Complaining To A Fault

, , , | Right | April 1, 2011

Customer: “I want a refund on my sofa!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. What seems to be the problem with the sofa?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re not happy. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I’m not happy with it.”

Me: “I see. Why exactly is that?”

Customer: “There is a manufacturing fault.”

Me: “What is the fault, sir?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “I understand that, sir. What is the fault with the sofa?”

Customer: “Well, I’m not happy!”

Me: “With all due respect, ‘I’m not happy’ is not a manufacturing fault.”

Customer: “Of course it is. It’s manufactured to make me happy! This sofa is not fit for purpose!”

Me: “Can you sit on the sofa?”

Customer: “Of course I can!”

Me: “Then it is fit for purpose, sir.”

Customer: “But I am not happy! There must be a manufacturing fault to make me not happy with it!”


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Because Oosb’s Just Don’t Cut It Any More

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2011

(A couple of customers walk up to the counter. They are purchasing a home cinema system.)

Me: “Do you need any HDMI cables with this?”

Customer #1: “Any what?”

Customer #2: “No.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be–”

Customer #2: *to [Customer #1]* “Wait. Hujdimmi?”

Customer #1: “Oh! Hujdimmi!”

Me: “HDMI, yes.”

Customer #1: “Yes. We need hujdimmi.”

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This Student Will Need To Be Discharged

, , , , , , | Right | March 17, 2011

(Ever since a particular Oscar-winning film has been released, our services have been quite popular.)

Me: “Hello, [Elocution Lessons]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I need some electrocution lessons for my husband.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. We can arrange some elocution lessons.”

Caller: “How much do you charge for electrocution?”

Me: “Prices are [price], ma’am. Forgive me for saying so, but it is pronounced elocution, not electrocution. They mean significantly different things.”

Caller: “I was calling for you to electrocute my husband! Not me!”

Me: “I apologise, I was not–”

Caller: “Stop correcting me and just electrocute my husband!”


This story is part of our Tutors roundup!

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You’re Watching The Braille Channel

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2011

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “The problem is you sent me a blind person’s television!”

Me: “Pardon me, sir?”

Customer: “You heard me! A television you sell to blind people!”

Me: “I am sorry, nothing like that exists. Are you sure the TV is not just faulty?”

Customer: “I don’t care what’s wrong with it! All I know is I am not blind!”

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How You Know You’ve Been Working Too Long

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2011

(The customer is apparently employed at another branch of the same fast-food chain.)

Customer: “I’d like a [burger] meal with lemonade, please.”

Me: “That’s one [burger] meal with lemonade?”

Customer: “Would you like to go large with that?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Oh! I mean, yes. Thank you.”

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