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To Have And To Hold On To The Remote

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2010

Customer: “I bought a TV from you last week, and one of my friends told me I need a universal remote control for it.”

Me: “Right. Was it a TV off display?”

Customer: “No, a new one in a box.”

Me: “Did you not get one in the box?”

Customer: “Yes, but the wife has that! If she’s sitting on one couch and I’m on the other couch and I want to change the channel, what is she supposed to do, throw it to me?”

Me: “You could ask her to change the channel for you.”

Customer: *chuckles* “That’s not how marriage works, son. I’ll just buy this one.”

Me: “Right, but if you both have a remote then you’ll keep changing the channel on each other and never see a full programme.”

Customer: *chuckles again* “Oh, son, one day you’ll learn how the world works.”


This story is part of our Bickering Couple roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Crazy Stories About Mothers-In-Law, And The Interesting Relationships We Have With Them

 

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Because They’re All Like Julie Andrews

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(I have a more pronounced British accent due to my upbringing.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

American Customer: *gasps* “Omigod! You’re British! You’re all ‘British-y’! Like on TV! Oh, my God! Will you talk to my wife? She would love your voice!”

Me: “Uh… thank you. Sure. Where is she?”

(He takes out a phone, dialing.)

American Customer: “Honey, I found an English girl! She sounds really British and everything!” *hands me the phone*

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m really confused and I have no idea what to say. Do you have a customer service related query?”

Wife: *on phone, gasping* “Oh, wow! Honey, your voice is beautiful!”

Me: “Thank you?”

American Customer: “Do you sing, too?”

Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

, , , , , | Right | January 29, 2010

(A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18-rated game?”

Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

Me: “It contains sex.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Violence.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Bad Language.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Drug Usage.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

(The customer handed the game over to me and walked out.)


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

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All Signs Point To Other Signs

, , , | Right | January 19, 2010

Customer: “Hey! Where are your biscuits on special?”

Me: “On the display right next to you. You’re standing right next to it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you should have a sign there to point them out!”

(I point to the large sign above the biscuits. It’s black and red and quite large.)

Customer: “Well, you should have a sign that points to the sign!”


This story is part of the Wrong But Committed Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Hilarious Stories About Customers Who Dialed The Wrongest Number Ever

 

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Fuel For (Lack Of) Thought

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “My son told me that to get broadband I’d have to pay more money, but I told him that there was this thing from the phone company you put on the telephone cord that gave you broadband.”

Me: “You mean a noise canceler, sir? That is only for DSL lines through the phone company, not through us.”

Customer: “Diesel… Yeah, that’s what I want! So, can you hook me up with diesel broadband?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry we don’t offer D-S-L Lines. You have to call your phone company and have them installed.”

Customer: “Do you have unleaded lines?”

Me: “Sir, it’s DSL. Not diesel as in the fuel.”

Customer: “You’re not a very good company, then. You’re saying I can’t get diesel from you, but then telling me I can’t get unleaded, either.”

Me: “Sir, if you just call your phone company, I am sure they can help you.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then.”

(The customer starts mashing numbers on the keypad without hanging up. I stay on the line.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I just talked to [My Company] and they said you have diesel lines.”

Me: “Sir you never hung up the phone. This is still [My Name] from [My Company].”

Customer: “Holy s***! You work for both places?”


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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