Watashi Whaaa

, , , , | Right | September 30, 2010

(I really like Japanese animation and am learning Japanese as a second language so I listen to a lot of Japanese songs.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what kind of music would you recommend? I want to know what CD I should buy.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t think I listen to the kind of music you’d be interested in.”

Customer: “That’s not very helpful. Just tell me what kind of music you like.”

Me: “Well, I listen to a lot of Japanese songs.”

Customer: “I love that song!”

Me: “It’s not just one song. There are a lot of songs in Japanese.”

Customer: “Really? How many.”

Me: “Oh, far too many to count. There are thousands!”

Customer: “Well, that’s a bit silly, isn’t it? What’s the point in making songs in a language that no one can understand?”

Me: “A lot of people understand Japanese.”

Customer: “Like who?”

Me: “The people who live in Japan?”

Customer: “You mean Japan’s a real place?! Well, you learn something new every day!”


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The Customer Is A Fool, Of This I Am Curtain

, , | Right | September 24, 2010

Customer: *holding a pair of curtains* “Excuse me, will these curtains fit in my window?”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir. Do you have the measurements of the window with you?”

Customer: *confused* “Measurements? I need to measure the window? How do I do that?”

(I hand the man a leaflet explaining how to measure windows correctly.)

Customer: “Oh, okay. I didn’t realise you had to take measurements. I just guessed it was one size fits all.”

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Go Directly To School, Do Not Pass Go

, , , , | Right | September 15, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I need to buy Monopoly.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t actually sell board games.”

Customer: “Oh? Why not?”

Me: “Well, this is a bookshop. We pretty much only sell books.”

Customer: “Can I get the book of Monopoly?”

Me: “I’m not sure we have any books about Monopoly the game, but I can have a look on our system.” *I check the system* “Yes, I’m sorry. The only books we have are about monopolies in finance.”

Customer: “Maybe that will do? Does it come with the hat and everything?”

Me: “It’s a book, not a board game, so there aren’t any player pieces or anything, and we don’t actually have any books about the board game monopoly either. I think if you’re interested in Monopoly the game, you should go to [Store] across the street.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I’ll try that. While I’m here though, do you have that one with the candlestick and the library?”

Me: “Cluedo?” (Called ‘Clue’ in the USA.) “Again, I’m afraid it’s a board game so [Store] across the street is your best bet.”

Customer: “How do you expect kids to like reading when you don’t sell anything they’d want to read?!”

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Cash Back, Government Style

, , , | Right | September 15, 2010

Me: “Okay, that’s £10.00, please.”

Customer: *handing me cash* “Could I have £10 cash-back, as well, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you need to pay on your card to get cash-back.”

Customer: “Oh, do you?”

Me: “Yes. Otherwise, we’d just be giving you money.”

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Phoning It In

, , , , , | Right | September 5, 2010

(A customer phones up five minutes before we close, to try and track some products she ordered but haven’t been delivered.)

Me: “Okay, I’m just going to need to take your contact details, so I can try and trace your order. Can I take your address and your phone number?”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone.”

Me: “How are we speaking now?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

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