Me: “Distracted by…?”

Mother:Those! How much tissue paper did you stuff that shirt with, anyways?! You look like Dolly Parton!”

She’s waving her hands towards my chest, which has now gotten the attention of other players around us. Both her son and I are now blushing from the attention being focused on us.

Me: “Ma’am, they’re real. There isn’t anything stuffed down my shirt. And I can’t do anything about their size or whether or not people stare at them. I won because I got lucky, that’s it.”

Mother: “Well, he should still be allowed your spot, because you distracted him!”

Me: “Hey, [Customer], did I distract you with my feminine charms?”

Customer: “Your what?”

Me: “My boobs. My huge tracts of land. Were you too distracted to play?”

Customer: “Um… no? No, you’re a minor. I swear I wasn’t checking you out!”

Me: “I know you wouldn’t, but seriously, tell your mom that. Okay, off to the next player!”

The son looked a little embarrassed, but at least his mom shut up and let us all finish the tournament, standing in a corner to pout like a child. He still ended up doing really well, and we joke about me cheating whenever he loses to me in a game.

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Loyalty, Thy Name Is Dog

, , , , , , , | Legal | June 16, 2021

Police came and pulled a student out of my class, much to the interest of his classmates. He was informed that he was needed at his home immediately but was given no other information. The cops loaded the boy into the back of the cruiser, while his classmates looked on, and they went to the boy’s house.

When they arrived, this was the scene that greeted him. A group of cops was standing at the gate to the backyard, one with his sidearm drawn and pointing into the backyard. The boy was brought forward and he saw two men sitting in the tree in the backyard with his dog at the base watching them and growling softly.

Apparently, one of the men, actually a teenager, had hopped the fence and broken into the house and then proceeded to help himself to whatever took his fancy. As the burglar started to exit the house, a big white dog came charging out, barking at full volume, charging the teen into the backyard and up the tree. The dog had managed to close his jaws on the rear pocket of the teen’s jeans and turn out the entire panel; his wallet was located in this panel.

The dog heard the cops approaching as they responded to a neighbor reporting the break-in and had slunk back into his ambush spot. The cops saw the teen in the tree and one jumped the fence to arrest him. Out came the dog again, barking at full volume. The officer ended up in the same tree as the teen.

The other officers were trying to decide what to do when, as it’s a small town, one was sent to collect the boy from school. The officer with the drawn sidearm was getting set to “end the situation” when the boy appeared. The boy was asked to control the situation, which he did. He walked into the backyard and called the dog to his side. The dog looked over his shoulder, wagged his tail at seeing his owner, and turned back to continue growling at the men in the tree, all the while scooting backward toward the boy.

When the dog reached the boy, he was sent into the garage where the boy closed the door behind him. He turned to the cops and asked, “What’s the problem?”

The teen was arrested and hauled off and the cops, impressed with the display, actually offered to buy the dog. It seems the dog would let you enter but wouldn’t let you leave.

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