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Octomom, The Early Years

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2009

(A middle-aged woman who doesn’t look too well comes up to my checkout.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “I think I’m in labour.”

Me: “Oh! Shouldn’t you be in the hospital?” *starts scanning her items*

Customer: “Nah, this is my third one. I won’t go to the hospital until I know it’s coming out.”

Me: “Oh. Um… all right.”

(I finish ringing her up and hand her her bags.)

Customer: “Yeah, it doesn’t hurt or anything. After the first one, you don’t really notice!” *takes her things and leaves*

Day Trippy

, , , | Right | May 12, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How many books of these stamps?”

(As I ask the customer this, “Yellow Submarine” by the Beatles begins playing on a nearby radio.)

Lady: “Oh, my gosh! I love this song!”

Me: “That’s great. Now, how many books of–”

Lady: *begins to dance towards the door*

Me: “Uh, okay, ma’am, don’t forget your–”

Lady: *dances out of post office, leaving her purse on the table and the rest of the customers confused*

Putting the Dumb In Wisdom

, , , | Right | May 7, 2009

(I’m at my university’s computer help desk and have just fixed a problem on a student’s laptop.)

Me: *To student.* “…okay, that should get you online.”

Student: “Great, thanks!”

(A random student passes by, seeing the laptop.)

Random Passerby: “Wow! That laptop is huge!”

Me: “Erm…”

Random Passerby: “I bet you could use it as a weapon to smash someone’s head in!”

Me: “Uhh…”

Student: “Erm…”

Random Passerby: *walks off*

Me: *To student.* “Well, I bet you didn’t know THAT about your laptop.”

For The Love Of God, Gestate

, , , | Right | April 30, 2009

Customer: “Hi, can I speak with [Another Employee] in the keyboards department?”

Me: “I’m afraid [Another Employee] is on maternity leave. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well, when is she coming back?”

Me: “Realistically, in about a year.”

Customer: “Well, can she hurry it up?!”

Me: “She’s… having a baby.”

Customer: “I know that! Just tell her to hurry it up!” *hangs up*

Some Questions Should Never Be Asked, Part 3

, , , | Right | April 23, 2009

(I work for forensics and often a lot of phone calls about DNA results and what they mean.)

Me: “Good morning, DNA Management Section, [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Hi, I got this DNA notification thing. I don’t know what it means.”

Me: “Those are the results for the buccal swab you had done. It’s just for your records to show that you had a buccal swab taken and your DNA was analysed from it.”

Customer: “What do all these letters and numbers mean?”

Me: “That is the sequence for your DNA. The scientists at forensics will use those numbers to match your DNA profile to other samples on the DNA database.”

Customer: “But what do they mean?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I am not qualified to explain this to you. I can however forward your call to Forensics SA, and they will be able to answer your query. All I can say is that the first part is your sex. XX means female and XY means male.”

Customer: “It says XY… so that means I’m male, right?”