Dads: Gotta Love ‘Em

, , , , , , | Right | August 25, 2008

(My father owns an auto shop where I sometimes work part time. Late one afternoon, a woman comes in.)

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. I need my car inspected.”

Me: “Well, we’re not taking any more inspections this afternoon. May I schedule you for tomorrow?”

Customer: “No, I want my car inspected now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we take in our last inspection at 4:00 so we have time to pack up and shut down the machine.”

Customer: “Yes, but I just bought my car from [Dealer] and they told me I could bring my car here to get inspected for free.”

Me: “Yes, they will pay for your inspection here, but we’re closing soon. I’d be happy to schedule you an appointment for another day.”

Customer: “No! This is an outrage! At [Dealer] they told me I could bring in my car ANY TIME to be inspected here!”

Me: “Um… well…”

Customer: “I want my car inspected RIGHT NOW. They told me I could have it inspected any time!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s 4:45 and we are closing in 15 minutes. We don’t have time…”

Customer: “Where is your manager!? I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Um… I’m afraid he’s out test driving a car.”

Customer: “That’s unacceptable! Is there anyone else I can talk to? I need to get my car inspected!”

Me: “Hold on…”

(I go out into the shop and check, but sure enough the only other person still here this late is the trainee mechanic. The woman proceeds to yell at us for about ten minutes. Eventually, my dad returns from his test drive.)

Me: “Dad, can you help this woman?”

Dad: “What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I brought my car here from [Dealer] for an inspection but they won’t give one to me!”

(My dad proceeds to tell her everything I told her, smiling through all her abuse. Eventually…)

Customer: “Fine! This is an outrage! I’m going to write a complaint letter to [Dealer] about you!”

Dad: “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Me: “My God.”

Dad: “Let me give you a little advice about people like that. When somebody gets all worked up at you like that, you need to remain calm. Because the calmer you are, the angrier they get, and it’s REALLY funny.”


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The Cutter Gets Queued

, , , | Right | August 25, 2008

(I work at a cookie store in a train station and am serving a customer; there are a few people waiting behind him. Suddenly, a man comes and pushes in front.)

Customer: “Five white chocolates!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have to finish serving these people first. Only then I will serve you.”

Customer: “But I have to catch a train!”

Me: “So does everybody else… This is a bloody TRAIN STATION!”

Customer: *looks a bit scared, nods his head, and goes to the back of the queue like a good boy*

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Basic Subtraction, Part 2

, , , , | Right | August 22, 2008

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, can I have a small pork fried rice, please? Without pork.”

Me: “A small pork fried rice, without pork?”

Customer: “Yes… can you add some chicken to that?”

Me: “Um, so you want a small chicken fried rice?”

Customer: “No. I want a small pork fried rice, no pork, with chicken.”

Me: “Sure… anything else?”

Customer: “Yes, I also need a small chicken and broccoli.”

Me: “Sure, is that all?”

Customer: “Yes…” *pauses* “Oh… and no broccoli in the chicken and broccoli!”

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Maybe Microsoft Makes Them

, , , | Right | August 20, 2008

(A customer has no power to a CD-ROM drive and has a disc stuck inside.)

Me: “Okay, here’s what you have to do. You need to find yourself a paperclip and unbend it a bit, so you have something to stick in the little hole next to the volume dial.”

Customer: “So… a paperclip, you say? Can I order that from you? I’m not sure what that is…”

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Must Be One Of Them Radioactive Horses

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2008

Child: “I like this ride. I like horses but these ones aren’t real.”

Me: “Yup! Real ones are much bigger, probably twice as big as these horses.”

Child: “I rode one once!”

Me: “Really? That’s cool.”

Child: “Yeah. Real horses have eight legs.”

Me: “Oh. That’s… cool.”

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