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Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

, , , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18-rated game?”

Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

Me: “It contains sex.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Violence.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Bad Language.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Drug Usage.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

(The customer handed the game over to me and walked out.)


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

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Read the “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

All Signs Point To Other Signs

, , , | Right | January 19, 2010

Customer: “Hey! Where are your biscuits on special?”

Me: “On the display right next to you. You’re standing right next to it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you should have a sign there to point them out!”

(I point to the large sign above the biscuits. It’s black and red and quite large.)

Customer: “Well, you should have a sign that points to the sign!”


This story is part of the Wrong But Committed Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Hilarious Stories About Customers Who Dialed The Wrongest Number Ever

 

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Read the Wrong But Committed Customers roundup!

Fuel For (Lack Of) Thought

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “My son told me that to get broadband I’d have to pay more money, but I told him that there was this thing from the phone company you put on the telephone cord that gave you broadband.”

Me: “You mean a noise canceler, sir? That is only for DSL lines through the phone company, not through us.”

Customer: “Diesel… Yeah, that’s what I want! So, can you hook me up with diesel broadband?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry we don’t offer D-S-L Lines. You have to call your phone company and have them installed.”

Customer: “Do you have unleaded lines?”

Me: “Sir, it’s DSL. Not diesel as in the fuel.”

Customer: “You’re not a very good company, then. You’re saying I can’t get diesel from you, but then telling me I can’t get unleaded, either.”

Me: “Sir, if you just call your phone company, I am sure they can help you.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then.”

(The customer starts mashing numbers on the keypad without hanging up. I stay on the line.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I just talked to [My Company] and they said you have diesel lines.”

Me: “Sir you never hung up the phone. This is still [My Name] from [My Company].”

Customer: “Holy s***! You work for both places?”


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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Read the Customers Caught Lying roundup!

Serious Lack Of Lumber-standing

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2010

(A woman comes into my shop to buy some skirting board for her house. After a good long while of her calling home to find out the measurements of what she needs, I give her the price.)

Customer: “How long will it take?”

Me: “About a week and a half. It has to be made specially in our factory.”

Customer: “Well, that’s no good. I have to collect the children from school in an hour!”


This story is part of the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup!

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Read the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup!


This story is part of the Home Improvement roundup!

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Elementary, My Dear Mr. Darcy

, , , , | Right | January 11, 2010

Customer: “I want a refund! Sherlock Holmes was possibly the worst film adaptation of a Jane Austin book I’ve ever seen!”

Me:Sherlock Holmes was not written by Jane Austen. It was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

Customer: “I thought there was something odd about it. Well, I guess it really is nothing at all like her other books. Silly me!”