Ah, College, Part 2

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2009

(I’m a bouncer in a college bar where you must be 21. Lots of underage people try coming in with fake IDs.)

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

College Student: “Yeah…”

(He hands me an ID that says he is 20.)

Me: “Um, you are only 20.”

College Student: “Yeah, you can read a birthday! Can I go in now?”

Me: “You have to be 21 to get in.”

College Student: “Oh… *hands me a fake ID* “…how about now?”

Me: “Now you just lost your fake ID.”

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License To Breed

, , , | Right | March 12, 2009

(A teen of about 16 or 17 is trying to buy alcohol. She is pushing a stroller with a baby in it.)

Customer: “I just want to buy it, okay?”

Me: “May I please see some ID?”

Customer: “I have a baby here!” *points at child*

Me: “Um… that child is not your ID.”

Customer: “But I can clearly buy alcohol if I have a baby!”

Me: “Of course…”

Customer: “So you’re going to let me buy it?”

Me: “I said I’m going to need to see some ID.”

Customer: “God, keep your god-d*** beer!” *rushes out of store with stroller*

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Sorry I Asked

, , , | Right | June 5, 2008

(I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen-year-old girls!”

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As Dumb As You Look

, , | Right | February 23, 2008

(I work the door sometimes at a local bar, and it normally goes as follows:)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Girl #1: “Yeah, sure. Here it is.”

Me: “Thanks, hmm… This doesn’t look like you.”

Girl #1: “Well, you can ask me anything on it. I know all of it.”

(I ask her friend that is trying to come in with her.)

Me: “Okay, what’s her name?”

Girl #2: “Umm…”

Me: “Thought so.” *handing back her ID* “You have a nice night, and maybe pay for your fake next time.”

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