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Elementary, My Dear Mr. Darcy

, , , , | Right | January 11, 2010

Customer: “I want a refund! Sherlock Holmes was possibly the worst film adaptation of a Jane Austin book I’ve ever seen!”

Me:Sherlock Holmes was not written by Jane Austen. It was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

Customer: “I thought there was something odd about it. Well, I guess it really is nothing at all like her other books. Silly me!”

Back Tea The Basics

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2010

Me: “For a quick cup of tea, this is a simple infuser to use.”

Customer: “Infuser? What’s that mean?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just another word for something that you use to steep tea in hot water.”

Customer: “What’s that mean?”

Me: “Steep? It’s just another word for brewing.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “It means ‘make tea’.”

Customer: “Oooooh!”


This story is part of the Still-Not-Getting-It roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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Barely Scratched The Surface

, , , , , | Right | December 16, 2009

Customer: “Hello, young man, can you help me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Where do you keep your scratch?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Scratch! Where do you keep it? I need some to make pie!”

Me: “I’m not sure that I’m clear on what you need. Can you tell me what you are going to use it for?”

Customer: “My husband says that I need to make pie from scratch for Christmas, so I need to buy some scratch for the pie.”

Me: “Ma’am, that just means that you buy the ingredients and make the pie yourself.”

Customer: “I don’t have time to make pie myself! I need some scratch!”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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Sweaty Confetti

, , , | Right | December 7, 2009

Customer: “I bought one of your bath balls with the confetti in it. It never dissolved and it just left a mess.”

(He points to a bath ball with confetti.)

Me: “We’ve never had a problem with that ball before, but I’ll keep that in mind. I would be happy to give you one without confetti for free so you can enjoy our products.”

Customer: “Oh, no, that’s not necessary. I just wanted to tell you guys about it so you can warn other people.”

Me: “Thank you, I’ll definitely let everybody know about that.”

Customer: “Yeah, you should! I mean, now I have confetti all over my house. On my floor, my carpet, my bed, even my couch and living room!”

Me: “Wow, sounds like you had a lot of confetti!”

Customer: “I did! It even got lodged in places.”

Me: “Lodged in places?”

Customer: “Yeah, crevices; my crevices! I mean I have to dig it out of places. Anyway, I just came by to warn you guys.”

(He starts heading out, and as he reaches the door he turns around.)

Customer: “BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR CREVICES, GIRLS!”


This story is part of our customers give TMI roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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The Case Of The Choo-Choo Charlatans

, , , | Right | December 7, 2009

(I work as a photographer at a railroad station where people can dress up in old-time clothes and sit in a prop made to look like a train.)

Customer: “Excuse me, does the train still function?”

Me: “Yes, if you go right outside you can buy tickets for the trains.”

Customer: “No, no. I meant that one.” *points to our fake train prop*

Me: “That’s just our background for the photos.”

Customer: “Yes, but does it still function? Can I ride it?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a prop. It’s fake.”

Customer: “But is it functional?”

Me: “No, it’s fake. It’s connected to the wall.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just dumb. I don’t know why you have it in here, then!”