(I work on a deli counter in a local supermarket. I’m opening today. It’s before seven am and I’m the only person on the counter right now. Our uniform requires us to wear a hat for health and safety, which disguises my hair. A customer approaches.)

Customer: “Hi, I was told I needed to speak to [My Name]?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so. She’s a short woman, about five foot tall.”

Me: “That could still be me, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t you. Maybe I’m in the wrong store. She has shoulder-length brown hair.”

Me: “Er…”

Customer: “Let me guess; so do you?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, it isn’t you!”

(The customer left. I never found out what it was she wanted or if she found my doppelgänger. Certainly one of the stranger experiences I’ve had on the counter.)

(I am walking down the path between two separate buildings in our retail when I see some employees from another department spray-painting a wall for a mural we are planning. I decide to use the other path so as not to get any solvents or fumes in my face. Later, I am in my department when my manager asks to see me.)

Manager: “[My Name], [Coworker] said that you were walking on the path when you saw [Employee #1] and [Employee #2]. He said that you went over to the other path several feet away as soon as you saw them. Now, I don’t want to have to write you up, but I’d like to hear your side of the story first.”

Me: *confused* “Why?”

Manager: “Well, [Coworker] believes that you were being offensive by trying to get away from them.”

(Suddenly, it clicks. The employees from the other department are two women wearing hijabs.)

Me: “Oh, no, no! They were spraying solvents for the mural.”

Manager: “Ah. I see. Oh, well, [My Name], you’re not in trouble.”

(Longer cigarettes are referred to as Superkings, and the shorter ones are King Size. This happens at least once every few days, meaning I have to get a supervisor to come and correct the till. Since our cigarette kiosk is around the corner from the checkouts, and the supervisors don’t always answer the phones, it can take a while for them to come around. I’ve worked on a cigarette kiosk for three years and am familiar with the cigarettes.)

Customer: *very confidently* “Hi. Could I have 20 [Brand Cigarettes], king size, please?”

(I get the cigarettes, scan them, and give the customer the total.)

Customer: “Oh, no, I meant the long ones, obviously! You must be new on the kiosk.”

(They then huffed as I waited for a supervisor to void out the “wrong cigarettes.” I’ve taken to double-checking every cigarette pack with the customer to make sure they’re right!)

(Many of our overnight guests book online using a wide assortment of deals and vouchers. Some deals include a free meal or bottle of wine. This happens far too often.)

Customer: “I’d like to check out, please.”

Me: “Sure. Was everything all right during your stay?”

Customer: “Yes, we had a lovely time. The only gripe is that we didn’t get our free bottle of wine.”

Me: “Oh, dear, I am sorry. Did the person serving you not take your voucher?”

Customer: “Oh, no, we didn’t give her our voucher.”

Me: “I’m sorry… You didn’t present your voucher?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you ask the waitress for it when ordering your meal?”

Customer: “No! I already told you! I’ll be writing about this on [Hotel Review Website], I’m afraid! You can’t just not give people the free stuff they’re entitled to!”

Me: “So, just so I have this straight: you didn’t tell anyone that you were supposed to get a free bottle of wine, and you’re unhappy because you didn’t get a free bottle of wine?”

(Even now that I have written, “Please present all vouchers at the bar,” in large letters on the boards around the pub, it still happens. I fear for humanity sometimes!)

(We are having a heatwave at the moment. As I am shopping, I pass a small girl and what I assume is her grandmother. The grandmother is carrying two boxes of ice lollies, each containing 12 lollipops.)

Grandmother: “Right. We need to get these home before they melt.”

Granddaughter: “Or we could just eat them now.”

(I admire her ambition.)

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