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Bison Wings Has An Interesting Ring To It

, , , , , | Right | August 1, 2008

Client: “I need a flight.”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. Where to?”

Client: “Bison.”

Me: “Um… okay, ma’am. And that is?”

Client: “In the US.”

Me: “Sure… and what state?”

Client: “I am not sure, but I need one leaving Friday.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t find any flights to Bison.”

Client: “It’s a BIG place. ”

Me: “Do you mean Buffalo, New York?”

Client: “We don’t call them BUFFALO anymore.”

Me: “Ma’am, they didn’t change the name of the city.”


This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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The Lion, The Witch And The Supply Cabinet

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2008

(Note: The women’s bathroom in our store has a large handicapped stall which also holds an eight-foot-tall locked wooden storage cabinet for supplies. )

Coworker: “Thanks for calling [Coffee Place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, is this [Coffee Place]?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is. How can I help you?”

Customer: “This is the [Coffee Place] in [Public Square]?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “The one with the bathroom?”

Coworker: “Uh… yes?”

Customer: “Oh, well, I’m calling from the women’s room. The door is locked and I can’t get out.”

Coworker: “Well, if you turn the handle of the door and pull it should open.”

Customer: “There is no handle! I’m locked in!”

Coworker: “Okay, I’ll have someone over in a moment.”

Coworker: *to me* “Ummm… so some lady locked herself in the bathroom and can’t get out.”

Me: “Seriously?”

(I head over to the bathroom, letting myself in with the spare keys. There is, in fact, a woman in the large stall, yelling for help.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, your stupid door locked me into the stall and now I’m stuck in here! ”

(I can hear her fumbling with something, but it isn’t the stall door latch.)

Me: “Okay. Well, if you’ll just come over to the stall door, turning the knob should open it.”

Customer: “There is nothing to turn! The door only has a handle!”

Me: “It does. I’m standing on the other side of it.”

Customer: “Well, then why don’t YOU open it! You’ve already kept me locked in here for a half hour!”

(I fiddle with the lock and manage to open it from the outside after a moment, only to see the woman prying at the supply cabinet door.)

Customer: “Oh, I came in this door. I thought that one…” *points to supply cabinet* “… led to the men’s room.”

(Without another word, she walks out of the bathroom and out of the store.)

Coworker: “Maybe she was trying to get to Narnia?”


This story is part of the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

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Welcome To Earth, Population: Me

, , , | Right | July 28, 2008

(A customer calls.)

Caller: “Is my car ready to be picked up?”

Me: “I can check for you, sir. Which car is it?”

Caller: “The one I dropped off this morning.”

Me: “Right, and which one would that be?”

Caller: “The one that I dropped off today.”

Me: “Sir, we have a lot of customers on a daily basis. I can’t go on that alone…”

Caller: “I dropped it off this morning!”

Me: “Sir, lots of people dropped their cars off this morning. You need to tell me more. The license plate number, or what you dropped it off for, for example?”

Caller: “It’s the car that I dropped off this morning!”


This story is part of the Auto-Shop roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

12 Stories About Customers Who Should Not Be Allowed To Drive!

 

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Murphy’s Law And Customers: Do Not Mix

, , , | Right | July 25, 2008

Customer: “Hey, I’m booked to get the train tomorrow at 0800 to Manchester. Can you tell me if the train will be on time?”

Me: “Good morning. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to predict if it will be on time, but this one is fairly reliable.”

Customer: “How come you can’t just tell me if it’s going to be on time?

Me: “Well, there’s any number of things that could go wrong on the day that I couldn’t predict. For example flooding, the train breaking down, maybe even a sick dri–”

Customer: “Oh, my god! All those things are going to be wrong with the train?”

Me: “No, I’m sure not all that will happen at once. Those are just examples.”

Customer: “So it’s on time, then?”

Me: *Giving up* “Yes, it’ll be on time.”

Customer: “Great, why didn’t you just say that?”

(Sure enough the next day the whole mainline was brought to a standstill by a lorry hitting a rail bridge.)

Customer: “YOU SAID IT WOULD BE ON TIME! NOW I’M GOING TO BE F****** LATE!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I doubt I would have been able to predict that! There will be a bus coming to take you to a different station where you can–”

Customer: *rants abusively*

Manager: “Look, would you just piss off? We are not omniscient! Next time you need to book a train, book it somewhere else!”

Customer: *storms out*

The Knights Of Ni Say Boo

, | Right | July 24, 2008

(Before a performance of Spamalot, I was watching a young attendant walking up and down the aisle selling spam sandwiches the way other plays would sell ice cream.)

Sandwich Seller: “Spam sandwiches! Anyone care for a spam sandwich? Would anyone like to buy a spam sandwich?”

Audience Member: “What flavour are they?”

Sandwich Seller: “… spam.”


This story is part of the Theater roundup!

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