Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Bang Head Here

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2008

Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help?”

Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. Can you tell me?”

Me: “Well… can you explain what’s wrong?”

Customer: “Your job is to tell me what’s wrong.”

Me: “Yes, but unless you help me I can’t tell you what is wrong.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you guess what’s wrong?”

(I have decided at this point whatever is wrong will be something stupid.)

Me: “Okay, maybe you can’t turn your computer on because it hasn’t got any power.”

Customer: *angrily* “DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?”

(Suddenly, the customer calms down.)

Customer: “Sorry, you were wrong. It’s plugged in and the light is green. Can you guess what’s wrong? It’s still black on the screen.”

Me: “Well, is your screen on?”

Customer: “Yes, I just said it was. It’s just black!”

Me: “Right-click.”

Customer: “Hey, it worked… oh, it was a screensaver. Couldn’t you have guessed it was that at the start?”

Me: *thud thud thud*

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: “Guess.”

Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

, , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Woman: “I am speaking on behalf of my boss. He wants a tax statement… What do I need to do?”

Me: “You need to put your boss on the phone so I can talk to him about this.”

Woman: “No. ”

Me: “Sorry?”

Woman: “He has given me verbal consent to speak on his behalf.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, I won’t be able to do that. I will need to speak to your boss directly.”

Woman: “Why?”

Me: “Because I need to do a security check with him to protect his privacy.”

Woman: “What privacy?”

Me: “His personal information.”

Woman: “He refuses to deal with you himself.”

Me: “Unfortunately he will HAVE to deal with us himself for us to organise this statement for him. Verbal consent is not valid as we hold very private information about our clients.”

Woman: *deepens voice, obviously attempting to sound like a man* “Okay then, my name is [Boss], I was born on [birthdate], and this is my card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I know that you are not your boss. We do need to speak to Mr. [Boss] himself. Is there anything else I can help with?”

Woman: “F*** YOU!”

The Customer Is Not Always Happy

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2008

Customer: “Since you don’t have the laptop in stock that I want, here’s what I want instead: a bag, a decent one, and a USB stick, at least a 4 gig but I’d prefer the 8. All for free.”

Me: “Uh, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “I thought it was about making the customer happy! I am not happy. You have to make me happy!”

Me: “So, let me get this right. Since you’re not buying anything today, you want free stuff?

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t very good customer service at all. You guys say you run a business, but this is just s***.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but like you said, it’s a business. You don’t stay in business by giving things away!”

Customer: *stalks off*

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2008

(A customer had some serious problems with his computer, and since we are an Internet company, we refer to the computer manufacturer number.)

Me: “Okay, sir, can you tell me the brand of your computer?”

Caller: “Compaq…” (or so I thought I heard…)

Me: “Okay, sir, give me a sec–”

Caller: *apparently still reading* “…compact disc.”

Me: “…”

Oh Customer, Wherefore Art Thou

, , , | Right | May 27, 2008

(I was working as an usher on the door, directing people to their seats.)

Customer’s Daughter: “We’re lost, Mummy.”

Customer: “I know. How do we get out of here?”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, we’re lost.”

Me: “Lost?”

Customer: “Yes, we can’t find our seats.”

Me: “You’re in C12 & 13. That’s the back row, the two seats in the middle.”

Customer: “Oooooh, okay…”

(I watched as she looked for their seats. She stared right at them… then looked over the edge, up to the balcony, and even at the chandelier! They finally settled down in the nook seats at the side that have zero visibility. I worry about our audiences sometimes.)


This story is part of the Theater roundup!

Read the next Theater roundup story!

Read the Theater roundup!