(We are interviewing potential applicants for a series of new jobs. We have met several at the entrance to the building and are escorting them to our respective floors.)

Applicant: “Ugh! Why is this lift so slow! Doesn’t it know we’re all busy?!”

Boss: “Yes, you’ve looked very busy while staring at [social media] for the past 15 minutes.”

Applicant: “What else is there to do?!”

Boss: “Actually listen? We told you at reception that data analysis was on the third floor. Had you bothered to lift your head from your phone at all, you might have realised that we’re now coming up to the seventh. So, unless you want to be interviewed for a managerial role, I think you have missed your chance.”

(She blushed and sprinted down the four floors instead of using the lift again. At the end of the day, I heard she tried to blame us for her tardiness. Her potential boss, however, also noticed that she was on her phone the whole time, too, and promptly closed the door in her face.)

This story is part of the second Job Interview roundup!

Read the next Job Interview roundup story!

Read the second Job Interview roundup!

Me: *looking in the fridge* “There’s… tampons in the fridge.”

Coworker: *who is female* “Tampons?”

Me: “It looks like them.” *pointing to the egg tray*

Coworker: *coming over* “Yup, that’s them. I wonder who put them in there?”

Me: “Is that something women do?”

Coworker: “I don’t personally, but to each their own, I suppose. But seriously, the egg tray? Really? That isn’t very considerate!”

Me: “Should we tell someone?”

(We wound up telling the manager, who was furious and decided to remove and bin them herself. About an hour later, another coworker came running down to the staff room. We then heard, “WHERE THE F*** ARE MY TAMPONS?!” She wasn’t happy when she found out, but it did teach her to ask before doing it. She now puts them in a container first.)

(The manager has just called down to the front asking for security to escort a known and already barred thief from the building. As I take the call, I decide to tell the guard. I am a feminist and everyone I work with knows this.)

Me: “[Guard], [Manager]’s seen this guy in the store.” *points to the wall of banned individuals* “He wants him searched and removed.”

Guard: *sizing me up* “You do it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guard: “You heard me. If you think a woman can do everything a man can—” *points at me* “—you do it.”

Me: “Well, first: that’s not what I think, and second: that isn’t my job; it’s yours. You’re employed as a security guard!”

Guard: *stands up and stretches* “Look who’s cowering now. Need a big strong man, do you? You feminists are all the same! You talk about equality, but when it comes down to it, you just want to blame us for your shortfalls.”

Me: “That’s it!” *walking away*

(There was another guard on the other side of the store who worked mostly on electronics. I got HER to help me, instead, and reported the first guard to management. Just because I’m a feminist, it doesn’t mean I think men and women are the same. It means I believe we should be TREATED the same. Same opportunities, same legal protections, same f****** taxation when it comes to personal hygiene!)

(My company has arranged for mandatory “Security Awareness” training. We’re ten minutes in when a man rushes into the room, out of breath, and drops this little line:)

Attendee: “Sorry I’m late; I left my security pass at the hotel and couldn’t decide if I should go back for it!”

(Needless to say, the instructor was not amused.)

Customer: “Hi, where’s [Owner]? I haven’t seen him here for the past few days.”

Me: “He’s actually gone to Mount Everest. He wants to climb to the base camp for his 50th.”

Customer: “Oh, how exciting!”

(A couple of days later.)

Customer: “Hi, is [Owner] still climbing the North Pole?”

Me: “Uh… He’s at Mount Everest.”

Customer: *blank stare* “Yes.”

(She kept asking me whether he was “still at the North Pole” until he eventually came back.)