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Customers Of A Feather Flock Together

, | Right | July 20, 2009

(While working at the cutting counter of my fabric store, I caught the tail end of a conversation between two older women.)

Customer #1: “Well, I feel sorry for America. The majority of people are just so d*** ignorant!”

Customer #2: “Yes, I completely agree with you…”

(Customer #1 spots some fabric in our clearance section.)

Customer #1: “Oooh, it’s SHINY!”

An Inconvenient Convenience

, , , , | Right | July 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just got my statement in the mail and it says at the bottom to call this number for questions?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

(A long pause follows.)

Customer: “Okay, so… what are the questions?”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s in case you had any questions about your statement that you wanted to ask us.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, good. Because I really don’t have the time to be answering your questions.”

Feline Fickleness

, , , | Right | July 14, 2009

(I am stocking things in the animals’ department when a woman walks up to me carrying a bag of cat litter that reads “White Cat Litter.” The litter in the bag is white.)

Customer: “Excuse me..”

Me: “Is there something you need help with, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if my tabby could use this litter?”

Me: “Well, yes, I believe so, unless your vet has specified a certain brand?”

Customer: “No, no. I want to make sure my gray tiger tabby can use this. It says ‘white cat’…”

Me: “I don’t think it matters what kind of cat you have, ma’am.”

Customer: “Even though he’s not white?”

Me: “Well, since grey is just a darker shade of white, I think it’ll be okay.”

Customer: “Great! Thanks so much!”


This story is part of our crazy pet owner roundup!

Read the next crazy pet owner roundup story!

Read the crazy pet owner roundup!

The Hole In His Logic

, , , | Right | July 13, 2009

Customer: “I’m looking for your nuts.”

Me: “Those are on aisle four, sir.”

Customer: “I’ve already looked and I can’t find them. I’m looking for my favorites.”

Me: “All the types of nut we have in stock are in aisle four, if you can’t find them then we don’t stock them. Do you want me to have a look for you?”

Customer: “No no, I’ll go look again.”

(Five minutes later, he returns.)

Customer: “I still can’t find my favorite nuts!”

Me: “Then I am afraid we must not stock them.”

Customer: “But my wife gets them for me from here every week!”

Me: “What type of nuts does she buy you?”

Customer: “Donuts…”


This story is part of our Junk Food Day roundup!

Read the next Junk Food Day story!

Read the Junk Food Day roundup!

Suddenly, Everything Just Clicked

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2009

(I am helping an elderly caller troubleshoot her computer issue, and I ask her to unplug her router. I hear a strange noise, after which her voice sounds very distant.)

Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

Me: “You sound really far away, ma’am. Did you drop the phone or something?”

Caller: “No, all I did was open the window… oh!”

(The caller starts laughing hysterically, and I can now hear her clearly.)

Me: “What happened, ma’am?”

Caller: “I was accidentally holding the mouse to my ear instead of the phone!”