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Copyright Meets Copywrong

, , , | Right | March 18, 2010

(A teenage boy and girl come up to my till with a recently purchased CD.)

Teenage Boy: “I want to return this CD.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Teenage Boy: “No, I just didn’t like it.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund, but you can exchange it.”

Teenage Boy: “That’s not on. I want to see the manager.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Teenage Boy: “I want my money back for this CD and he won’t give it to me.”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t give you a refund but you can exchange it for another CD.”

Teenage Girl: “He doesn’t want another CD. Why would we want another CD when he can just copy them?”


This story is part of the Thieves Getting Caught roundup!

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Signs That It Is Going To Be A Long Day/Week/Month

, | Right | March 18, 2010

Me: “How can I help?”

Caller: “I can’t work out how to use your booking calendar. It’s very complicated.”

Me: “Okay, so tell me if there’s any red text beneath the calendar?”

Caller: “Yes, there is. It says ‘click a start date to begin.’”

Me: “Okay, so click the date you’d like your booking to start.”

Caller: “Okay, done that. Now what?”

Me: “Has the text changed to say ‘Please click an end date’?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “So click the date you’d like your booking to end.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ve got a price! That’s great, but isn’t that rather complicated?”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Caller: “Well, why doesn’t it know the dates I want already?”


This story is part of the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!

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When You’re This Stupid You Have Nothing Toulouse

, , , , , | Right | March 17, 2010

Customer: “I need to change my currency before I get on the train to Paris.”

Me: “Okay, sir. There is a Bureau De Change just over there where you can purchase your Euros.”

Customer: “What? I already have Euros. I need to get some Francs.”

Me: “Sir, they only accept Euros in France now. You will not need Francs.”

Customer: “Okay, whatever. Next question: how do I get to France from Paris?”

Talking Turkey

, , , , | Right | March 17, 2010

(A customer rings the store on Christmas Eve to speak to the meat manager.)

Caller: “I’ve bought this turkey from you and there’s no meat on the breast. How am I supposed to feed everyone tomorrow?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, can I just ask you to check you haven’t put the bird in the oven upside down?”

Caller: “I know how to roast a bloody turkey!”

*sound of footsteps*

*sound of oven door opening*

*sound of oven door closing*

*sound of footsteps*

*sound of phone hanging up*


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Saw The Wrong Dust

, , , , , | Right | March 16, 2010

Customer: “Is this movie one of those violent ones?”

(Customer shows me a copy of ‘Stardust’.)

Me: “No, sir, that’s a family fantasy movie.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I thought Sawdust was violent and gory?”

Me: “Sir, you’re thinking of the ‘Saw’ movies. You have a copy of ‘Stardust’, which is completely different.”

Customer: “I was looking for something really disturbing and violent.”

Me: “Well ‘Stardust’ has a scene with Robert De Niro in a dress doing the can-can.”

(Customer mulls this over for a few seconds.)

Customer: “I think you’d better show me where those ‘Saw’ movies are.”


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