CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(I’ve suffered from cold sores for about six years, and normally I only get two or three a year. Over the last six months, I have had them repeatedly, one after the other, so I decide to go to my doctor. I make an appointment, but I have to wait three weeks for it — this is a pretty normal wait time for an appointment in my area.)

Me: “I read on the NHS website that if cold sores get this bad and persistent, there’s a medication that can help to treat it.”

Doctor #1: “Why do you think you need a prescription medicine? That’s pretty drastic.”

Me: “I’ve had non-stop cold sores for six months, and that isn’t normal. The creams from the pharmacy aren’t working.”

Doctor #1: “Yes, but lots of things cause cold sores. Sunlight, poor diet, being on your period.”

Me: “Well, I haven’t been on my period for six straight months! My diet hasn’t changed, and it’s winter, so I haven’t been in the sun.”

Doctor #1: “It could be a response to an infection. I’ll send you for a blood test, but I don’t want to give you tablets for something so minor.”

(It takes a week to get the paperwork for the blood test — it has to be done at the hospital — a week for me to be able to get my blood tested, and another week before the results come back. I then have to wait another two weeks to see my doctor to discuss the results.)

Doctor #1: “Your tests showed elevated white blood cells, which is a sign of infection. But I think it’s a false positive, so I’ll send you for another blood test.”

Me: “What makes you think it’s false? You said it could be an infection.”

Doctor #1: “Well, I think you did have an infection, but it’s gone now. I’ll send you for another one and compare the results.”

(Cue ANOTHER TWO weeks of waiting for the blood test and test results.)

Receptionist: “The doctor says your blood test came back normal and he doesn’t need to see you. He says there’s nothing he can do.”

Me: “What?! That’s not right! He hasn’t done anything!”

Receptionist: *quietly speaking to me* “I recommend you see another doctor. They can look at your results and you can get a second opinion.”

(I have to wait ANOTHER THREE weeks to see a second doctor, so by this time it’s been more than eight months of cold sores.)

Doctor #2: “”You’ve had cold sores for EIGHT MONTHS?!”

Me: “It’s been Hell; I’ve had either a sore, a scab, or a scar on my face this whole time. The creams aren’t working, I’ve tried every home remedy on Google, and I don’t know what else to do.”

Doctor #2: “It could be a sign of something serious, but it could be nothing. Let’s have a look at your test results… Are you taking iron?”

Me: “No, why?”

Doctor #2: “Didn’t the other doctor say anything about your iron levels?!”

Me: “He said my blood was normal.”

Doctor #2: “It’s most certainly not normal! You have extremely low iron levels, in both sets of results. There’s a proven link between low iron and mouth sores. You just need to take an iron supplement. And I’ll give you a prescription for the cold sores, so they’ll clear up in a week or less. Your white blood cell count is still up, so I think you may need antibiotics, too.”

(Since I’ve been taking iron, I hardly have cold sores at all. And my infection cleared up, but the doctor said if it hadn’t, it could have developed into sepsis, which can be fatal. Now, whenever I make a doctor’s appointment I specifically say, “Any doctor other than [Doctor #1],” and from what the receptionist has since told me, lots of patients do the same.)

I work for a government-owned, construction-based company, which takes a tax from construction companies paying a certain amount to employees. My job is to find the companies who are trying to dodge this tax by rejecting mail, changing location, etc. I do this initially by Googling the company name to see if they’re still running.

I also play a popular worldwide MMO, known for its players’ saltiness.

Whilst at this job, I have to look for a construction company called “[Character from MMO] Builds.” I laugh, as I play that character in the MMO. I then put the name into Google.

Of course, what comes back is a list of builds for that character and nothing for the construction company.

Not my smartest moment.

(My cousin is coming over from Ireland for a few days. He messages me before he takes off. About five hours later he calls me. I have worried for a while at this point, because it shouldn’t have taken him so long.)

Cousin: “Hey, I’m at… St. Pancras.”

Me: “St. Pancras? As in London?”

Cousin: “Yeah. Where do I go?”

Me: “Mate, I’m in Edinburgh.”

Cousin: “Cool, when will you get here?”

Me: “It’s, like, eight hours away.”

Cousin: “Aww, am I going to have to wait here for eight hours?”

(I ended up buying him a flight from London to Edinburgh, and literally had to talk him through everything right up to getting on the plane. It turns out he flew to Gatwick Airport and took the train to St. Pancras. He had no idea where Edinburgh was, but since it was a capital city, he assumed it would be in London. I’ve decided to visit him, instead, from now on.)

(I’m not much of a tech expert, but I seem to have taken on the role of “IT person” for my small office, as I know marginally more about computers than my coworkers. I’ve been out of the office for a few days, and when I come back, there is a brand-new printer, still in its box, sitting on one of the desks.)

Manager: “[My Name], I’ll need you to set up that new printer today. The old one stopped working while you were gone, so I asked [Boss] to order a new one.”

Me: “Sure, but that’s strange. I didn’t notice anything off about the printer when I was last in.”

Manager: “Yeah, it just started flashing up this error message and refused to print anything.”

(I decide to take a quick look at the old printer, since it’s quite a big and fancy one with a built-in photocopier and fax machine, whereas I can see from the box that the new printer is much smaller and probably not as good. I see that the old printer is, indeed, flashing up an error message I haven’t seen before. There’s no paper jam or any other obvious issue, so I begin by restarting the printer to see if that clears the problem. Surprise, surprise, the error message disappears. I print a test page; it comes out fine.)

Me: “Good news, [Manager]! I’ve fixed the old printer!”

Manager: *looking distinctly displeased* “Nope, it’s bad news. I’m now going to have to tell [Boss] that we’re three days behind with the paperwork for no good reason.”

(Always turn it off and again, people!)

(A guy brings a bike in that needs a wheel and service. I take his name and phone number and write on the job card. I do the repair, but the customer never shows up to collect. I ring the number on the job card and an old lady answers. She says it is her son’s bike and she will tell him. That afternoon the guy shows up. I assume he is here to pay and collect, but instead he demands to know how I got that number.)

Me: “You gave it to me.”

Customer: “No! I never give out that number!”

Me: “Well, this is the number you gave me when you bought the bike in.”

Customer: “NO, I never give out that number, and I demand to know how you got it.”

Me: “You gave me it.”

Customer: “NO, I never give out that number, so tell me how you got it!”

Me: “Maybe I guessed your phone number!”

Customer: “No, how did you get that number?”

Me: “Are you going to pay the bill and take the bike?”

Customer: “No! Not until you tell me how you got that number.”

(I bring the customer service slip out.)

Me: “Just f*** off. You are wasting your time and mine.”

Customer: “You haven’t heard the last of this!”

(I had. We sold his bike to cover the cost of the bill and never saw him again.)