Not Address-ing The Issue At All

, , , , | Working | March 8, 2018

(I’ve recently moved address and need to get it changed with my bank, so I phone up.)

Bank Worker: “Hello, how can I assist you today?”

Me: “Hi. I need to change my address that’s associated with my account, please.”

Bank Worker: “Okay. Do you have the special four-digit code you need to change the address?”

Me: “No. I didn’t know I needed one. I know all my security questions and everything; will that not work?”

Bank Worker: “No. We can only use the four-digit code to change addresses on the system.”

Me: “Okay. How do I get one?”

Bank Worker: “We send you it in the post.”

Me: “You send it? But I’ve moved house. I’m no longer at the address you have on record.”

Bank Worker: “Okay?”

Me: “So, how do I get a code?”

Bank Worker: “We send it to your address.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight: I need a special code to be able to change my address that will get sent to the address that I’m no longer living at?”

Bank Worker: *pause* “Yes.”


Knowledge Starved

, , | Learning | March 8, 2018

Child #1: “Ugh. I am so hungry, I’m Hank Marvin.”

Child #2: “Who’s Hank Marvin?”

Child #1: “I dunno, some scientist who discovered foods.”

Managed That Gamble

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2018

(I am working at the reception desk of a hotel at 11 pm. We have a walk-in, which is uncommon here as it is a golf resort, out in the middle of nowhere, but does happen. This guy says he is traveling on business and wants a basic room. I make his booking in the system, and give him the price. It’s a pretty low rate for this county, as it is midweek.)

Customer: “Aww, that’s really expensive! Can’t you get me a better rate?”

Me: “I’m sorry. The system decides the price based on day and availability; there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Come on! I know the manager of this place! He’d give me a low price!”

Me: *my scam senses are tingling so I decide to play his game* “I see. Well. I might be able to get you a regular’s discount… if you can give me the manager’s name.”

(I say this in the full knowledge that this guy won’t know it, and I won’t have to give him the discount. I realise this could be considered a gamble, but call it intuition.)

Customer: “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

Me: “Well… if you were asking for a member’s discount, I would need your member’s card to prove you were a member. Usually for a regular’s discount, I have to check our system for proof of at least six bookings in the year, so… as a customer, there’s a lot of things you have to prove. Is there a problem?”

(Lucky me, as a night porter, I can get cheeky with the customers, as we are considered security, and I can write almost any questioning off as “checking for suspicious behavior.” I do not suffer people like this gladly. I would never, ever swear or raise my voice to a customer, so through this exchange, I have been smiling, polite, and chirpy.)

Customer: *getting a sort of “rabbit in headlights” look* “Um. Well. It might be the old manager, now.”

Me: “Ah, well, that’s a shame. You could give me his name to be sure?”

Customer: *grumbling* “Never mind. I shall take the rate.”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(I finish putting his booking through, and take him to his room, wishing him a goodnight. As I walk away from his door, he leans back out and calls quietly to me.)

Customer: “How many times has someone actually tried that on you?”

Me: “Enough that I have an answer for every method they try.”

Got Owned And The Owner Wasn’t Even There, Part 2

, , , , , | Working | March 7, 2018

(I’m working in the office and the phone rings. It’s someone from a call centre. There are only two people who work here: the owner and me.)

Caller: “Hello there. Is [Employee who retired in 2010] available, please?”

Me: “He retired a number of years ago.”

Caller: “Okay, then. Is the owner of the business available, please?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Do you know when he’ll be available?”

Me: “Can I ask who is calling, please?”

Caller: “It’s [Caller] from [Unknown Company].”

Me: “And can I ask why you’re calling?”

Caller: “It’s a confidential business matter regarding the owner.”

Me: “With all due respect, it cannot be that confidential if you don’t even know the owner’s name.”

Caller: “Okay, then. Thank you for your time.” *click*

Got Owned And The Owner Wasn’t Even There

The Checkout Line Has Seized Up

, , , , | Working | March 7, 2018

(I am in a supermarket at the tills when the young woman in front of me, about to pay for her goods, suddenly freezes. She stands still and stares into space, down at her purse, which is falling out of her hands. She is standing in front of a plastic wall.)

Cashier: “Excuse me, miss? Excuse me?” *to herself* “P****.” *turns to me* “Can I put your things through? I’ll void her stuff if she’s ignoring me. Self-entitled snowflakes and their phones.”

(I look at the woman carefully and notice she has an epilepsy bracelet.)

Me: “Erm, I think she’s having a seizure.”

Cashier: *condescending, as if to a child* “No, because if she was having a seizure, she’d be on the floor, wouldn’t she?”

Me: “I’m a doctor, madam, and I’d like to get your manager.”

Cashier: “No. She’s a snowflake who’s looking at her phone instead of paying, and she’s holding up the queue.”

Me: *sternly* “Madam, I really do think she’s having a seizure. They don’t all writhe around on the floor.”

(I called the number on the bracelet and the ambulance came within a few minutes. Last I heard, the young woman was fine, but the cashier voided the woman’s shopping AND mine, saying that it was our choice to step out of the queue and that I must be joking if I thought I was getting my shopping back, even though I simply went outside to the ambulance to explain what had been going on.)

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