Fake ID, Real Emotions

, , , , | Legal | May 28, 2018

(I am working third shift in a convenience store. A guy walks in. He looks about 14. He brings a six-pack of beer to the counter.)

Me: “Uh, I need to see your ID.”

(The guy hands me his driver’s license, but he’s shaking so hard from nervousness it’s hard to take it from him. It turns out he’s 16.)

Me: “Sorry, you’re not old enough to purchase this product. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

(I hand him back his ID. The guy slinks out of the store but returns a minute later.)

Guy: “Man, did you keep my ID? Please don’t call the cops! My parents will kill me!”

(I assure him I gave the ID back to him but he is panicking and starts to cry:)

Guy: “Please, man, just give me back my ID.”

(I spent the next five minutes with this sobbing dude looking around the parking lot and inside his car trying to find his ID, trying all along to convince him that I had not confiscated it and called the cops on him. Finally, he reached into his underwear and retrieved the ID. He was so nervous he had missed his pocket and slipped the ID into his waistband. He fled, and I never saw him again.)

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Twice The IDs, Half The Brain

, , , , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(After the release of a certain explicit movie based on a book, my cinema chain has cracked down on checking IDs to make sure we don’t receive fines for underage viewers. A group of teenage girls, who are clearly between 16 and 18, approach the counter. I know I have to ask them for ID, but because they are so excited and I need to get through a busy queue quickly, I internally decide that if just one of them can show me they’re over the age, then I will let the others slide.)

Me: “I’m going to need to see some ID before I can sell the tickets to you.”

Girl #1: *smug* “Well, I’ll show you mine, since I’m buying them.”

Me: “Sure, whatever.” *takes offered driving license*

Girl #1: “So, how much?”

Me: “Uh, this says you’re seventeen. I can’t let you in. Sorry.”

Girl #1: “What? Let me see that!”

(She snatches back her license and studies it. I watch as her eyes widen in understanding.)

Girl #2: “[Girl #1], what’s the problem? You said you’d make sure that we could get in.”

Girl #1: *in undertone* “S***, I gave the real one.” *to me in normal voice* “Hey, can I give you my other ID?”

Me: “You’re asking if you can give me your other ID that has a different age on it?”

Girl #1: “Yes!”

Me: “No. See you later.”

(Nice try!)

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Reading Like They Were Born Yesterday

, , , , , | Working | August 23, 2017

(I’ve just turned 21 and am at our local liquor store near our college, buying my first legal bottle of alcohol.)

Employee: “May I see your ID?”

Me: *dutifully hands over driver’s license and straightens up proudly*

Employee: *stares intently at the license for 10-15 seconds and hands it back*

My Friend: “Aren’t you going to wish him a happy birthday? He’s 21 today!”

Employee: “Oh, no sh**?! Happy birthday?” *grabs my license back* “Where’s the birth date on this thing, anyway?”

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One Ring To Prove It All, And In The Darkness ID Them

, , , , , | Working | August 9, 2017

(I am at a business conference. The dinner for the conference that night is at a restaurant. Because the conference is paying for drinks, they are carding at the door. I’m Mormon, and therefore don’t drink. I’m not familiar with how these types of places work — since I don’t drink, I don’t frequent them — and I do bear some responsibility for not knowing how carding procedures work. In line, I step up to him.)

Door Guy: “Do you have ID?”

Me: “I don’t drink.”

Door Guy: “Doesn’t matter. The drinks are generally available in the layout, so everyone needs ID.”

Me: “Oh. I’m 25. Let me dig out my license.”

Door Guy: “You should have had it ready!”

Me: “I apologize. As I said, I don’t drink. I didn’t know you needed them for everyone.”

Door Guy: “You should have known!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t drink, so I don’t know how this works.”

Door Guy: *scoffs* “Sure you don’t drink! You were hoping I’d let you through without ID because of that.”

Me: *showing him my license* “Here it is. See, I’m 25.”

Door Guy: “That’s a fake.”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Door Guy: “Utah is the easiest state to fake their licenses. That’s a fake.”

Me: “Or I just live in Utah.”

Door Guy: “You tried to get out of showing ID, and then you give me the most faked state.”

Me: “I really am sorry that I didn’t have it ready. I didn’t know, because I don’t usually have this situation as I don’t drink.”

Door Guy: “People don’t just not drink.”

Me: “It’s for religious reasons. I’m Mormon.”

Door Guy: “A likely story.”

Me: “No, really.”

(Not sure what else to do, I hold up my hand which has a CTR ring, a common Mormon jewelry. Though generally only worn by Mormons, there’s no reason that someone else couldn’t wear one. It’s a bit like a Jew wearing a Star of David. There’s no reason someone else couldn’t wear one, but there’s no reason they would. The door guy looks at my hand.)

Door Guy: “Oh, you really are. Come on in!”

(I’m still not sure why he doubted the valid ID, but wearing a ring? Proof!)

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Forever Under 21

, , , , , | Working | June 20, 2017

(I just turned 21 a few days ago and so my mom and granny decide to take me with them to spend a weekend in Louisiana, to go to a few of the casinos there. I have a current driver’s license, but it dates to when I was 17 or 18 and has “UNDER 21 UNTIL [Date three-to-four days ago]” in red letters in the upper right hand corner. At the first two casinos we go to, they just looked at the ID and let me enter and sign up for their perks and the like, but the third one goes a little differently than we planned. Having gone through the song and dance twice before, I’ve already got my ID card in my hand because I already know what to expect.)

Security Guard: “May I check your ID?”

Me: “Sure thing; here it is.”

(I hand it to him and was expecting to get it back after a few seconds after he verified that I was 21, but NOPE!)

Security Guard: *handing my ID back* “Sorry, can’t let you in.”

(All three of us, almost at the same time, speak up about the decline.)

Me: “What?”

Mom: “And why not?”

Granny: “Excuse me?!”

Security Guard: “It says he’s under 21.”

(My mom and granny are both about to speak when I look at them, non-verbally telling them to let me deal with it.)

Me: “Excuse me.” *I hold the ID and point to the date listed under the “UNDER 21” notice which, as I stated before, was a few days ago* “It also say until [Date], see. ‘Under 21 until [Date].’”

Security Guard: “Sorry, but I can’t let you in with an ‘Under 21’ license due to the law.”

Me: “Excuse me, but I went to both [Casino #1] and [Casino #2] without an issue. Can you get your supervisor here, please?”

Security Guard: “He’ll tell you the same thing, but fine, if you want to waste my time!”

(He pulls what I presume to be an in-line mic and says what I can only guess to be a code for assistance. Afterwards, he motions to my mom and granny.)

Security Guard: “You two can go in, but he has to stay out here.”

Mom: “That is my SON! If you’re not going to let him in, I’m not going in!”

(He just releases a bit of a huff and says more code into the mic, and after a few moments the supervisor comes… followed by a police officer.)

Supervisor: “What seems to be the issue here?”

Security Guard: “He’s trying to get in but has an ‘Under 2’1 license and these two are claiming to be his mother and grandmother to try to get him in.”

Mom: “We aren’t ‘claiming to be’ anything!”

Supervisor: *to me* “Can I see your ID, please?”

(I hand him my ID and quickly I see the supervisor narrowing his eyes before dismissing the police officer.)

Supervisor: “Did you even bother to see his date of birth?”

Security Guard: “No, why should I? It very clearly says that he’s under 21.”

Supervisor: “It says he WAS under 21 until about a few days ago! His 21st birthday just passed!”

Security Guard: “Then why is it still there?!”

(At this point the supervisor just shakes his head and begins to escort my mom, granny, and me into the casino room and towards the sign up area for player cards. After we sign up and/or update information, he takes our player cards and walks me over to one of the machines that checks point balance and perks. He slips my card into it and then starts entering some codes and does the same for my mom’s and granny’s cards.)

Supervisor: “There you go. In addition to each of your birthday bonus and rewards — happy birthday to all three of you, by the way — I added another $21 in bonuses for the hassle. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have other things I need to do.”

(I don’t know what the “other things” were but when I had to leave the area about 30 minutes later to use the restroom the original guard was gone and replaced with a new one. A quick flash of my player card and I was back in the area without problem.)

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