(I sign up for a tour group that, in this story, is in Wales to tour Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, a town famous for its long name. This tour group takes you around Europe for the summer. In order to join, you have to have something on you that says where you’re from. To do that, I carry around a backpack with an American flag on it. Most in the group are amazing and I still keep in touch with them, but there are two in the group who are downright rude to me. One is a boy who wears a British flag jacket, and the other is a girl who wears a French flag necklace. We stop at one of the restaurants to take a break from walking, and we get on the conversation about healthcare.)

Me: “Well, my country has pretty okay hospitals and all that, just a bad plan. I wish we could put more money into the budget, but most of the money has to go to the military.”

British Guy: “Wait, why? So you could take more for your empire?”

Me: “What? No, we do it to protect other countries.”

French Woman: “Yeah, sure, you guys say that, and then you always get involved in other’s affairs. Why don’t you just keep your nose out of other people’s business?”

(It’s at this point that somebody else in the group, a Jewish man wearing an Israeli flag pin on his shirt, speaks up.)

Israeli Man: “Probably because the last few times they tried to ignore Europe, two world wars happened.”

(That shut the two of them up, though of course they didn’t stay that way. But whenever they tried to insult me, the Israeli and a few others would speak up, until the two finally left me alone. Don’t worry; other than them, the people in those countries were very nice and polite. I had a blast in Europe!)

(We monitor CCTV for high-rise blocks in a large city and we also allow access to the buildings to residents and authorised people, e.g., doctors, police, etc. It’s a quiet morning and we see a postal worker walking towards the door. We’re all ready to open the door to them. However, it’s still quite early in the morning and the sun is quite low, meaning the camera isn’t giving us a great image. As the postal worker gets closer to the camera, this conversation happens.)

Me: “Postman approaching [block].”

Coworker #1: “Get ready.”

Coworker #2: “Postwoman, even.”

Me: “Maybe. Actually, I’m not sure. The sun’s too low.”

Coworker #2: “What about Post Operative then?”

Me: “That’s an entirely different conversation.”

(I work for a bank that also has credit cards. My job is to call the customers when they are overdue on payments. I always have to ask for their postcode and the month they were born as a quick security question before I can go into why I’m calling.)

Me: “Hi, can I speak to Mr. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Speaking.”

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name], calling from [Company]. I just need to quickly clear security by asking for your postcode and the month you were born.”

Customer: “[Postcode], and number ten.”

Me: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that for me?”

Customer: “If you were listening to me you would have heard me say [postcode] and number ten.”

Me: “That’s great. Thank you for that. Unfortunately, I wasn’t asking for you house number; I was asking for the month you were born.”

Customer: *long pause* “June.”

(I really wanted to say to him, “If you were listening to me, then you would have known I didn’t ask for that,” but at the moment I value my job. Safe to say he listened to the rest of the call.)

(I need a new graphics card but have a very limited budget. Rather than go to the big chain store, I decide to try a family run shop nearby. I get no answer on the phone, so I email them my requirements:)

Me: “Hi, I’m looking for a new graphics card. I have a [card] running with [processor, motherboard, ram, etc.] and a budget of [price]. Can you please drop me an email to see what is the best option, or if there is anything just out of my budget that would be far better?”

(A week goes by, and no response. I call and email again; another week passes, and no response. I reluctantly end up going to the chain store and getting something suitable, but eventually, I get a call from the family store.)

Employee: “Hi, this is [Employee] from [Store]. I understand that you were interested in a graphics card?”

Me: “Oh, yes. Sorry, that was weeks ago; I already have a new one.”

Employee: “Really? I have a great card that has been repaired.”

Me: “That is a shame, but like I said, I already have a new card.”

Employee: “Can’t you return it?”

Me: “No. Like I said, it has been weeks. It has been installed and running.”

Employee: *suddenly agitated* “You just can’t help some people.”

Me: “Apparently YOU can’t, no.”

(I didn’t bother going back to them again. I wonder how they manage to keep in business.)

(I am at the checkout with my purchase.)

Cashier: “Do you want a carrier bag?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

(She spends a couple of minutes trying to fit the item into a carrier bag that is too small for it, before giving up and setting the item on the counter again. She pauses for a few seconds.)

Cashier: “Do you want a carrier bag?”

(I said no, as I wasn’t sure if we were about to repeat the entire sequence of events again!)