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Gotta Give Those Brits Credit

, , , | Working | September 3, 2017

(I am visiting the UK, but am from the USA. Every single place I visit asks to see my ID, since I don’t have a signature on the back of my credit card.)

Employee: “May I please see your ID?”

Me: “It’s amazing! Everywhere I’ve been in the UK, they’ve checked my ID!”

Employee: “Well, it’s law. We have to check to see if your signature matches.”

Me: “It’s law in America, too, but that doesn’t stop every single place I’ve worked from allowing people to check out after saying they were using their boyfriend’s/mom’s/whatever’s card!”

Employee: “That’s credit card fraud!”

Me: “To an American business, that’s a sale!”

Are Jew Crazy?!

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2017

(A waiter has called me out, as there is a couple refusing to pay.)

Me: “What appears to be the problem?”

Customer: “Our waiter isn’t Jewish, and I have it on good authority that I am not permitted to accept service from non-Jewish persons.”

Me: “Did you ask if she was Jewish?”

Customer: “I did.”

(I look at the waiter and she taps her watch.)

Me: “When?”

Customer: “Does it matter?”

Me: “It doesn’t, but I’m trying to decide whether you willfully ordered knowing my waiter wasn’t Jewish, or it was an afterthought, in which case you should have noted with us that you preferred a Jewish waiter. Either way, you’re paying, or I will be getting the police involved.”

(She opens her mouth, but her husband interrupts and offers to pay with his card. I take him over to our card reader.)

Customer’s Husband: “Sorry about that. She’s full of herself.”

Me: “That’s quite all right. I didn’t even know that was a Jewish custom.”

Husband: “She doesn’t either.”

Me: “She doesn’t?”

Husband: “Like I said, she’s full of herself. She isn’t Jewish and hasn’t claimed to be before today…”

Me: *speechless*

Too Entitled To Slip

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2017

(This takes place not long after my shift, in the car park. It has been snowing quite a bit, but the trolley bays are under cover and the walkways and “roads” salted. I am walking to where my mum normally picks me up if the weather’s been bad, when I witness a customer drag his trolley to an empty parking space and leave it there.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but that’s a car parking space. Could you please take your trolley to one of the trolley bays?”

Customer: “But I might slip.”

Me: “The trolley bays are under cover, and that’s a parking space; you’re preventing other customers from parking, and making our porters’ jobs more difficult.”

Customer: “But I might slip.”

(The customer then walked off to his car and drove away. Since it was freezing and my mum hadn’t arrived yet, I took pity on the porters and pulled his trolley and a few others over to the trolley bays. I didn’t slip once.)

You’ve Broken Your Career Ceiling

, , , , | Working | September 2, 2017

(Our store warehouse has two floors. However, due to the size of the first floor, only people of a certain height are permitted to go up. All of this occurs on the radios we use talk to each other.)

Coworker: “Boss?”

Boss: “Yes?”

Coworker: “Umm, [Coworker] is stuck.”

Boss: “Stuck? How is he stuck?”

Coworker: “His head is in the ceiling.”

Boss: “WHAT?!”

Coworker: “[Supervisor] bet him that he couldn’t walk upstairs in the warehouse.”

Boss: “Of course he did… is he hurt?”

Coworker: “He’s laughing…”

Boss: “[My Name] and I will be right over.”

(Both [Coworker] and [Supervisor] were suspended without pay, and the entire first floor was stripped and moved to the ground floor. The first floor is now closed off, but people sneak in to take secret naps. Apparently, [Coworker] did get his money for winning the bet.)

Only A Token Kindness

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2017

(Our supermarket gives a blue token to all customers, so they can choose a local charity to benefit from the bag charges. On this day, a woman has just spent £250 when the following takes place.)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us today. Here is your receipt, and a token to put in on your way out.”

Customer: “I only get one?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; what do you mean?”

Customer: “I have spent £250 today at this shop, and I only get one token! This is appalling. I deserve more!”

Me: “Well, the token policy is one per customer, per transaction, so you can’t have more than one, despite spending a large amount here.”

Customer: *sighs loudly, leans over the checkout, and grabs a handful of tokens from my tub and marches off*

Me: “Did that just happen?”