The Bald Truth

, , | Right | January 22, 2008

(Some customers at our restaurant try to get a free meal by placing some hair in their food and then blaming the chef and refusing to pay for the meal.)

Customer: “Waiter!”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “There’s a hair in my food.”

Me: “That isn’t possible, unless it was your hair.”

Customer: “It isn’t!”

Me: “Who else’s hair could it be?”

Customer: “Your chef’s.”

(I walk into the kitchen and return to the table with our chef.)

Me: “Take off your chef’s hat.”

(Chef takes off his hat, he is revealed to be bald.)

Chef: *to the customer* “You were saying something about my hair being in your food?”


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Youth In Asia

, , | Right | January 15, 2008

(A woman came up to my register today and began putting her items up on the counter. All of a sudden, she stopped to listen to the pet store advertisements that we have playing all day in the store. The ad mentioned donations would prevent unnecessary euthanasia in animals at shelters.)

Woman: “What would they do with the euthanasia?”

Me: “The donations would help animals find homes so they wouldn’t use euthanasia unless it was absolutely necessary.”

Woman: “What do euthanasia have to do with it?”

Me: “Well, euthanasia means putting them to sleep.”

Woman: “They’re killed?”

Me: “Essentially.”

Woman: “I thought that was just a rumor.”

Me: “…what?”

Woman: “So do they eat them?”

Me: *so confused* “…the vets?”

Woman: “No. The kids.”

Me, perplexed: “…kids?”

Woman: “In Asia!”

(Then I realized that she meant youth in Asia. Not, euthanasia. And here I thought that mistake was only made on TV. Wow.)

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You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy

, , | Right | December 6, 2007

Customer: “I need a door.”

Me: “What kind of door?”

Customer: “You’re the professional!”

Me: “…”

Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”

Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”

Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”

Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”


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There’s A Nut, But It’s Not In The Pistachio

, | Right | December 5, 2007

Customer: “What kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “…you can’t be serious.”

Customer: “No, really, what kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “Pistachio.”

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Lowest Common Denominator

, , | Right | December 2, 2007

Customer: “I’d like a Chicken Kiev pizza, without chicken, garlic or sweetcorn. And throw some ham on there.”

Employee: “So, you want a ham pizza?”

Customer: “Yeah, why not.”

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