Don’t Get The Grilled Cheese

, , , , , , , | Working | April 16, 2018

(I work for a fast food corporation as an assistant store manager. Our store is going to have its 18-month inspection conducted by senior company management. In addition, the owner and senior management of our own franchise group will be present. Consequences for failing the inspection range from the store being put on probation to outright dismissal of any member of staff deemed to be directly responsible for the failure in severe cases. As a result of this, our store schedules for a considerably beefed-up evening shift that works until midnight to complete major cleaning tasks, and then a three-strong overnighter team to focus on specific areas and generally raise the standards as high as they can go. The opening staff also arrive at six rather than seven to allow for any last minute do-overs of anything deemed to still not be up to standards. The opening shift is lead by our most senior shift manager, and I arrive at seven, mainly to ensure all the needed paperwork is ready for the senior management when they arrive at eight. I arrive to find the opening staff in a frenzy, and my normally very relaxed shift manager red in the face with fury.)

Me: “What the hell’s going on? Almost all of what you’re doing should have been done by the overnighters.”

Shift Manager: “Yeah, I know. [Overnight Manager] basically had them do nothing all night, so far as I can tell; even drink cups and lids haven’t been stocked. And then he, [Female Crew Member #1], and [Female Crew Member #2] just walked right out as soon as we clocked in.”

Me: “Terrific. They’ll have to be dealt with later. Keep at it; I’ll ring everyone who’s due in at eight to see if they can get in earlier, and then I’ll come help. The paperwork can wait.”

(I ring all staff and get three of them to come in ASAP, and then help the shift manager get everything as sorted as we can in the 50 minutes we have left. At 7:30, the business manager arrives and also questions why it’s still such a mess, but also thankfully informs us that all parties of senior management are stuck in traffic and will be at least 45 to 60 minutes late. We eventually get everything just about ready at 8:15, just after we open to customers, and I retreat to the office to sort the paperwork. The business manager comes with me, leaving the floor to the shift manager.)

Business Manager: “So, any idea what went wrong this morning?”

Me: “[Shift Manager] said he arrived this morning and it looked like the overnight shift did pretty much nothing and walked out as soon as he started. I really don’t get it; he’s normally a solid worker, and it’s not like we gave him a pair of idiots to work with.”

Business Manager: “Yeah, [Female Crew Member #1] and [Female Crew Member #2] are both in line for crew trainer promotions; I really don’t get it. I’m going to check the store cameras and see if I can figure out what happened.”

(A few minutes pass whilst the business manager logs into the CCTV system and starts fast-forwarding the recording. He gets to midnight, when the evening shift leaves without anything unusual happening, and at this point all three people from the overnight shift are visibly working. However, barely five minutes after the evening shift leaves…)

Business Manager: “I think I’ve found the source of the problem.”

(I turn to look at the screen to see the overnight manager go into the crew room to return with two six-packs of beer and a large bottle of vodka. He immediately cracks open a can and passes the vodka to the girls. The next hour of footage is the overnight manager going through seven of the cans whilst the girls go through roughly half the vodka, using the drinks machine for mixers. After around 90 minutes of them drinking, things are clearly starting to get a little ropy. The cameras don’t record audio, so we have no idea what’s being said, but one of the girls proceeds to peel off her work top, pants, and bra and does several laps of the kitchen in nothing but her shoes and panties, using a burger box to cover her chest. We already have more than enough evidence to sack all three of them, but we are worried as to how much further things went, since obviously we’re working with food and contamination is a serious danger. At this point, we have one of the women still only dressed in her panties, and the manager and other girl looking on; however, from here on, it only gets worse. The already mostly undressed girl encourages the other two to undress, and shortly after, both girls and the manager are stood all dressed only in their underwear. The business manager and I exchange very worried glances, because we know where this is going. We are simply dumbstruck at what we’re watching, but after a minute we get it together, and I march out to the shift manager on the floor and pull him aside.)

Me: “Okay, we found out what happened. I’ll need you for a statement later. Right now, I need you to fully clean grill two, and I mean a really good clean. I’m going to clean down [kitchen counter area] with disinfectant, and a lot of it.”

Shift Manager: “Sure. Do I even want to know why we’re doing this?”

Me: *after looking around to be sure none of the crew will hear me, whispering* “[Overnight Manager] banged [Female Crew Member #2] whilst she was bent over the grill.”

Shift Manager: *with a very shocked expression* “Sure. I’ll get right on it.”

(We decontaminate the affected areas, and after a discussion with the business manager, we opt to not turn the affected grill back on and just cite an electrical fault during the inspection. Then, we finally welcome the senior management when they arrive. The inspection goes just about all right, and we pass with a mark just slightly above the minimum requirement. The business manager at some point informs our group management that there was an “incident” with the overnight shift, but says it’s better discussed after the inspection. Once the corporate management leave, the business manager and I return to the office with our franchise group management to discuss the results. The owner is somewhat displeased with our results, given we got a significantly better passing mark for the previous one. In response, the business manager simply asks that they watch the CCTV footage for themselves. The senior management watch in disgust as we proceed through the drinking, to the stripping, and then on to the adult activities.)

Business Manager: “How should we proceed?”

Owner: “Obviously, fire all three of them right this instant. I cant believe anyone would be so depraved as to have sex on the grill; it’s utterly disgusting. I’ll reach out to my food safety contact and lawyer to see if, and how, we can press further punishment on them. Also, I’ll see if insurance will allow for a replacement grill; that one’s been soiled permanently, in my eyes. If we have to buy a new grill outright, then so be it.”

(Ultimately, all three members of staff were fired, and they then faced further legal action in the form of a lawsuit from the owner. It concluded in them having to pay between them for the cost of the new grill, which came to around £15,000. In addition, all three were blacklisted and have lifetime bans from working in the food industry in any capacity. None of them could ever provide a satisfactory explanation as to why they actually did what they did. The closest we ever got was that they planned to just have a couple of drinks to motivate them and it got out of hand. Given the amount of alcohol on hand, we obviously didn’t accept that claim.)

Please Lose Our Number

, , , , | Right | April 16, 2018

(I work in a call centre, providing technical support for mobile phones. People can become a bit stupid or crazy when it comes to their phones. This is a conversation I’ve had quite often.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] for [Brand]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I heard the Android version 6 is out. How can I install it?”

Me: “Well, the version 5.1 is just out, so I would imagine it’ll take a while.”

Customer: “You’re lying; I saw it on the Internet! It says it is out! Why don’t you give it to me?”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you it’s not out yet. [Brand] will issue a statement on our website when it is available. You can register for updates, as well.”

Customer: “Humph. Whatever.”

(Fast forward a few months…)

Customer: “I know Android 6 is out now! I want it now!”

Me: “Yes, the deployment has started, so it’ll become available to all devices that can receive the update within a few weeks. Depending on the model of your phone, it’ll take some time. Or you can check in settings to see if you can do it already.”

Customer: *checks phone* “It’s not there yet. Why is it not there yet?”

Me: “Then you have to wait until it is made available to your device. It’ll come soon.”

Customer: “Pfff!”

(He called back almost every day for the next two weeks until he actually received the update. Then…)

Customer: “I just installed Android 6. I don’t like it; I want to go back to the previous version.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not possible. It goes only one way; you can’t downgrade.”

Customer: “That’s not true! Some people on the Internet said they did it!”

Me: “It is not possible, unless you root your phone, in which case you cancel your warranty. Also, unless you’re a programmer, you are most likely to make it worse.”

Customer: “I don’t care; do it now!”

Me: “I can’t. You have to go to the website, and request it. But remember, by doing this you are cancelling your warranty!”

Customer: “I don’t care; I can do it. Besides, I’m famous on social media; I can get you in trouble.”

Me: “No, you won’t. I explained the conditions to you, so if you damage your phone, it’ll be your own responsibility.”

Customer: “We’ll see about that!” *click*

(Still waiting for his call to complain about his phone not working at all.)

No Need To Be Mooby About It

, , , , | Romantic | April 16, 2018

(I’m in a bar during my first week of university and have sat down by the dance floor to rest for a minute. A student I vaguely recognise from my halls comes and sits next to me. I am female.)

Guy: “Hey, how about I buy you a drink, and then we can get out of here?”

Me: “Ah, I’m really sorry. I’m a lesbian.”

(This is true.)

Guy: *thinks for a minute* “I have moobs?”

(I immediately twigged that he wasn’t serious, and he’s been one of my best friends for the last seven years. I was even his best woman when he got married.)

“The Babysitters Club” Is A Movie, Not The Venue

, , , | Right | April 16, 2018

(I work at a big cinema with two floors and twelve screens. “Black Panther” is still doing really well, so it’s still quite busy. It’s my day off but I’ve come in to watch a film. When I get to the upper floor, I see a little boy, probably seven years old, stood in the upper foyer in tears. Everybody seems to be walking past him, and kids sometimes wander out to the toilet and forget what screen they’re in, so I decide to help.)

Me: “Hey there. Are you lost?”

Kid: *in tears* “I don’t know where my daddy is.”

Me: “Well, where did you last see him?”

Kid: “I don’t know. I don’t know where he is.”

(We check the toilets but can’t find him there. Worried I have an abandoned kid on my hands, I decide to try and calm him down.)

Me: *noticing he’s wearing Black Panther sleeves with claws* “Hey, those look really cool. Are you here to see Black Panther?”

Kid: *nods* “Uh-huh.”

Me: “You like superheroes, then?”

Kid: *nods more*

Me: “Who’s your favourite?”

Kid: “Spider-Man.”

Me: “Me, too! How about we go see if your dad is downstairs? Maybe he went to grab a drink.”

Kid: *significantly calmer* “Okay.”

(We head downstairs and the kid starts bouncing up and down on the escalator.)

Kid: “There he is! I can see him! I see him!”

(He doesn’t rush off when we get downstairs, waiting for me to walk with him, and when we approach, the kid rushes forward and wraps his arms around his dad’s legs.)

Dad: “[Kid]? What are you doing here?”

Me: “I found him in tears upstairs. He was really scared that he couldn’t find you.”

(Whereas most parents would be relieved that their child is okay and somebody was helping them out, [Dad] instead gets angry.)

Dad: *to kid* “For f***’s sake! I’ve been five minutes! You should’ve just waited!”

(I’ve been with the kid for ten minutes, so it’s not like the kid is being over-dramatic, especially given how young he seems and that he didn’t know where his dad was.)

Kid: “You were gone a really long time.”

Dad: “There was a staff member there. They were looking after you.”

Me: “There was no one up there when I walked past.”

Dad: *angrily* “Well, they should have been looking after him! What are they paid for, if not to help customers?!”

(We’ve frequently had to chase after parents in the past who just dump young children in our films and expect us to be responsible for them while they get some shopping done or go for a drink or do whatever. I once had to chase a woman half way down the street after dumping twelve 10- to 11-year-olds in a movie, expecting us to look after them. Since I’m not wearing my uniform and this man doesn’t know I work here, I decide to speak up.)

Me: “With all due respect, the staff are paid to serve you when you arrive and clean the screens when you leave. Nowhere in their job description does it include the word ‘babysitter.’ You can’t expect them to just drop what they’re doing to help you out, especially when it gets busy like this.”

(The kid’s dad looked like he had a few more choice words to say to me, but he just grumbled out a reluctant thank-you for looking after his kid and the two of them walked off.)

Unfiltered Story #108944

, | Unfiltered | April 15, 2018

This story takes place at 5.25 in the morning. My ticket window is open and my colleague is just about to start, he hasn’t got his microphone on yet so customers cannot hear him. A customer comes up to my window.

Customer: How much is it for a single to Chippenham?

Me: (After looking the fare up) £20

Customer: That’s a bit steep, where am I?

Me: Reading.

Customer: Where’s that?

Me: (Starting to think it’s going to be one of “those” mornings) Berkshire.

Customer: B***** Hell. I only popped out for a pint of milk.

Coworker: (Socco Voce) I think you’ve popped out for something a bit stronger.

After this it all goes downhill from there, after suggesting he grabs a cup of coffee while he thinks things over, he comes back at 7.30 to buy a ticket.  He then comes back at 11.30 saying that he has a ticket for collection and was eventually escorted off the station premises at 13.45 in the company of 2 very large and very annoyed transport police officers.

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