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(Telepathic) Help Wanted, Part 2

, , | Right | March 29, 2008

Old Customer: “Do you have fixative?”

Coworker #1: “I’m not aware of a product by that name. What do you want it to do?”

Old Customer: “Get me someone else who knows the inventory!”

Coworker #2: “Sir, can I help you?”

Old Customer: “Yeah, I want some fixative.”

Coworker #2: “We don’t have a product by that name, but if you describe it, we can get it for you.”

Old Customer: “I buy fixative in here ALL THE TIME.”

Coworker #2: “What does the product look like?”

Old Customer: “This is ridiculous. You should know your inventory well enough to READ MY MIND!”

Related:
(Telepathic) Help Wanted

Captain Obvious’ Evil Twin

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2008

(My coworker is approached at the till by a woman, somewhere in her 40s.)

Customer: “How long does your one-hour service take?”

(My coworker looks at me, and without missing a beat…)

Me: “A week.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind then.” *walks off*

(The coworker and I look at each other and start to laugh.)


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I’ll Have Whatever He Had

, , | Right | March 6, 2008

(A VERY drunk WHITE guy comes in five minutes before closing time.)

White Guy: “F*** you! You’re not going to serve me are you?”

Me: “Nope, sorry, we’re just closing.”

White Guy: “Awww, go on, please… just a quick pint!”

Me: “No, we’re closing.”

White Guy: “F*** you, is it because I’m black?”

Me: “…Yes.”

Effective Excuses, Vol. 1

, , | Right | February 28, 2008

(A female comes into the bar and asks to use the toilets.)

Me: “Sorry, toilets are for customer use only.”

Her: “I just started my period. If you don’t let me use the toilet, I’m going to bleed all over your floor.”

Me: “First door on the left.”

The Straw Man

, , , | Right | February 26, 2008

(It’s lunchtime at a busy shopping center fast food restaurant. Holding a large box of straws, I walk out toward the customers’ side of the registers to refill all the straw holders.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir…”

(I walk up beside the customer, still giving him some space despite the fact that it is busy and crowded.)

Angry Customer: “To h*** with that crap. Why do you get to go first? I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES!”

Me: “I’m just…”

Angry Customer: “You’re just impatient; that’s your problem. Wait in line like the rest of us.”

(A lot of other customers are staring at him. He has clearly not even realized I am in uniform.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. I work here and I need to refill these straws. A lady complained before because all the straw holders had run out.”

Angry Customer: “Well, why are you doing that NOW? Couldn’t you have picked a better time to do it?! I lined up here and all I want is a lousy meal and you’re in my way…” *continues on and on*

Me: “Look, it’s our policy to not hand out straws because of hygiene reasons, so I must refill the straws so the customers can take them themselves so they can, you know, drink?”

Angry Customer: *loudly* “You’re very rude. I want to talk to your manager immediately!”

Me: *sarcastically, as he has not noticed “MANAGER” on my name badge* “Hi, I am the manager on duty. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

(Other customers nearby giggle.)

Angry Customer: “Well, that’s just f****** great. What a piece of s*** place anyway. F***!”

(He stormed off after wasting about fifteen minutes of his life over some straws.)


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