(My mum prepared us soup for dinner today. It tastes very salty.)
Dad: “Are you sure you put the right amount of water in? This tastes very salty.”
Mum: “Yes! In fact, I put more in. It said to add 900ml and I put a pint in.”
Everyone: *stares at her, then bursts out laughing*
(The odd thing is that she’s been cooking and baking for many years. Clearly, today, her brain just wasn’t working!)
This story is part of our Metric System roundup!
(I am calling customers who we are only billing for a sim card. I am offering them an upgrade to include a mobile handset. I am near the end of my shift and the following conversation occurs with a customer who sounds like she is in her 40s:)
Me: “Hi. My name is [My Name], and I’m calling from [Company] to offer you a new mobile deal.”
Customer: “Oh, great. What can you do for me?”
Me: “Well, first of all, we are only charging you for a sim card. What kind of handset do you have for it?”
Customer: “I don’t have one!”
Me: “Okay… so, what do have your sim card in?”
Customer: “I have it in my mobile phone!”
Me: *face-palm* “Okay, that’s your handset. Do you know what make it is?”
Customer: “I’m not sure.”
Me: “Okay, is it an iPhone or Samsung or…”
Customer: “YES! IT’S THAT ONE!”
Me: “Erm, which one? iPhone or Samsung?”
Customer: “It’s an iPhone Samsung!”
Me: *face-palm* “No, miss, they are two different brands. Either an iPhone or a Samsung.”
Customer: “Oh, it’s a Samsung.”
Me: “Okay, do you know what model?”
Customer: “It’s a Samsung Galaxy.”
Me: “Do you know which kind? There a quite a few of them.”
Customer: “No, I’m not sure.”
Me: “Okay, because one of the older models would be a galaxy s5…”
Customer: “YES! THAT WHAT I HAVE!”
Me: “Okay and would you be interested in an upgrade?”
Customer: “Oh, no, it’s okay, dear. I’m happy with what I have. Thank you.”
Me: “No problem. Sorry to bother you.”
(I knew I wasn’t going to get very far, anyway.)
(I am a hearing aid technician running a clinic in a local GP surgery. I have no medical training at all. My clients wait in the main reception area until I call them by name.)
Me: “Mr. [Unusual Name]?”
Man: “That’s me.”
(He stands and follows me to the treatment room.)
Me: “Please take a seat.”
(I make a note on my paperwork before turning to him, only to find he’s removed his shirt and is untucking his vest.)
Me: “What are you doing?!”
Man: “You need my chest, don’t you?”
Me: “What for?”
Man: “To listen to my heart.”
Me: “I’m here to fix your hearing aids!”
Man: “What hearing aids? Nothing wrong with my ears!”
Me: “Um… I think there’s been a mistake. Please get dressed!”
(It turned out there were two men with the same very unusual last name, both in the waiting room at the same time. And of course, the man with the faulty hearing aids couldn’t hear me!)
(A customer comes to the counter with three boxes of different medicines. I inspect them.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but I’ll only be able to sell two of these to you. This one should have the same effect and this one… I would recommend putting this one back.”
Customer: “Just sell me all of them.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
Customer: *huffs* “Just put them through separately. The register should let you do it.”
Me: “No. I’m not legally allowed to sell you all three. It could be life-threatening if you take all of them at once.”
Customer: “No, it isn’t. I have a friend who mixes them all the time and chugs a load of vodka. Knocks her out for several hours. Great stuff!”
Me: “…”
Customer: “I… I shouldn’t have told you that?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “You’re refusing my service?”
Me: “I’m afraid so.”
Customer: *leaves looking utterly distraught*
(A customer comes in wanting a refund on a plant because they’ve decided after a few days that they do not like it after all. Our refund policy allows switching plants, and it is still in its original pot, so no problem. Or so I thought…)
Me: “Do you know what plant you’d like to buy, instead, or would you like some help with that?”
Customer: “I’ve not quite decided yet. I thought I’d have a look around and see. There’s a bit of a problem, though: I looked and looked, but I couldn’t find the receipt. I’m really sorry.”
Me: “Oh, no problem. I remember selling this plant to you a couple of days ago.”
Customer: *looks worried* “But… I read your refund policy online. It said I needed a receipt to get a refund.”
Me: “I sold you the plant, so I know you bought it.”
Customer: “I don’t have the receipt, though!”
Me: “Okay, look at it this way: you need proof of purchase to get a refund, right?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Well, that’s to prove to me that you bought it here, so I know whoever wants the refund isn’t trying to steal.”
Customer: “Yes?”
Me: “You remember me helping you choose this plant and then selling it to you, right?”
Customer: “Oh, yes, you were very helpful!”
Me: “And I remember it, too, so that’s proof of purchase. I know for a fact you bought it here!”
Customer: “But… I don’t have the receipt!”
Me: *gives up* “Tell you what. Without a receipt, I’m allowed to do a straight swap or give you store credit on your item. How does that sound?”
Customer: “Oh, that’d be great! I didn’t know you could do that.” *looks worried again* “You won’t get into trouble for it, will you?”
Me: “No, it’s covered under our refund policy.”
Customer: “I never knew you could do refunds without a receipt!”
Me: “…”
