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A Fair Degree Of Boredom

, , , , | Right | April 15, 2011

(I work for my university during the mornings of open days. I take tours and answer any questions visitors have. If you do everything available to you, it’s normally a full day. A mother who has been sitting down with her son for a while approaches me. It’s around 12:30.)

Me: “Hi, is there something that I can help you with?”

Mother: “Yeah, my son has this letter that says he has a meeting this afternoon. Will we be missing anything if we don’t go?”

Me: “Oh, well there is the general introductory talk at 1:00. It is just some information about student life and life in Swansea. But it’s not necessary to attend. I can give you a print out of the talk if you like.”

Mother: “Oh, that would be nice. But this thing this afternoon–is that important?”

Me: “You mean your departmental visit? Well, that’s what most people come to see. You meet lecturers and find out a lot more about the course in the afternoon. Is there some reason that you need to leave now?”

Mother: “No, we’re just really bored.”

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 7

, , , , , | Right | April 12, 2011

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [Insurance Company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I need a quote for home insurance.”

Me: “No problem. The quote can take up to fifteen minutes. Do you have the time?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s 11:15. Why?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “It’s 11:15. Don’t you have a clock?”

Business Must Be Slow

, , , | Right | April 9, 2011

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [phone company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve just tried to top up my phone and it won’t work. Can you put it back on?”

Me: “Sorry, that number is now cancelled. It cannot be reactivated as it has been recycled.”

Customer: *horrified* “How dare you! That number belongs to me! It is absolutely vital I get that number back. It is my business number! You people are costing me money and putting my livelihood at risk! I’ll sue! This is a disgrace!”

Me: “Madam, that number has been disconnected from your account for seven years. It has been used by two other customers since you last had it.”

Customer: *click*

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11

, , , , | Right | April 7, 2011

Me: “That will be [total].”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer puts in their debit card.)

Me: “Would you like cash-back?”

Customer: “Yes. I would like £10, please.”

Me: “Okay. Enter your PIN, please.”

(The customer enters his PIN. We wait for it to be verified.)

Customer: “I have a question. What is cash-back?”

Zombies Need Tech Support Too

, , , | Right | April 4, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [Technology Firm]. How can I help?”

Caller: “I’ve been charged £60 by you, and I’m not sure why.”

Me: “Okay, what does the bank charge say?”

Caller: “It’s [Technology Firm] service.”

Me: “Okay, that’s the name of an annual subscription we offer.”

Caller: “Oh. I think my husband has that, but I’m not sure.”

Me: “Well, can you check with him? We don’t want to cancel if he uses it.”

Caller: “Well, I’d like to ask him. But he died on Tuesday, so I can’t get in contact with him.”

Me: “I think we can probably cancel that for you.”