An Inconvenient Convenience

, , , , | Right | July 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just got my statement in the mail and it says at the bottom to call this number for questions?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

(A long pause follows.)

Customer: “Okay, so… what are the questions?”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s in case you had any questions about your statement that you wanted to ask us.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, good. Because I really don’t have the time to be answering your questions.”

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Suddenly, Everything Just Clicked

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2009

(I am helping an elderly caller troubleshoot her computer issue, and I ask her to unplug her router. I hear a strange noise, after which her voice sounds very distant.)

Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

Me: “You sound really far away, ma’am. Did you drop the phone or something?”

Caller: “No, all I did was open the window… oh!”

(The caller starts laughing hysterically, and I can now hear her clearly.)

Me: “What happened, ma’am?”

Caller: “I was accidentally holding the mouse to my ear instead of the phone!”

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The Next Bachelorette

, , | Right | July 2, 2009

(An elderly lady walks into a clothes store. She is wearing an exceedingly bright hat with a large, floppy flower on it. She obviously likes the hat very much because she looks at herself in every mirror she walks by.)

Employee: “You sure look spiffy today, ma’am!”

Elderly Lady: “Young man, I look spiffy EVERY day!”


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The Geese Will Never Know What Hit ‘Em

, , , | Right | June 18, 2009

(At our gardens, we use dogs to chase geese away from delicate areas. I encounter two elderly patrons who are clearly unhappy.)

Patron #1: “I think it’s disgusting that they allow dogs here.”

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am, the dog is an employee. He has a name tag and a paycheck.”

Patron #2: “Then why don’t the employees chase the geese away?”

Me: “That’s because the geese are meaner than we are. If you think you can do a better job, feel free to!”

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A Very Loose-Knit Family

, , , , | Right | June 10, 2009

(I call a man from our waiting list and begin to take him to his table.)

Customer: “Wait, I’m going to eat with my wife and daughter. How are they going to find me?”

Me: “Oh, we have your name from the list, sir. We can send them on back when they arrive.”

Customer: “How are they going to know my name?”

Me: “Your wife and daughter don’t know your name?”

Customer: “No!”

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