Download A Brain While You’re At It

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2010

Me: “So, you want me to hook up this computer to the Internet?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay! First thing’s first: where’s the modem or router so I can connect the computer to the net?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “You don’t have one?”

Customer: “I thought you could download a modem off the Internet for me.”


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Not Just Ol’ Gay Paris Anymore

, , , , , , , , | Right | April 27, 2010

(I am of Chinese descent but I was born and raised in London. I am serving a table of American tourists, headed by a rather boisterous older woman.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What will you be having today?”

Customer: “Oh, my God!”

Me: “Are you okay, ma’am?”

Customer: “What’s wrong with your voice?”

Me: “Nothing, ma’am. I’m perfectly fine.”

Customer: “But you sound English!”

Me: “I am. I was born here.”

Customer: “But that’s impossible!”

Me: “I assure you, ma’am, I was born right here in London. This is my normal accent. So, what can I get you to order?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “21, ma’am.”

Customer: “Would you like to meet my daughter? She’s thinking of studying here for school.”

Me: “No thanks, ma’am. I’m gay and have a boyfriend so I doubt she’d be interested in me.”

Customer: “You’re gay?”

Me: “Guilty.”

Customer: “So that explains the accent.”


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When Facts Are Not Immediately A-Parent

, , , , | Right | April 20, 2010

(I am working behind the counter. The only other people in the shop are a woman and a small boy. The boy is rushing about, shouting and being boisterous. This goes on for several minutes.)

Customer: “Why don’t you tell that child to stop running around?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought he was with you.”

Customer: “He is.”


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At The Corner Of Me & Myself

, , , , , | Right | April 15, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for a taxi in my town, please.”

Me: “Okay. Where are you, sir?”

Customer: “In my living room.”

Me: “Which town are you in?”

Customer: “The junction by the nursing home.”

Me: “No… which town are you in, please?”

Customer: “You’re not very bright, are you?”


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Barking Up The Wrong Tree

, , , | Right | April 15, 2010

Me: “Good morning, [Game Store]. How can I help?”

Caller: “Can you tell me what’s coming out over the next three weeks?”

Me: “Which format would you like, sir?”

Caller: “All of them.”

Me: “You want all the releases for all the formats for the next three weeks?”

Caller: “YES!”

Me: “Okay… on PS2, we’ve got Yakuza–”

Caller: “Boring.”

Me: “Um… we’ve also got The Godfather–”

Caller: “That sounds rubbish.”

Me: “Um… there’s Reservoir Dogs next week–”

Caller: “I don’t even LIKE dogs. Why would I play that?!” *hangs up*


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