Identity Crisis

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I want 20 Marlboros.”

Me: “Do you have any ID at all?”

(The customer lifts his right sleeve on his t-shirt to reveal a tattoo of a date.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept that.”

Customer: “Why not? That’s my f****** date of birth! You think I’d just get some random date done on my arm?”

Me: “We need photo ID, sir, like a driver’s license or a passport.”

(The customer points at his face.)

Me: “Umm…”

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A Man Of Many Faces, All Of Them Dumb

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2009

(I had lost my entire wallet just a week prior. A customer approaches my check stand. He has an 18-pack of beer on the belt, and he looks about 20 years old.)

Me: *ringing him up* “ID, please.”

Customer: “You got it!”

(The customer pulls out a wallet that looks exactly like mine, broken chain and all. He then proceeds to show me my own ID.)

Me: *taking my wallet back from him* “Two problems with this.”

Customer: “What the h***, man?!”

Me: “First off, this is MY ID; MY wallet. Secondly, I’m not 21, and neither is this thing.”

Customer: *runs out of the store*

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Coworkers Uber Alles

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2009

(A young teenage girl comes up to my till and places several bottles of alcopops on it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but as you don’t look over 21 I am afraid I am going to have to ask to see some ID for these.”

Girl: “What? I’m old enough. Obviously. Like, I never get asked for ID.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid I still need ID.”

Girl: “Why you being rude? I told you I am old enough.”

(This continues for about 25 minutes until I get fed up.)

Me: “Look, you obviously don’t have any ID so I am not going to serve you. If you want to complain you can go to customer services.”

Girl: “Fine!”

(Ten minutes later, my supervisor comes over.)

Supervisor: “I just heard you got a complaint. I must say that I am very disappointed.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I just lost it, I guess.”

Supervisor: *laughs* “Oh, no. That’s fine. Just that we all had a bet on how long you would last. If only you would have lasted a little longer.”

(A little while after this, the girl returns. She’s led by a much older man who I guess is her father. He places on my till the exact same items his daughter had.)

Man: “Right. I want these and before you ask, here is my ID.”

(He pulls out his driver’s license and waves it in my face, smirking to his daughter. He obviously thinks he is being really clever.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t sell you these.”

Man: “Why the h*** not?! I’m plenty old enough!”

Me: “Yes, sir. But it is also quite obvious that you are buying them for this girl, which means I can’t sell them to you.”

Man: “I want to speak with your supervisor.”

(I call my supervisor over and explain the situation. The man jumps in before she can respond.)

Man: *to Supervisor* “So, what you gonna do? You gonna sell me these d*** drinks and fire that little s***?!”

Supervisor: *calmly* “I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I will give you thirty seconds to get out or I will call the police. Buying alcohol for a minor is a criminal offense.”

(Needless to say he left in a hurry, muttering furiously to his daughter. Sometimes, with the worst customers, you find the best coworkers.)

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Ah, College, Part 2

, , | Right | March 19, 2009

(I’m a bouncer in a college bar where you must be 21. Lots of underage people try coming in with fake IDs.)

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

College Student: “Yeah…”

(He hands me an ID that says he is 20.)

Me: “Um, you are only 20.”

College Student: “Yeah, you can read a birthday! Can I go in now?”

Me: “You have to be 21 to get in.”

College Student: “Oh… *hands me a fake ID* “…how about now?”

Me: “Now you just lost your fake ID.”

 

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License To Breed

, , , | Right | March 12, 2009

(A blond teen of about 16 or 17 is trying to buy alcohol. She is pushing a stroller with a baby in it.)

Customer: “I just want to buy it, okay?”

Me: “May I please see some ID?”

Customer: “I have a baby here!” *points at child*

Me: “Um… that child is not your ID.”

Customer: “But I can clearly buy alcohol if I have a baby!”

Me: “Of course…”

Customer: “So you’re going to let me buy it?”

Me: “I said I’m going to need to see some ID.”

Customer: “God, keep your god-d*** beer!” *rushes out of store with stroller*

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