It’s Okay, That Character Was Tone Deaf Anyway

, , | Right | September 26, 2008

(I’m working in a video rental store renting out Bollywood films when a customer asks about a particular film.)

Customer: “Hi! Can you tell me if this is a good family film?”

(He hands me a Bollywood film called Deewaar.)

Me: “Not really. I mean, it’s got an 18 certificate rating on it, for starters.”

Customer: “Oh. What is it about?”

Me: “It’s about the son of an Indian POW in a prison camp in Pakistan who attempts to rescue him.”

Customer: “Well, that can’t be a bad family film. Have you seen it?”

Me: “Well, I watched a scene where the main character is fighting a bad guy on a train. He sticks his head out of the window and an incoming pole cuts his head off clean.”

Customer: “… does it have good songs in the film?”

Me: “…”

(Note: Bollywood films mainly come with songs. Apparently, people just watch these films for the songs…)


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Trust Me, The Dull Finish Suits You

, , | Right | September 24, 2008

(A customer is looking at hardware we have on display.)

Customer: “Is the polished finish… dull?”

Me: “No. The polished finish is polished.”

Customer: “Oh… so what’s the dull finish?”

Me: “The dull finish… is sometimes called brushed.

Customer: “So, it’s not polished?”

Me: “No. Polished is like a mirror. You can see your reflection.”

Customer: “Oh… what do you see on the dull finish?”

Me: *face palm*

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We Have No Power, Starring Samuel L. Jackson

, , , | Right | September 23, 2008

(During a major power outage that left all of Cincinnati in the dark for days, a woman calls the theater asking about movie times.)

Customer: “Hi, what movies do you have playing today?”

Me: “None, we don’t have electricity.”

Customer: “And what time does that start?”

Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t open.”

Customer: “That’s too early. What else you got?”

Me: “NO MOVIES ARE SHOWING TODAY!”

Customer: “I heard that was no good.”

Me: “We can’t show movies because we have no power!”

Customer: “Is that the movie with Samuel L Jackson?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes, ma’am. It starts at six pm but you might want to be here early because it gets crowded this time of day.”

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Slightly Better Than The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything

, , , | Right | September 18, 2008

Customer: “I want to buy some lottery tickets.”

Me: “Okay. Which game, and how many?”

Customer: “I don’t want to give away my secret plan!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what you want, I can’t sell you the appropriate ticket. I need to know what you want to get it for you.”

(There’s a long pause during which she just blinks at me and the clerks behind me.)

Customer: “… oh. Well, I’ll take two Super Lottos, then…”

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1-800-DUHHHHH

, , , | Right | September 14, 2008

Me: “Operator.”

Customer: “I need to call long distance to New York.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, you need to hang up and dial ’00’ for the long-distance operator.”

Customer: “I don’t have a ’00’ button on my phone. I only have a ‘0’!”

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