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Not Quite Seeing The Light

, , , | Right | January 14, 2011

Customer: “I can’t get on with these reading glasses. I can read fine with them here but not at home.”

Me: “Okay, have a look at the reading chart here.”

Customer: “Well, I can read that here but not at home when I read in the evening.”

Me: “It’s quite bright here. What kind of lighting are you using at home?”

Customer: “What difference would that make?”

Me: “Well, if you’re reading in poor light that can make it more difficult to see small print.”

Customer: “I just have a table lamp.”

Me: “You might want to try a reading light. Better light does make it easier to see.”

Customer: “I just want glasses that work! You don’t need light to see!”

This story is part of the World Sight Day roundup!

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Technology To Shout About

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2011

Me: “Hello, sir, I’ve just come to put a microphone on you.”

Client: “I hate those things. Do I need one? I can project.”

Me: “You have an audio conference call on this event, so you need to speak into a microphone. Otherwise, people calling in won’t hear anything.”

Client: “Can’t I just shout?”

Me: “From London to Mumbai?”

This story is included in our Even-More-Impossible requests roundup!

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Contains Crosswords, Sudoku and Tentacles

, , , | Right | January 12, 2011

(A respectable-looking man in his 50’s approaches.)

Customer: “Hi! Do you sell h*ntai puzzle magazines?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “H*ntai puzzles. My daughter likes them.”

Me: “Could you mean Hanjei puzzles?

(Note: Hanjei is a popular puzzle magazine.)

A Pregnant Pause For Thought

, , , , | Right | January 12, 2011

Customer: “Where are the pregnancy test kits?”

Me: “Over there, by the condoms.”

Customer: “If I knew where the condoms were, I wouldn’t need the pregnancy test!”

This story is part of the Pregnancy Roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 True Stories Of Misogynists Being Beautifully Reminded It’s The 21st Century


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Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

, , , , , | Right | January 7, 2011

(I’m a nurse in the UK. I’m letting a family of American tourists know that their son, who has recovered from a fever, has been discharged from hospital.)

Me: “Mr & Mrs [Name], I’ve got some good news! Your son is fine and has been discharged. You can continue your holiday now!”

Father: “How much do we owe you? Do you need our insurance details?”

Me: “Oh, nothing. Your son did not need any medication. There will be no bills at all.”

Father: “Free? But what about consultation fees?”

Me: “Yes, free. Consultation is covered by our national health service.”

Father: “Free, like communism?”

Me: “Well, I guess you could say it’s sort of socialist.”

Father: “So we owe you nothing?”

Me: “Nope, not a penny.”

Father: “If I go home and cancel my health insurance, then get sick, I’ll get my medical treatment for free if I fly to the UK?!”

Me: “Not unless you have travel insurance, or live in a country we have a medical agreement with. The US health care system is private so we can’t make an agreement.”

Father: “But you just said the UK was communist! If it’s communist, health care should be free!”

Me: “It is, if you’re British or from an EU state.”

Father: “Whatever. Communists!”

This story is part of our Ignorant-About-Communism roundup!

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