Existential Dilemmas

, , | Right | September 8, 2008

Me: “Hi, Ms. [Boss]’s office.”

Caller: “Hi, is Ms. [Boss] in today?”

Me: “No, sorry. She’s on vacation. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “Yes. Wait… are you an answering machine?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am.”

Caller: “Are you sure?!”

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The Guinea Pig Goes Hiss

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2008

(I am showing a guinea pig to a middle-aged customer in a suit and tie who seems interested in buying it for his kids.)

Customer: “So, they eat special food just for guinea pigs?”

Me: “Yeah, there is a food that we sell that is specially customized to their needs, but you can also feed them rabbit food.”

Customer: “A guinea pig is a reptile, right?”

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The Logic Is Weak In This One

, , , | Right | September 2, 2008

(A man comes out of the fitting room with a pair of pants and talks to my coworker.)

Customer: “So… it says here on the hanger, that it’s size 34. The tag says 34, and this other tag says 34. But there’s no freaking way I can fit into these! So what does that mean?

Coworker: “Well, I guess that means you’re not a size 34…”

Customer: “Oh. Thanks.”

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The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies

, , | Right | August 29, 2008

(A customer orders an iced drink. They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)

Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”

Customer: “But I want my round lid!”

Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”

Customer: “Ooohhh…”

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Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2

, , , | Right | August 28, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?

Caller: “I’m trying to get in contact with Mike Hunt.”

(I check the guest list to make sure we don’t actually have a Michael Hunt staying with us.)

Me: “Yes, Mr. Hunt is sharing a room with I.P. Freely, and he asked me to give you a message: he said to not call here again until you can come up with something a little more original, you pathetic losers.”

Caller: *hangs up*


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