A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

, , , | Right | November 25, 2010

Customer: “Can I have an adult and two students for [Film]?”

(The film is rated ‘15’, and the two children with her look like they might not be old enough.)

Me: “Can I just ask your dates of birth?”

First Child: “September 1995.”

Second Child: “Umm…”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t sell you the tickets as your son can’t give me a date of birth to confirm he is 15.”

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! He was born in August 1995. They’re my children. I think I know how old they are! Now will you sell us the tickets!”

Me: “Wait, they’re both your children?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Yes!”

Me: “And they were only born a month apart?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You have to be pregnant for nine months.”

Customer: “Yes! So?” *realises*

(The customer swore and walked off.)


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Very Old Lang Syne

, , , , | Right | November 25, 2010

(I work in a museum in Scotland, where I do activity sessions for young children. I am showing them some artifacts that were originally brought to Scotland by the Romans.)

Me: “These were brought to Scotland around 2000 years ago by an invading army. Who do you think this could’ve been?”

Child: “Hitler!”

Me: “Well, it was a bit early for Hitler.”

Child: “Robert Burns!”


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Kids Love To Wise-Crack

, , , , | Right | November 23, 2010

(I give activity sessions for young children at a small museum in Scotland. During one of the sessions, the children have to guess what a mystery object is — in this case, some tobacco leaves.)

Me: “So you’ve guessed it’s some leaves. Does anybody know what leaves these are? A clue is the smell.”

(The children look nonplussed, understandably.)

Me: “Well, it’s a good thing you don’t know what this is. You’re all a bit young to be allowed this. Any guesses?”

Child: “CRACK!”


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The Customer Has The Right To Be Wrong

, , , | Right | November 23, 2010

(I have finished my shift and am doing my shopping at the self-scan checkout, still in uniform.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me? The machine’s playing up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’ve actually finished. I can’t log on to the system after my shift, but I can call my colleague.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! If you’ve finished why are you still here at this checkout?”

Me: “I’m shopping, sir, like you are.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would you need to shop here?!”

Me: “I still need to eat, sir.”

Customer: “This is insane. What makes you think you have the right to eat?!”

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Fair Trade Waylaid

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, where is the tea?”

Me: “Right this way.”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade? It’s more expensive!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you are missing the point.”

Customer: “It’s more expensive! That isn’t very fair to me!”


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