Sweet Spice

, , , , , , | Right | March 13, 2011

(I work on the pizza counter at a large supermarket chain. We make individual pizzas for the customer.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t put jelly babies on pizzas. What else can I get you?”

Customer: *pause* “Jelly babies, please.”

Me: “Sir, we do not serve jelly babies here.”

(This continues for quite a while.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “We do not sell jelly babies!”

(The customer then angrily points to an ingredient on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, those are jalapeños.”

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Dislike As Many As I Like

, , , | Right | March 12, 2011

(We have free demo discs on the counter. We’re trying to get rid of them.)

Customer: “Are these to buy?”

Me: “No, they’re totally free. Take as many as you like!”

Customer: “I don’t think I’d like to take as many as I’d like. I’ll have two.”

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Humor Isn’t Just Skin Deep

, , , , | Right | March 3, 2011

Me:” Hi, how are you? Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a protective foreskin for my phone.”

(There is a slight pause and we both burst out laughing.)

Me: “I think I know what you mean. They’re just over here.”

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Patronising Patron

, , , | Right | March 3, 2011

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “A black coffee and a bacon roll, please.”

Me: *repeating order as I write it* “Black coffee and a bacon roll. Okay!”

Customer: “Oh, well done.”

(I begin to write crispy under ‘bacon roll’ on the ticket.)

Customer: “Oh! I mean the bacon roll well done, not you!” *nervous laughter*

Me: “Of course! Extra crispy bacon.”

Customer: “Not that you aren’t doing a good job, of course! I just meant… you know. Thank you, and well done!”

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No ID, No Idea, Part 4

, , , | Right | March 1, 2011

(A customer comes to the bar with his parents. He starts to order drinks, but I stop him to ask for his ID.)

Me: “Can I see some ID, please?”

Customer’s Mother: “He doesn’t need it. He’s nineteen.”

Me: “Well, I’m just asking him to prove that.”

Customer: “I don’t have any.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to serve you then.”

Customer’s Father: “Okay. Well, I’ll order then.”

(He orders the same three alcoholic drinks as his son had before.)

Me: “Unfortunately, he will have to have a soft drink.”

Customer’s Father: “What do you mean he can’t have a drink? He’s nineteen! He’s actually a barman, you know!”

Me: “Well, he should really know better then.”


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