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Aspirin(g) To Be A Better Doctor

, , , , , | Right | September 2, 2009

(My husband works for the out-of-hours service, and drives and assists the doctors with their house calls. I’m a veterinary nurse and as we work in the same area we often see the same people. At two am, the phone rings.)

Me: “Uh, hello?”

Husband: “Hi, my love. It’s just me. The doctor has a question for you about some meds. Do you mind talking to him?”

Me: “No problem, put him on.”

Doctor: “Hi, we’re at a patient’s house now. She’s worried because she accidentally took her cat’s medication. The thing is, she’s decanted the tablets into a tub and has lost the label. Can you tell me what they are?”

Me: “Well, give me a description of the tablets, I’ll see if I can recognise the med code.”

Doctor: “The pills are round, white, and have A-S-P-I-R-I-N stamped on them.”

Me: “Seriously? Are you kidding me?”

(This clearly sets the doctor off, as he goes off on the following tirade:)

Doctor: “No! You said you would help! What’s your problem, for f*** sake?! I have a patient that may be poisoned and you’re being a b****! It’s my JOB on the line here; do you understand that? MY JOB! I don’t know why I listened to that b**** driver. What would you know, anyway? You are just some idiot nurse for f***ing animals! Nobody would give a s**t what you say, you ignorant cow!”

Me: “It’s an aspirin… spelled A-S-P-I-R-I-N.”

Doctor: *prolonged silence* “I guess I should say sorry now, right?”

Introducing Byte-agra

, , , , | Right | August 31, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help?”

Customer: “I’m looking for… er… a stiffy disk.”

Me: “I’m sorry… what was it you were after?”

Customer: “I think it’s called stiffy disk.”

Me: “Stiffy… wait, do you mean floppy discs?”

Customer: “Ah, yes! FLOPPY disks!”


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Hell In A Handbag

, , , , | Right | August 27, 2009

Me: “That will be 17.50, please.”

Customer: “Are you a Christian, dear?”

Me: “Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Are you?”

Me: “Well, no. Why do you want to know?”

Customer: “Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else, please.”

Manager: “Good morning, ma’am, I hear you’ve been having a problem with the clerk?”

Customer: “Oh, she didn’t make any trouble, it’s just that I don’t want my money to be handled by someone not of the faith. You should be careful. She’ll probably nick from the till when you’re not looking.”

Manager: “You’re right, ma’am. I shall definitely have to reprimand her.”

Me: *surprised* “What for?”

Manager: “For failing to notice that the lady was not planning on paying for the three Mars bars and the map of Europe she must have put in her bag while you were fetching me.”

(The customer freezes for a second, then looks at her bag.)

Customer: “Good heavens! I must’ve been so distracted I didn’t even notice the devil putting them there!”

Try The New Pool At Hogwarts

, , , | Right | August 21, 2009

Customer: “Why is it that your pool is so small?”

Me: “It is a therapeutics pool, geared towards people to do their exercises.”

Customer: “So, there is no other pool in this building?”

Me: “No, there is no other pool in this building, but there is one up the street.”

Customer: “Can’t you just make it bigger?”


This story is part of the Confused-With-Science-themed roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Hilarious Stories About Customers Versus Mother Nature

 

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Lord Of The Rain Dance

, , | Right | August 11, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, [Theater]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to know what’s happening tonight with the show, since it’s going to rain. I have tickets and I want a refund.”

Me: “Well, the company doesn’t cancel a show until the scheduled start time, so you do have to turn up at the venue to see what we’re doing. We will go ahead in light rain, and we can’t refund if the show goes ahead.”

Caller: “You’re telling me I have to drive all the way there, when you know it’s going to be canceled?”

Me: “Well, we don’t decide until that time because we’re not sure what the weather will be like this evening.”

Caller: “The national weather service says it’s going to rain.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the weather’s been a bit unpredictable lately, so–”

Caller: “That’s not true.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “They said it would rain tonight.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am, but we’re still not sure that at the time of the show–”

Caller: “You shouldn’t insult people like that. People have studied for years to be able to predict the weather! You shouldn’t just dismiss that!”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t mean to-”

Caller: “Oh, I’m sure you didn’t, but you really should be more careful how you speak. If they say there’s going to a storm, you should respect that. You should cancel your show.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Well unfortunately, that is the visiting company’s policy, so I’m afraid you’ll have to take it up with them.”

Caller: “I will!” *hangs up*

(Unfortunately for the caller, we had beautiful summer evening and the show went ahead as planned.)